Mom alienates own family at daughter's new school; 'I told another parent that their child was weird. So what? IT'S TRUE!' AITA?

When this woman is concerned that she was rude to a fellow parent, she asks the internet:

"AITA for telling a parent that their kid is weird?"

My (F) family and I have moved states. It has been a hard move especially for my oldest daughter Katty. She is in 6th grade. The areas school district has a Facebook account that parents are a part of. I introduced myself on there a while ago.

We put katty on the cross country team and she has been making friends over the summer. I got a message from a parent last week, asking to met up and let the kids met. They would be in the same grade and I thought it would be a good opportunity.

We went yesterday at the local pool. I met Melanie and she wouldn’t make eye contact, was very soft spoken and overall didn’t seem to be paying attention. The kids were playing while I talked to the mom. She has always been in the area and was excited her kid was getting a friend.

Katty came up to me asking to leave since she wasn’t feeling well. We left early and in the car she admitted to just wanting to get away from Melanie. She explained that Melanie freaked her out.

She was very touchy, kept pushing her in the water, was whispering ( saying things under her breath), would stare at people and make comments (comparing people to bugs? I am still confused on what that means) Katty told me she was uncomfortable and doesn’t want to hang out with her again.

The parent messaged me, and asked when they could do it again. I told her the girls didn’t mesh well and that we will have to decline. She then called me asking what I meant. I told her that katty wasn’t interested in hanging out since they don’t mesh together. I was trying to be polite about it.

This went on for a while and she told me that they kids just needed to be around eachother more. I told her no to that. It’s went on for a while, she asked to talk to my husband which is when I snapped.

I told her, no and that I was trying to be polite but your kid is weird. Melanie makes my kid uncomfortable and I don’t know what the hell is up with her but we will not have another play date.

She went on Facebook and it going around about how the new family are jerks. It seems to not be going anywhere, but I am wondering if I was an AH?

Let's see what readers had to say:

ryhuagan writes:

I'm going to say NTA. Mostly because I am about 95% sure that this mom knew DAMN WELL why your daughter didn't want to play with hers.

These aren't toddlers or kids meeting through a shared group. This child isn't the new kid in town. Setting up "play dates" for preteens is unusual in and of itself.

Combining that with the daughter's issues, regardless of the cause, and the heavy handed push to force more play dates tells me that this mom has run through all of her other options and thought she could force her daughter onto yours because you were too new to know better. This was likely a slow build to offloading her daughter off onto your daughter and then onto you.

THAT'S why her complaints have gotten no traction in the Facebook group. People will tell you, "Well, she's probably autistic, so you should probably do..." when that doesn't matter. Because she's not your daughter or your student or your charge or your responsibility. It doesn't matter if she's neurodivergent or mentally ill or just a weird/asshole kid that enjoys freaking people out.

What matters is that she is exhibiting behaviors that are unacceptable (shoving people underwater) that haven't been corrected and she has a mother that likely has no interest in correcting behaviors like that.

Could have been nicer about explaining your issues with this kid? Probably, but I'm glad you didn't. Because the way she spoke wasn't really that of someone looking for a solution to a problem but that of someone trying to remove obstacles that are getting in her way, hence wanting to talk to your husband when it was clear you couldn't be forced to budge.

If you had done the "nice route," she would have told you that she would definitely talk to her daughter about not doing that (who knows if she actually would) and then tried to imply that the problem was solved and you no longer have a reason to say no.

For better or for worse, you nipped the problem in the bud before things got worse.

easthost writes:

The very slightest ESH. Yes, this mom was entirely too pushy. I highly suspect that the kid is ND in some way and struggles to make friends. But as a mom to a special needs kid, you don't just spring this shit on someone.

If you're not used to certain mannerisms, you're going to be uncomfortable, especially if you're a dang kid. This was just not the way for this mom to go about this stuff. That said, I wish you had just said that she makes your kid uncomfortable, and not said she was straight-up "weird". We're still talking about a child, and calling people names isn't cool.

calminit writes:

I’m going to also go with ESH. Because instead of calling the child weird you should have said something like.

Katty was uncomfortable with the way your daughter was pushing her in the water and the way she continued to touch her. She didn’t like the comparisons Melanie was making between people and bugs.

Unfortunately this means it would not be a good idea for future get togethers and I take my daughters comfort seriously and never want to make her feel as if she has to be in an uncomfortable situation just cause.

I also find it alarming that you think talking to my husband will change my stance on this situation as he was neither present at the get together nor willing to allow our child to be uncomfortable.

apog8 writes:

NTA Sorry this made me laugh because I was in a similar situation with my 3 year old. There’s a kid that we see at the park occasionally, and he’s a year older than my son.

The kid is annoying and whiny, has no boundaries, talks very rudely to the other kids (yes, even for a 4-year old) and the mom just doesn’t parent, she looks at her phone while the kid just wreaks havoc.

My son is a fun likeable kid, and a lot of kids gravitate towards him, including this kid I mentioned earlier. My son does not like said kid, he says things like “mama, he’s mean.

He pushes me. He’s too loud” etc. So I’m like “okay, you don’t have to play with him.” Well the mom said her son likes my son and invited us over for a playdate. I was kind of put on the spot and was like “eh well, your son’s behavior makes my kid uncomfortable, maybe it’s an age thing” and she started interrogating me about it.

I was like “look, your kid has no boundaries, he acts weird and my son doesn’t like him, please drop it” and she was furious. She left the park. So I dunno, maybe I was an ass but it’s okay to be an ass when you’re trying to advocate for your child. Basically I’m saying if you’re an AH, then I’m an AH too.

oddsprink writes:

Ok, so first off NTA. She should take no as an answer, and your daughter just doesn't want to be friends.

However, I need to add a little note here about "Melanie". There are a lot of comments putting her down, like no wonder she doesn't have friends, etc. I am a mom of two autistic kids.

One of them is autistic and has ADHD (I can feel the eye rolls through my phone, and yes, they have been diagnosed by a psychologist). I'm not saying Melanie is autistic or whatever, but there are sooooo many kids who go undiagnosed, especially girls.

Her behaviour with whispering, touching (i.e. not understanding boundaries), odd things like comparing people to bugs, can be symptoms of autism and/or ADHD. My kids are 9 and 5, and I see this all the time.

It isn't Melanie's fault, and Katty doesn't need to be friends with her. I get that the mom is desperate for her kid to make friends. Same here. It's so hard for my kids to make friends because their brains aren't wired like everyone else's.

BUT I will never push friendships on other kids. If we find a friend or two that work out, I try to foster it and nurture it like it's a baby squirrel. Regardless of that, especially as the parent, you gotta respect boundaries. Other mom is 100% the AH.

yeapost writes:

ESH. So mom of the other girl obviously was wrong to ask to talk your husband and what not. However I think you handled this poorly as well. You are an adult, I would expect you to know at this point not to be so dramatic over a brief hangout between kids. Kids are weird, they act weird sometimes.

However it sounds like these girls will be in school together and may have future interactions. It was overboard to go full 'tHeY dOn'T mESh WeLl " after one playdate. You should have just told her you'll let her know when you guys have time in the future and left it at that. Decline future outings, summer will be over soon anyway and everyone will be busy at school.