AITA for missing my girlfriend's minor surgery for an important business trip?

AITA for missing my girlfriend's minor surgery for an important business trip?

My girlfriend of two years (37F) decided to ride her bike while drunk last weekend, got into an accident and broke her arm. It's (by any measure) a minor break and it requires a (by any measure) minor surgery to fix it. I've been very supportive and very nice to her the last few days, even though I'm really (more than a bit) mad at her for riding her bike while drunk.

She is having the surgery next week. I have a business trip coming up next week, which I've already rescheduled to avoid going away during the surgery. But the surgery date has now changed to the exact date I rescheduled my business trip to.

She really wants me to stay for the surgery, and of course I want to, but this is a very important trip and my job pays for the vast majority of our expenses. Sometimes I feel like she has no respect for that. If I cancel or reschedule the trip again, it will really negatively effect my reputation at work and will be a big missed opportunity.

If it were another circumstance, like a totally unpreventable accident or a more serious illness of course I would make every effort to be there. But saying to my colleagues "sorry, my girlfriend rode her bike drunk and broke her arm so I can't go to the very important meeting" doesn't seem like a good look.

She's really making me feel bad about it. AITA for thinking, as a 37yo adult, she should live with the consequences of her stupid action and not make me feel bad about it and jeopardize my job and our overall well-being?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Joubachi wrote:

Honestly ESH. She should not have driven her bike drunk and by the sound of it should consider your job/income more, in case the trip actually is as important as you make it out to be. You meanwhile downplay her situation and really talk like you don't even like her.

A "minor break" wouldn't need a surgery and no surgery truly is "minor," they all have risks and that she doesn't want to be alone is justified, that you downplay her situation and lowkey punish her for driving her bike drunk is just disrespectful.

Also it would make a difference if this is her main hand/arm being affected. And your work wouldn't even need to know that she drove her bike drunk, why are you so eager to make it known?

Random_Association96 wrote:

You are NTA for not being able to reschedule a work trip for the second time. That's life. You do need to make sure she has someone to drive her to and from , and be with her til you get back. YTA for acting like you are punishing her for being drunk when she had the accident. And, no way people at your work should be told she was drunk.

Hopefully this mishap has been enough of a consequence for that bone head move. What you are doing is acting like she needs to be punished even more for it. You can express disapproval without adding to the damage. You can also have a conversation about her drinking habits and insist on counseling or AA if that is a factor.

Disastrous-Nail-640 wrote:

I just want to say that no, it’s not a minor break. Minor breaks get casted and you move on. I’ve had a minor break. My kid has had a minor break.

Minor breaks do NOT require surgery. NAH. I don’t think you’re an AH for not wanting to reschedule a work trip you’ve already rescheduled. I also don’t think she’s an AH for being upset that you’re not going to be there.

RevolutionaryOne4673 wrote:

However she broke it it’s broke lol. A minor break? Requiring surgery?? Your trip is important. Go on the trip yes. Bud you don’t need to minimize what’s going on with her to justify that. In this situation I see no problem with you leaving though a scheduled surgery that can be rescheduled is not an emergency. You are right.

ConflictGulliber392 wrote:

NTA for going on the trip, YTA for your tone/attitude. It’s a work trip, you rescheduled once, it’s reasonable that you might not be able to reschedule again. You don’t mention whether there’s someone else who can take care of her needs in your absence, but I hope you’re taking that into account in making your decision.

But like - there’s no such thing as a “minor” broken arm.

And I’m not sure why you’re saying you’d be behaving differently if the cause of the accident was different. That’s irrelevant to whether you need to be there.

If you were to reschedule, of course you wouldn’t announce “my girlfriend rode her bike drunk,” you’d just say your girlfriend is having surgery. Rein in the judgement and condescension maybe. Go on the trip because you need to maintain your livelihood, not to punish her.

InvestigatorLeft7022 wrote:

NTA for not rescheduling a second time, but the ahole for how you keep throwing her mistake in her face. She was stupid, I think that is clear even to her, but she is also in pain so stop being mean about it. And to be fair, you wouldn't have to mention the drunk cycling at work so that's BS.

You could just mention how the hospital had to change the date, how inconvenient and yada yada. But I understand that it wouldn't give a good impression and not wanting to do that. Doesn't your GF have anyone else to support her? Friend, sister, mother? Perhaps someone else can come with her.

mtntrls19 wrote:

INFO: If she had broken it in some other way would you feel this way or are you just punishing her because she did it while riding her bike drunk?

Also - a break that requires surgery is not a simple/minor break...surgery is risky even for everyday procedures when you factor in anesthesia, complications, and also the fact that SHE'S NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO USE AN ARM FOR SEVERAL WEEKS WHEN SHE GETS HOME AND PROBABLY NEEDS HELP TO JUST DO DAILY TASKS!