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'AITA for missing my daughter’s birthday and my wedding anniversary for the birth of my sister’s baby?' UPDATED

'AITA for missing my daughter’s birthday and my wedding anniversary for the birth of my sister’s baby?' UPDATED


"AITA for missing my daughter’s birthday and my wedding anniversary for the birth of my sister’s baby?"

My wife (31F) and I (33M) have been married for 8 years, and we have a 6 year old daughter. My sister (31F) was married to her husband, but because of his infidelity, they are now looking for divorce.

My sister was pregnant with her first child, but she did not want her husband in the delivery room with her. She called me and asked if I could come for emotional support because she was nervous about childbirth.

I of course said yes. She lives in a different state, and I was going to go there for a week. But when I told my wife about it, she said that that I would be missing my daughter’s birthday, and our wedding anniversary (they’re both a day apart).

I knew I would be missing those days, but I didn’t think it was a big deal and I told her we would celebrate the anniversary when I came back. And I didn't really need to be physically present for my daughter’s birthday.

I could just FaceTime her. My wife then asked why my sister couldn’t call anyone else for emotional support, and I told her that was a really selfish thing to say. I was there for the birth of my sister’s baby, and everything went pretty smooth.

When I came back I was really happy, and I started making plans for the wedding anniversary, but my wife seems a bit sad about everything. I know it’s because I missed the anniversary, but I really don’t see what’s the big deal when we can celebrate it on another day.

I understand my wife considers it a very important and special day. But it’s just a day, and it doesn’t mean anything in significance compared to the birth of my sister’s baby. Am I the AH?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

superflex said:

Missing the birthday and anniversary are, in the grand scheme of things, only a little problematic. The reason YTA is because you decided everything unilaterally, and that was a really sh$tty thing to do to your wife. You're supposed to be partners.

That means you owe your wife a discussion about it, before you make a commitment to your sister. You've just demonstrated to your wife that when something is important to you, any consideration for her or your kid goes out the window.

N0b0dy-Imp0rtant said:

YTA, you made a unilateral decision that directly affected your wife and daughter with ZERO consideration for them. You essentially told both of them their feelings don’t matter as much as your sister’s.

wlfwrtr said:

YTA Your last paragraph just said that your wife and daughter don't compare to your sister's baby. Your wife isn't sad because you missed the anniversary. She's sad that even your own daughter doesn't mean as much to you as your sister's child.

You probably don't have to worry about celebrating your anniversary because your last one is the last one you'll be celebrating together. You can celebrate your divorce and loss of your family from now on.

maidenmothercrone333 said:

Yes, YTA. You made it very clear that your wife and daughter aren’t a priority for you. My husband missed several wedding anniversaries (including big ones like our 25th) and birthdays because he was deployed, but he ALWAYS made sure I felt special those days by arranging flowers or a gift delivered, or arranged a spa day once, and a call to tell me he loved me.

You just blew both days off and think you can make it up later - you can’t, the days came and went and you can’t make up for it. Your wife is sad because she feels unimportant to you, that your anniversary was unimportant. You keep saying it’s not a big deal, but it IS a big deal to her, and to most women I know. Not a good husband move, OP.

NeeliSilverleaf said:

YTA. You missed your daughter's birthday to be there for your sister. You missed your anniversary to be there for your sister. You may be a good brother but you're failing as a husband and father. Maybe you should see if your sister's divorce lawyer has a family rate.

ThisSideOfCrazy said:

“But it’s just a day and it doesn’t mean anything in significance compared to the birth of my sister’s baby.” So your marriage isn’t significant? The day joined your life to your wife’s isn't significant?

And on that note, the day your own child was born isn’t significant? Just because these events occurred already does not make the anniversary or birthday any less significant. Their significance is always there - it’s the same every year as the day it began. YTA.

womenwhoroll said:

YTA. Why wasn’t your wife part of the decision? Of course she’s upset. You’re telling her that only what you want matters. Marriage is about working together, and you obviously don’t work well with others.

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