'Irresponsible' mom admits she wasn't 'meant to be a mother,' teen son makes her cry. AITA?
"AITA for making my mom cry after she called my siblings and I accidents?"
I 18F, and my mom, 47F, have never been insanely close but we got along, and never got into arguments. But last winter, my parents decided to split up after my dad, 48M, found out she was cheating on him with some random guy she met at work...again. (story for another time)
After my dad told us what had happened, he told us she wasn't moving back in and had left. She never said goodbye, and she never apologized in person. All my siblings and I got was a text that read "By now you've probably already heard, and I just want you to know it has nothing to do with you guys, but I need time to find myself."
That was it, and we went six months with no contact with her. Those six months had been the hardest months of my life. Like I said I never had any bad blood towards my mom, so going from a somewhat good relationship to absolutely no contact was hard.
I started to grow very annoyed with her within the second month when I had to sit my little brother down and explain to him that our mom was not dead.
After months of therapy, I decided to reach out to her and ask her a few questions. She agreed to meet and we talked for what felt like an hour. I asked her why she did what she did and all she could say was that she did it because she didn't love my dad anymore.
Which okay I get, I don't condone cheating but I understand falling out of love. I told her then that she shouldn't have done what she did. I then asked her why she hadn't reached out to us, since we seemingly had nothing to do with her leaving. This is essentially what she said.
For privacy purposes, we will call the new boyfriend, 49M, Dave. "I have been a mother since I was seventeen years old. I never got to just have fun as a kid. Dave was fun! I was having fun. I was discovering who I was. I don't think I was meant to be a mother.
I love you all, but having kids so young ruined me, I always knew I didn't want to be a parent, the choice was never mine." I got angry with her. I knew that having one kid so young could have been a challenge, but you have to understand my mom didn't just have two accidental pregnancies.
She had 6. At six, you aren't having an accident anymore, you are straight up being irresponsible. I told her so. I told her that if she always knew she didn't want to be a mother she shouldn't have had kids.
For reference, she has 6 kids, my oldest brother has a different dad, my older sister has a different dad, and my 3 brothers and I have the same dad. Plus she agreed to be godmother to my cousin and her best friend's baby.
I got a little angry after she said people make mistakes. I told her we weren't her mistakes we were her kids. I told her she was never even our mother, she never went to award shows, open houses, doctor's appointments, dentist appointments, nothing.
I told her I love her and I always will, but if she was gonna sit her and act like her life was a tragedy then I didn't want to be around her anymore. I left afterward and an hour or so later I got a call from my grandmother (my mom's mom) yelling at me for making my mom cry and that was being ungrateful for everything she did for us.
So AITA for making my mom cry after she called us accidents? For reference, my siblings are 30M, 28F, 22M, 14M, 13M, and me 18F.
Here's the top commenters had to say:
AssignmentFit461 said:
NTA. I agree, you don't "accidentally" have 6 kids. Sounds like she just got tired of being a mother and ditched you all. I'm so sorry you're going through this. You're not wrong for telling her how you feel and you have every right to feel that way.
Mehitabel9 said:
NTA. You didn't say anything wrong. I'm the daughter of parents who should never have had kids. I know where you are coming from. Your feelings (and your words) are legit. Your mom is just going to have to live with that, and so is your grandmother.
Illustrious_Tank_356 said:
NTA. But why didn't you also make your grandmother cry? Doesn't sound like she gives a rat ass about your either. When I went NC with my mother my grandmother who took care of me when I was little, did accuse me why I don't talk to my mother.
I told her what happened and she started bashing her own daughter for being horrible. Becuse guess what? My grandmother cares about me.
Ultimate_Time_Waster said:
NTA... your mom made her choices and chose to abandon them...she's a real POS. I hope you and your siblings find some closure and move on from her worthlessness.
DependentProof8305 said:
NTA. I see your mother learned to be a terrible person from her mother. Both your mother and grandmother are showing how disgusting they are. I know this will be hard to hear, but you will be better off with trash like that out of your life.