'AITA for missing my sister's wedding because she asked me to take off my engagement ring?'

"AITA for missing my sister's wedding because she asked me to take off my engagement ring for the ceremony?"

I (25M) was in an abusive relationship for about two years. It started when I was 17. The fact that it began when I was still living at home has made my relationship with my family really complicated. I hold a lot of resentment towards them for not pushing harder to help me. I'm working through it in therapy.

I've been with my partner (27M) for 4 years. He's my best friend. It's so much more than a romantic relationship. This is someone I trust more deeply than I've ever trusted anyone. I feel truly safe with him in a way I haven't felt since I was a kid. We got engaged a little over a month ago.

My partner and I RSVP'd yes to my sister's wedding months ago. I knew saying no to attending the wedding would likely be the end of my relationship with my sister, and I didn't want that. I am low contact with my family, but I'm not trying to burn those bridges completely. I'm still just working through how to have successful relationships with them while I'm still carrying this hurt.

The wedding was last weekend. My sister hosted a dinner the night before that we were invited to. We hadn't made any sort of formal announcement to my family about our engagement, and we didn't plan to. When my mom saw my ring, we shared a genuinely heartfelt moment where she was crying a little and telling me how happy she was for me / us.

It felt like a step in the right direction in terms of reconnection. She finally made some acknowledgment to the fact that I could have genuinely died from the situation I was in.

After dinner, my sister asked me if I could take off my engagement ring for the next day. I asked why, and she said it was embarrassing that her brother had "stolen her spotlight" at dinner and she didn't want the same thing happening at the wedding.

I was pretty taken aback by this. I said no, I wasn't comfortable doing that. We went back and forth for a little while until I just bowed out, saying I wished them well. Today, my sister sent me a long text saying I had "ruined her wedding" because I upset our mom. AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

iloveyourlittlehat said:

Honestly I don’t even think many people would have clocked a ring on a man as an engagement ring anyway.

peakpenguins said:

NTA. It's not like you announced your engagement at dinner or intended to at the wedding. You didn't ruin anything, and there was no reason for you to have to take your ring off, most people probably wouldn't even notice it in the first place.

Evening_Treat_1894 said:

NTA. I don't see how you stole her spotlight at the dinner, it sounds like your mom is the only one who noticed the ring and you shared a small moment with your mom. You didn't stand up and announce it to everyone in the room.

If anyone "ruined" the wedding, or upset your mom, it would be your sister's delulu thinking that a ring was going to take away from her big day when everyone would be there to see her and likely not care a bit about what jewelry you were wearing.

StnMtn_ said:

I would have thought a ring on a guy was a wedding band, and not say anything.

Late-Judge8847 said:

So your sister gives you an ultimatum; you oblige by not going and now she’s pissed. She wanted it her way and with no consequences. Ok. Not the way life works! Sorry. NTA.

Substantialgood4102 said:

NTA. Is she asking everyone to remove their engagement and wedding rings? What an insecure twit. Nobody will be looking at you during the ceremony. God, where do all these entitled, insecure brats come from?

A wedding is about the bride and groom. No one cares about the bridesmaids. Someone comments about you being engaged just say , Let's just focus on the bride and groom as it is their day, and move on. Geesh!

Wonderful_Bottle_852 said:

NTA. Your sister is acting as if your partner proposed at the dinner or at her wedding. She is being ridiculous.