MOH books male revue show for Vegas bachelorette without consulting group. AITA? 'It's nonrefundable.'

"AITA? Bachelorette Party planning edition..."

I am the Maid of Honor in my best friend's wedding that's happening this July, and she has tasked be with planning out a long weekend in Vegas for her bachelorette trip (Friday night to Monday morning). In planning, we (the bride and I) sent out a survey this last December for all of the other bridesmaids to fill out (5 others).

In this survey we asked for budget on lodging, budget on activities, activities they would recommend us doing, and activities they either didn't want to do/didn't feel comfortable doing. In getting these surveys back, most of the girls in their reply said it would be so fun to go to a male revue show, except for one girl.

This one girl, we can call her Ana, left both of the activity categories blank but filled out every other question about budget so we know she 1) read it and 2) actually put some thought into her answers.

As I am booking, I'm trying to keep most things a surprise for the bride (per her request) and am planning away. I'm really taking the answers in the survey and budgets to heart as I'm trying to piece together this trip for 7 girls located across the US.

I booked a table share one night, a nice dinner another, and a few other more affordable brunch/dinner things as well as am working with promoters to get us into other clubs for free to help make it as affordable as possible but while still checking all of the boxes of a Vegas bachelorette.

I, of course, booked a male revue show (Thunder Down Under) because the bride loves Australia. She's been, and wants to go back and a revue show would be so fun and she is so so down, as is just about everyone else. I book it, sent the other girls their share of tickets, and Ana reaches out to the bride and 1) spoils the surprise, but 2) says she's really not comfortable going.

I already bought the tickets and am pretty sure they're nonrefundable, but that's whatever I'll probably just eat the cost of it. But what really makes me wonder if ITA, is that she is now going to be by herself after dinner if we don't change the plans.

Should I have asked the group specially about attending a show like this before booking? My assumption was that if they were really not wanting to go/uncomfortable they would've voiced that in the survey. But I know what they say about assuming.....but bffr it's a Vegas bachelorette!

But what really gets me is that Ana dumped this whole sappy story on the bride and then I had to reach out to Ana and say it's fine, yada yada, we'll miss you, let me know if you change your mind sort of thing.

But like...the surprise is ruined and the bride feels bad someone is going to be alone and this all IMO could've been avoided if she had just said something. I should also reiterate that the bride chose to do Vegas for her bachelorette because she wanted to do the stereotypical things...

She wanted to party she wanted to go to shows and she wanted to have a fun, 20-something, Vegas bachelorette party. AITA? Or is it Ana?

Here's what people had to say about this one:

funsized1217 said:

NAH - Anna should have reached out to you/ put that in her survey/ told someone beforehand. Thunder down Under is a very stereotypical thing todo for a bachelorette so if I was uncomfortable with it, I would have made it known asap. BUT you also should have checked with everyone before buying the tickets.

Worth-Season3645 said:

NTA…Ana did not respond to the activities. You sent out a detailed questionnaire. She knew what the plans might be. I see no need to have reached out to her individually to see if this would be ok? If she had a problem, she could have stated so. And this is what the bride wants to do. I would have no problem going and just staying back for the revue.

It was also really crappy of her to respond to the bride instead of you and spoiling the surprise. When you have a group, not everyone will be in the same page. You didn’t you could. If she chooses to not go at all, that is on her.

Londongrl30 said:

NTA - if I'm understanding you correctly. I'm getting that Ana didn't say that she wasn't comfortable with these kinds of shows on the survey, just that she didn't fill out either section? In that case, it could be read (and I would likely interpret that) as her not having any recommendations, and nothing she was particularly uncomfortable with.

If this is how it went, Ana should have recognized that her not disclosing her discomfort when specifically given the opportunity to do so was her mistake - and even if it wasn't, even if it had been an oversight on your part, why take it out on the bride by ruining her surprise?

Her best course of action would have been to have a quiet word with you, to take on the cost of the ticket herself (given that she never communicated revue shows were a source of discomfort/hard no for her), and make alternative arrangements for herself for the night (like book a wellness treat or something).

She's ruined your surprise and even made you seem insensitive for booking this show while you were, in fact, doing a lot of hard work to accommodate a large group of people's wishes, budgets, and boundaries. It's not your fault that she didn't make use of the opportunity you extended specifically to make these kinds of discomforts known - so no, you're not an ahole.

For those saying OP should have chased up Ana, or run the specific itinerary by the whole group - sure, in an ideal world, that would be nice, but who has the time to invite opinions on every single activity when booking a trip like this? That sounds like a logistical nightmare to me - and it sounds like apart from this one issue, OP's approach worked well.

Kayhowardhlots said:

NTA. And while I would not feel comfortable going to this type of show. 1. would have indicated it on the survey, 2. spoken to the organizer, not the bride, and 3. already have known that a bachelorette party in Vegas very likely might include this type of thing (because I'm not new to the world).

ServelanDarrow said:

NTA. But Anna is. If she doesn't want to go, she can just not go. Simple. And spoiling the surprise for the bride was selfish and mean.

SpeechIll6025 said:

YTA for not including the other girls more in the planning. A broad survey 5 months ago does not mean you can just book everything alone and spend their money for them. Once you had your itinerary, you should have run it by the other girls. At that time you could have reminded them that this is a surprise for the bride and gotten their input/approval.

hellgoblin69 said:

NTA - if she wasn’t comfortable with it then she should have let you know ahead of time. Also, I genuinely can’t believe how many people in these comments are acting like going to one of these shows is cheating?!? Insane! Planning a bachelorette party is so stressful and exhausting, but it sounds like you’ve planned a very fun one!

KrofftSurvivor said:

YTA If you knew that this was an activity you were absolutely planning to do, it should have been on the list of things that people could say whether they were comfortable with or not. Just randomly asking them what they are or are not comfortable without giving a list of potential activities is pretty much asking them to read your mind.

Later, OP edited the post to include:

Appreciate all of the opinions, just want to clarify something. She never said before booking she was uncomfortable, only after. Sure, maybe I should’ve shown everyone the plan before hand and that’s where I messed up and I’ll own that.

However, nobody asked me to help plan, nobody volunteered extra ideas when asked so I went off the surveys and feedback I did have. Also, it’s a super popular show and not a strip club lol audience participation is 100% optional and we’re not hitting the ATM for singles and paying for private dances in the back?