Man ends things with boyfriend after being mocked for his emotional speech at cousin's wedding. AITA?
"AITA for breaking up with my BF over this?"
I (23M) broke up with my boyfriend (25M) of two years last night, and now I’m wondering if I overreacted. My cousin (29F) just got married to her wife (28F) in this beautiful ceremony.
They’re the first queer couple in our family to get married, and it meant a lot to me personally. Growing up, I didn’t even know if I’d be allowed to be out, let alone see two women I love and admire stand up and be celebrated.
My boyfriend, we’ll call him Zach, came with me. He has met most of my family before and everything seemed fine. However, during the reception, things got emotional.
A few people gave unplanned toasts, and my cousin asked if I wanted to say something. I kept it short, just said how proud I was, how beautiful it was to see queer love honored like that. That was it.
When I sat down, Zach leaned over and quietly whispered, “You know, for someone who’s not even in the wedding, you’re really trying to make it your moment.” I thought he was joking and gave him a look. Then he added something along the lines of, “You gonna cry again, or save it for our wedding that we’re never having?”
He smirked like it was nothing. I laughed awkwardly because I didn’t want to cause a scene and ruin my cousins wedding. But it stuck with me. I didn’t say anything right away because it was not the time or place, I didn’t want to make the night about me or create any drama.
Later, back at our hotel, I brought it up. I said his comment hurt, especially since he knows how much this wedding meant to me. He brushed it off saying, "Jesus, you’re still on that? It was a joke. You were getting so sappy I thought you were gonna propose.”
I told him I didn’t think it was funny and that he took a moment that mattered to me and made me feel stupid for caring. He kept calling me sensitive and said I was overthinking everything, like always.
So I told him I was done. I packed my stuff, called a friend and left. He’s texted since, saying I made a scene out of nothing, that I “chose a weird hill to die on,” and that I’ll regret throwing away a good thing over a dumb joke. AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA!!! Personally I would have done the same. He turned an important moment in your life to a moment you will think back on and frown. You didn’t do or say anything that took “attention” away from the couple. If he always invalidates your feelings like that when you try and communicate you are BETTER OFF without him!!!
Especially in this day and age where society is moving backwards it’s important to have a partner who understands the significance of seeing that wedding happen, in general and with how personal it was for you!!
NTA. He sounds like a massive dbag.
What's with the "wedding we're never having"? Had you both agreed you're not interested in marriage, or was he being a snarky poophead with that, insinuating that he was never going to marry you?
NTA x 100! He belittled you during a moment you felt was important. Then, when you told him how you were hurt, he didn’t care how you felt and made it YOUR fault for being sensitive.
Even after you broke up with him, he still didn’t apologize at all!! A decent partner would have said they were sorry, and that they didn’t mean to hurt you; actually, a decent partner would have loved seeing you care about another couple. Your tears were an awesome sign that you cared and were touched— great things! Your ex mocking you for good qualities sucks.
“You’re gonna cry again, or save it for our wedding that we’re never having?”
“You’re gonna regret throwing away a good thing over a dumb joke”
I’m confused, does he want to get married or not? Like what’s his end goal with you OP? He makes no sense and sounds like a raging dbag. NTA.
NTA. Run as fast as you can and never ever look back. He is not worth your time. HE made a special moment about himself and can't stand you being happy. He is a miserable person and will only drag you down with him.
NTA anyone who calls you too sensitive is a red flag. This guy invalidates your feelings and instead of taking ownership of his own bad behavior, blames you for taking things the wrong way. Perfectly valid reason to break up if you’re looking for an emotionally mature relationship.
Oh hun he is a complete prick, I promise you getting rid of him won't hurt half as much as you think, it'll be rough for a minute but you'll soon realise your feelings deserve respect and your peace is one of the most important things you can keep. Throwing his abusive ass to the curb is an act of self love and I'm so proud of you ♡
Trust yourself. He was awful and turned a beautiful moment into ashes. Then he tried to gaslight you into thinking you overreacted, and there's something wrong with you. How very dare you feel hurt when he said something incredibly hurtful.
Good for you for holding it together at the reception. You honestly handled this as maturely and gracefully as you could have. Most of all- you deserve better. You deserve so much better.
NTA. You were sharing a tender and beautiful moment with your family, and instead of sharing your joy, he snarked and jabbed and tried to make you feel insecure, both about your toast and about the state of your relationship, completely taking away from what should have been a happy occasion.
That’s selfish, hateful and toxic behaviour that won’t get better, which he made clear by belittling and dismissing your feelings when you tried to talk about it later. Trust your boundaries and your judgement and move on from this guy.