'AITA for missing my sister’s wedding after she scheduled it on a date she knew I might not make it?'
"AITA for missing my sister’s wedding after she scheduled it on a date she knew I might not make it?"
Sister and fiancé (both early 40’s) are getting married after many years of dating, first marriage for both, but they’ve been casual about this from the get-go. They decided to get married randomly after a conversation with friends prompted it, no proposal, wanted a courthouse ceremony and just a party with their frien
Our family has blown this up a bit. It seems to be moving now more towards a backyard wedding with friends and family. Several months ago while they were discussing dates, my sister asked me what my availability was because I’m the only family that lives far away and I have 3 young kids, so I’m the most difficult to pin down.
We talked through my schedule and I gave her dates that were kind of like “no”, “maybe”, and “yes, absolutely." She said she was planning on those “yes” timeframes anyways so, awesome, this will be great.
Save the dates go out via email a few weeks later, and she set a date that was on my “maybe” weekends. I call and ask what’s up, she said her and finance also kicked dates around with friends, and this was the one that seemed to work for them so… they decided to do that.
The “maybe” reason for me was related to other travel I have already scheduled. Trying to get back to my hometown with my whole family is no longer an option, now it becomes only some of us go, and not others, or we fly out on different days… it’s a mess to navigate.
She says “Hey it’s okay. I want you there, but I understand.” I talk to my spouse, we decide it’s too much to navigate, too expensive to make it work, we’re not going. My sister seems fine, she keeps downplaying mom & dad making a big deal out of this, says it’s not even a wedding...yada yada.
I’m feeling okay but my siblings and my parents are absolutely ripping me to shreds over this. They are piling on the heaviest guilt trips, accusing me of not caring about family and sh$t like that.
Like I should just cancel and eat the cost of other things I’ve already paid for (and can’t get refunded) and drop thousands of dollars to fly my family to this wedding that my sister scheduled to happen on a weekend when they knew I may not be able to attend. So...AITA for skipping this wedding?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
PandaCotton said:
NTA. Your sister is planning her wedding knowing you might not be there. You had discussed this possibility. Your family shouldn't even be involved, they're the ones creating drama where none exists. Enjoy your trip.
Thejmax said:
YTA, timeline and comments prove that. You gave a maybe for the date and then booked a non refundable trip without talking to your sister a week before the invite was sent. You should have either said it was a no from the start or confirmed with your sister before turning the maybe into a no.
Amazing-Squash said:
YTA. Fly out on different days. Or don't go because you don't want to.
Question4047 said:
Yta. You gave a maybe to something you already paid for. That is all on you. It should have been no. Never provide maybes. For all saying moving parts, plans coming together, reread. This was about 2 weeks. This means op would have already paid for travel but gave a maybe.
helloooodave said:
Sorry. But I’m ruling a light YTA. Seems like you have lots of other travel plans that you are making work. She booked on a “maybe” weekend and not a “no” and you’re not going because you don’t want to coordinate (not because you have other travel scheduled).
These family life events are never easy or convenient. They are making schedules taking into consideration convenience for a lot of people - not just you. At this point you’re really more making a choice to NOT go because you can’t be bothered.
rnason said:
YTA you should have said no if you had travel planned and if it you hasn't planned it before giving the maybe you should have waited until you knew when she was getting married.