This is long but I want to put the whole story. I’m really at a loss and I could use strangers advice with how I handled this situation. I have been very close with my best friend sara (fake name) since we were 5 years old. She now has a group of friends that I did not know until the wedding festivities started.
She asked me to be maid of honor and all her other friends were bridesmaids and her sister matron of honor. From the time Sara and her fiancé got engaged to the wedding was one year so everything happened quickly.
I spent countless hours planning the bachelorette party and spending my own money for all the decorations and took a hit for some of the activities and part of the airbnb and food because everyone was alittle tight about it.
Fine it’s a one time thing and she deserves it. I’ve picked items up for her on my off days or before work that she needed for the wedding serval times, went to wedding sales with her, and was over at her house almost every weekend helping her plan and put together decorations.
The bridal shower I showed up To decorate but the bride and her sister were two hours late, I work nights and had to leave before I could do anything. The following day I picked up the food needed and ran some errands for last minute things and had to leave in the middle to get more alcohol.
I did not help with hosting the party her sister took over and did everything when I continuously asked what I could do to help. The bride hardly said hello and goodbye to me. I was there from 10am until 5:30 (I had to leave for work) Now the bride texted me that she wasn’t happy that I did not help enough with the shower and her sister was stressed out.
I did not try to defend myself to just keep from an argument coming from it. Her sister texted me asking for $100 MORE to help pay for the cake that she picked out (350 total) I told her I already paid my part and I did not have any more. She told me it was part of my “duties” and came with the titles because we “insisted” on throwing her the shower.
I asked her to ask the bridesmaids to chip in because none of them helped pay for anything for the bridal shower. So tension there. Now a week before the wedding I went on a trip that was planned before they got engaged. She texted me several times while I was on vacation and I did reply. I got back after an entire day of travel and did not tell her I was back.
She texted me two days after asking why I had not checked on her and that I hadn’t asked if there was anything that needed to be done. I told her I was just getting back into the routine and catching up on school to get ahead for the wedding that weekend and to just tell me what I could do why did I need to ask.
Wednesday night my car stopped working and I had it towed to the dealership. I let her know that I could not make it to the nail appointment we had (all the bridal party was getting their nails done on Friday and rehearsal dinner right after then wedding was on Saturday) she told me it was a special occasion so someone should let me use their car so I could make it.
I told her that wasn’t possible but I would be at the rehearsal dinner no matter what. Her next text was if I even wanted to be MoH and give a speech bc she needed to know “for the timeline."
I told her I did and why she was asking me this a day before she said she felt I had been distance for awhile and the fact I didn’t ask her what needed to be done the week before upset her and that her sister had been up until 3/4 am every night doing things and ordering last minute stuff (sister does not work or pay for anything herself thanks to her husband I’m school and pay for everything myself).
I told her that’s great but I’ve been here for a year and two of her bridesmaids did not help or come to anything that we did but dress shopping at the very beginning so why am I now the bad guy.
She kept asking me if I wanted to be MoH and I just said I guess not because she keeps asking me after I’ve said yes. She then sends me a voice message crying saying “she doesn’t know how to fix it and she doesn’t have time for this because the rehearsal dinner is in two hours.”
I was upset and crying and just didn’t answer. She texted me a few hours later saying it would be best for me to not come. I’m just replaying this whole scenario wondering if I was a bad friend or bad MoH. Am I the ahole?
NTA. Your friend sounds manipulative. I know it must be hard with someone you’ve known since you were five, but she does not sound like she values your friendship based on this recount.
NTA she seems obnoxious honestly. She's also a bad friend for letting her stress out on you and uninviting you after you helping for an entire year.
I didn’t ask any of the bridal party to plan the wedding or assist. My sisters and mom threw me a bridal shower and my sisters who were MOH planned and threw my bachelorette.
Wedding wise they all just had to show up to the rehearsal, dinner and wedding. No nail, makeup or hair appointments, everyone was responsible for themselves. NTA.
NTA. Your friend is a bridezilla. I would honestly go NC with her after how she treated you throughout her wedding planning.
I’m sorry that you lost your best friend :( NTA but the loss sucks.