Maid of Honor boycotts 'golden child' sister's wedding, 'my parents disowned me.' AITA? 'CUE ABSOLUTE CHAOS.'

"AITA for refusing to attend my sister's wedding after my parents disowned me?"

I honestly don’t know if I’m being petty or if I’m finally just standing up for myself, but my entire family is acting like I’m the worst person alive. So, here we go. I (28F) have a younger sister, Emily (24F), who has been the golden child in my family for as long as I can remember.

Growing up, she was the perfect daughter—straight A’s, involved in everything, always showered with praise. Meanwhile, I was the kid who got good enough grades, stayed out of trouble, and just existed in the background. If Emily wanted something, she got it. If I wanted something, I was being difficult or selfish. It’s been like this my whole life, and I’ve honestly just learned to deal with it.

Emily is getting married soon, and she asked me to be her Maid of Honor. To be honest, I was surprised she even asked because we’re not close. She’s always been distant toward me, and I’ve always been treated more like an obligation than an actual sibling.

But I said yes because I thought, why not? Maybe this would be a chance to bond, and if nothing else, I figured it would be easier to just go along with it than to deal with the inevitable fallout of saying no.

Well, fast forward to the actual wedding planning, and it became very clear that my role wasn’t really about me being her sister—it was about me doing things for her. She expected me to help plan everything, run around doing errands, and basically dedicate my life to this wedding.

She and my mom started planning a pre-wedding “family trip” a week before the wedding, which they expected everyone to attend. It wasn’t optional. It was mandatory “for the sake of family bonding.”

I told them early on that I wouldn’t be able to take that much time off work, but I’d still come to the wedding and do my part as Maid of Honor. That wasn’t good enough. My mom and Emily sat me down and gave me this whole speech about how this is the most important moment of Emily’s life and how I need to be there to support her fully.

They told me to think about the bigger picture and how family should come first. I told them that while I understood this was a big moment for Emily, I wasn’t willing to upend my entire life for this wedding. I have a job. I have my own life. I can’t just drop everything for a week-long trip on top of all the wedding obligations.

That’s when my mom told me that if I wasn’t going to be there 100 percent, then maybe I shouldn’t be there at all. I asked her if she was seriously telling me that if I didn’t go on this trip, I wouldn’t be welcome at the wedding.

She told me I was being selfish and that my attitude was exactly why the family struggled to be close with me. Then, my dad chimed in and said, if you don’t want to be part of the family, that’s your choice.

At that point, I realized this wasn’t just about the wedding. This was about every single time I’d been pushed aside in favor of Emily. Every single time I’d been expected to just suck it up and be okay with being treated like an afterthought. So, I told them I was done. If my presence was so conditional, then they could have their perfect family event without me.

Cue absolute chaos. My parents freaked out, telling me I was being dramatic and making everything about me. Emily started crying, saying I was ruining her wedding over something so small.

I got messages from other family members saying I should just do it for the sake of family harmony and that I was being ridiculous. My aunt (on my mom’s side) is the only person who actually took my side, saying that she’s seen this favoritism play out for years and she’s proud of me for standing up for myself.

Now, my parents have basically cut me off. They told everyone that I refused to be there for Emily and now I’m getting the cold shoulder from most of my extended family. Meanwhile, Emily has fully replaced me as Maid of Honor and even made a passive-aggressive Facebook post about how she’s grateful for the people who truly understand the meaning of family.

Now my parents are backtracking and saying I should come to the wedding to fix this mess because my absence is causing division. But at this point, I honestly don’t even want to go. They made it clear how little I matter to them, and now they just want me there so they don’t look bad. So, AITA for refusing to attend? Should I just go to keep the peace, or am I right to stand my ground?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Inevitable_Pie9541 said:

NTA. You're absolutely right: they only want you to attend so THEY don't look bad. SMH. Your parents and your sister are horrible people. I'm so sorry. I'm glad at least your aunt is in your corner. Walk away, live your best life.

Salty_Thing3144 said:

NTA. Your sister is a bridezilla who fell for the wedding industry's THIS! IS! THE! IMPORTANT! DAY! OF! YOUR! LIFE! marketing, and believes those ridiculous lists of wedding party "duties" they publish.

This was never about "bonding." She picked you because she expected you to do everything she wanted, and your mother probably suggested it because she thought enforced contact would induce sisterly affection. Drop out of the wedding and do not attend.

GardenSafe8519 said:

They're worried about appearances from other family/groom's family. But where is YOUR family harmony? Keeping the peace doesn't mean you need to disregard your own sanity/mental health/feelings.

I'd say good riddance to that lot and let the pieces around them fall where they may. They'll be calling when they need assistance in their old age and (gasp!) golden child refuses to do it. NTA. Live your life and look to the future.

C-Sik said:

NTA. I'd tell everyone your side of the story. Then, not go. Let your family try and explain your absence. I bet some more family members will open their eyes and see the way your parents treat you compared to your sister. Good luck.

Gnd_flpd said:

NTA. If you go to this wedding, every relative that's been told your parent's version of events will freeze you out or have comments about you being replaced as MOH so do you really want to burn your vacation time for that drama?

Ok_Childhood_9774 said:

NTA, and as difficult as it may be, I would simply get on with your life without your family (with the exception of your aunt!) in it. Your parents only want you to come so they don't look bad, but your role in life isn't to support Emily.

NobodybutmyshadowRed said:

NTA. Your mother may also have decided that you would be easier to push around than someone outside the family.

It doesn't sound to me like there is a peace to keep: it's more like an unconditional surrender. Keep the peace tends to mean that you should allow yourself to be treated badly for our convenience. I think that you should listen to your aunt. I hope that she will shut down other family members who criticize you.

You also need to think about what your immediate family means or doesn't mean to you, and consider going low contact with people who's sense of "family" doesn't seem to work for your benefit.