MIL gets revenge on DIL who talked s~~t about her; threatens son, 'I have an incriminating video.' AITA? UPDATED 2X
When this MIL is displeased with one of her DIL's s~~talking, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for withdrawing my new DILs invite to a girls trip because of her s&t talking?"
I have two sons (two DILs) and two daughters. My youngest son got married recently and he reached out to me. He stated that Lindsey was feeling excluded from the family.
I invited all the girls for a weekend girls trip, paid by me. I then asked my daughters to invite both DILs to a night out so everyone will be able to get to know each other better. I also planned to reach out to just hangout with her when work stops being awful. My husband also wanted to extend invites.
The girls night out was yesterday and all four were able to go. I got a call from my younger daughter this morning. She explains that they went to see a movie and then went to the bar. Lindsey started to s talk about me, it wasn’t pleasant.
She insulted me a lot and basically said she doesn’t want to go on the girl trip with an old cow. Old cow? I will ruin you. My daughter backed all this up with a video she took. My daughter also explained she doesn’t want to be around someone that is twofaced.
I asked if anyone else joined in, she told me no. My other DIL told her to stop and my oldest was pissed.
I thought on it, and sent her a message informing her she is uninvited to the girls trip. That I know her feelings about me and I think it’s best we don’t get closer. I also sent her the video.
My son and her are pissed that I uninvited her. I have received a lot of excuses about it. They both are calling me jerks. She is going around spreading that she was uninvited and I am tempted to just send the video in the group chat.
I am sending the video to my son, I wish to give him a chance to stop this before I drop it to everyone.
Before we provide OP's juicy updates on the family drama, let's take a look at some of the top responses:
beck2010 writes:
NTA. But before sending the video to the group chat, send it to your son first.
“Son, I have contemplated sending this to the group chat, but I am sending it first to you so you can know why your wife’s invitation had been rescinded. If this situation is not cleared up, I will send it to the group chat to protect myself.
This is not a threat or ultimatum or blackmail; I want you to know what your wife has said and I do not like being made into a villain because of her. Clean up this mess. She’s your wife and she’s destroying relationships all on her own.”
buobasaur writes:
NTA. She doesn’t get to trash talk you, and then benefit from you.
Send your son the video. Right now it’s all her word being taken as truth, and he’s angry because he doesn’t have all the facts. Hopefully he will view it and understand your position.
She did this to herself. You don’t need to accept her disrespect. Don’t invite her again. Actions have consequences.
roxywalker writes:
NTA. She’s way to immature and manipulative to want to be around so you are well within your rights to shut down any perspective time together in a ‘girls getaway’ setting.
However, be prepared for her to forge a wedge between you and your son. Females like her make it a point to make everyone miserable around them because it’s in their nature. But hats off to you for standing your ground, and taking action immediately because behavior like that, if left unchecked, can make your life absolutely miserable.
Use the video as leverage and let her know perhaps privately, that if she doesn’t stop trying to badmouth you for something that she caused that you have zero problem, sharing that video as proof of her unsavory behavior.
And remind your son, privately that how his perspective wife treats his mother is indicative of how she will be as a wife.
lic23 writes:
NTA: None of my sons are married yet so I have no DILs, but yours is a situation I dread.
It seems like you are a thoughtful and generous MIL and your DIL and son are really terrible for not only minimizing her treatment of you but also telling others you are the perpetrator instead of the victim.
I agree that you should send the video to your son, but give it a deadline and be VERY clear that you will accept nothing less than a full apology from them BOTH of them that also cleary states that the only reason the DIL got invited is because she did something cruel and unacceptable.
If they don't do that by the deadline or try to minimize and downplay, drop the video.
Your nearest and dearest need to know that DIL is NOT a person who is trustworthy to confide in and also that they shouldn't trust negative things she says about other people behind their backs. I would absolutely want to know if I was dealing with someone like this.
Toxic people who engage in this kind of behavior need to be nipped in the bud. She needs to realize this is behavior that will NOT be tolerated ever. Do not back down on this or you will be dealing with garbage back talk for years.
(Which still may happen but at least people will know to take everything she says with a pound of salt. Good luck, I hope you can all heal from this. She sounds like a nightmare.
And now, OP's updates:
UPDATE 1:
My son contacted me, he informed me he wasn’t aware of what was said and that there was a video.
He got a different picture. He thanked me for not sending the video out and ask for time so he can set the record straight with the people they informed. After he fixes that he wishes for the three of us to get on a call.
UPDATE 2:
Tbh she kinda already destroyed that trust, I don’t trust her to not be twofaced. at least now I don’t have to deal with rumors and we can handle this because it is clear.
It already happened and I am not the one that recorded it. Also I did check and no one is in legal trouble. It already happened and I will use it to make my case clear because it was inappropriate for her to do.
I started sh talking her, it’s inappropriate and it should be shut down and the party that was getting sh talked should be informed. If proof was given even better.
I’ll do a whole rundown Oldest son- 34 DIL that told her to stop-36 Son- 31 Lindsey-29 My oldest daughter-28 Youngest daughter-23 I’m-61 Husband-67.
We haven’t even started planning the activities, if they wanted to go clubbing one night, I probably would stay by the hotel pool and relax.
I’m not going to drop a bomb before I give my son/DIL the chance to course correct. What is with people with the most extreme response. Much better for the whole family if we give a chance to correct a mistake.
If she correct the mistake then they will come out looking like adults that made a mistake. Not adults that are lying, drama queens. The former option is much better and allows for recovery of relationships. The latter is a bomb, I’m not going to throw a bomb.
The expose option usually causes more damage then it helps. I still want a relationship with my son.