Husband wants to miss Mother’s Day with pregnant wife to go to concert with friend. AITA?
"AITA my wife (23F) is upset with me (25M) because I might be going to a concert with best friend (25M) and will miss Mother’s Day"
rycketeer
Sorry for the long post there is just a lot of nuance to the situation.
Back in January my friend, and I found out one of our favorite bands is doing a US tour.
The last time they came here was seven years ago, roughly. We decided to go to one of their concerts in May and it’s one state away because that’s the closest to us; not realizing we would be gone for Mother’s Day.
We would be gone two days and get back late on Mother’s Day. All holidays are a big deal for my wife because she never got to celebrate any growing up. She is upset that I would even consider going, let alone I’m actually going to the concert.
My wife thinks I’m disrespecting her and my mom since I’m not gonna be home Mother’s Day to spend the day with them. My wife also believes that this Mother’s Day should be extra special because this is the last Mother’s Day with just our son because is pregnant with our 2nd child.
The other thing that upsets her is that I’m going with just my best friend who she is convinced is gay and is in love with me. My best friend and I have been friends since middle school and talk daily and I haven’t seen a single hint that he has something more than us being like brothers.
However my wife is not the only person that thinks that either some of my best friend and I’s mutual friends have said the same thing. My best friend can be very socially awkward and has never actually had a girlfriend before and has not attempted to flirt with a woman even if I try to hype him up.
I know he is attracted to women because we have had conversations before about women he I s attracted to. My best friend has never said anything about disliking my wife at all to me. However my wife does not like him at because my wife’s sister told her that during our baby shower 2 years ago supposedly he said that he thinks my wife trapped me.
My best friend and I also yank each others’ chains and mess around by making fun of each other with teasing. I will do this with almost everyone I know. My best friend does this with my wife as well but she thinks it’s not the good fun and is a jab at her.
My best friend will also yank the chain of my infant son so I think he does it because he see’s my wife and son as extension of me. Like I said it’s nothing hurtful just teasing and I know he cares for my son because he has shown great concern and has tried to comfort him when my son has gotten upset before.
I’ve told my wife that if it upsets her that much I’ll cancel the trip and sell my ticket. But she is saying go on the trip because she doesn’t want to be seen as the evil wife and doesn’t want me to resent her. There are other concerts coming up later this year, that my friend and I want to attend and they are actually in our hometown.
Same situation where it is foreign bands doing US tours that are very rare. My wife is objecting to those because she thinks that my best friend doesn’t actually like any of these concerts, and he just wants to spend alone time with me.
UPDATE
Thank you to everyone for the swift judgement. I’m cancelling the concert and have told my wife that I was wrong and I’m sorry. She laughed when I told her all of your responses.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
canyonemoon
YTA. Those jabs are not jabs. He is insulting your wife and son, he is disrespecting your chosen family. She has stated her discomfort with him and his jokes multiple times, and people think you guys are a couple, and apparently he's said he thinks she babytrapped you, why would you willingly upset the woman you've married? Do you not like her?
Be kind to your wife. Tell her sorry for allowing someone like your friend around her for so long, and for not standing up for her when she was insulted. I can't say if he in love with you or not, but why in the world would you even want to remain friends with someone like that? He doesn't sound nice nor like he respects your MARRIAGE. Stay with your wife, apologise, and celebrate her along with your son.
Evening_Mulberry_566
YTA for deciding to just ditch your wife and child for two days without as much as consulting your wife. You can’t just unilaterally decide she needs to do all child care for two days without even asking her whether she is willing to do so.
You’re also in the wrong for letting your friend mistreat your own wife and choosing to spend Mother’s Day with the man bullying your wife and child rather than your family. Being a dad comes with responsibilities.
WebAcceptable7932
YTA and so is your friend. Making “jokes” and silly little jabs at your wife and childs expense isn’t funny. Neither is leaving your pregnant wife for several days during Mother’s Day. Wise up before she realizes how immature you really are.
roronoaSuge_nite
You’re “yanking” your best friends “chain” alright. I like how this whole post was about you and your best friends relationship, and barely anything to do with your wife, or your mother for that matter, on Mother’s Day. You just want an excuse to go run and play, and your wife doesn’t care anymore. So go run and play. YTA.
Rawrsome_Mommy
YTA. Jokes are not funny and actually are mean jabs when the person they are directed towards has asked for it to stop multiple times. Why are you not standing up for your wife? Do you secretly like this best friend?
AlternativeNew12
Your family comes first before anything or anyone. Mother’s Day is special to moms. How would you feel if she was like “yeah I’m going out of town with the kids for Father’s Day. Sorry. See ya when I get back!!”
I bet you would be upset. CANCEL THE TRIP! Also for your friend making “jabs” at your family is rude. You do not let someone disrespect your family. You’re not better than he is.