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Mom asks husband to give up long-standing family Christmas tradition at soup kitchen. AITA?

Mom asks husband to give up long-standing family Christmas tradition at soup kitchen. AITA?


"AITA for asking my husband to stop a Christmas Tradition?"

My husband (39) has had a Christmas tradition with his mother (74) who raised him as a single mother for the last 20 something years.

Ever since we started dating in 2012 up until we had our first child in 2019 I also participated in this Christmas tradition. The tradition is volunteering at a super kitchen on Christmas morning and into the afternoon help set up breakdown and feed the homeless.

With young children and through the pandemic, I have not participated in this tradition instead, I have been bounching around from relative house to house waiting for him to finish serving at the kitchen.

Now our children are two and four, and he would like to bring them this Christmas to meet everyone in service at the soup kitchen. We live 90 minutes from the city and due to some medical issues.

I can’t drive myself that long and I have already told my family that this Christmas would be our first in our new home (which we have lived in for three years by the way.

My husband dropped the ball on me this morning that he wants to bring the kids and that him the kids and his mother would be back around 2 o’clock and then we can “start Christmas then."

He also said that his mother is going no matter what. Am I ahole for having to tell him that I want to begin our own family traditions in our house and that I don’t want him to go?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Pauscha580 said:

NTA. A two and four year old have no business around food service, especially all day.

Tilly_ontheWald said:

NAH. Just explain what you did here: the kids are too young and will be a distraction while trying to do the volunteering. You want him to skip it this year and have a Christmas at home with his children this year.

Maybe he and his mother will agree to volunteer a different day and she can join you at your home for dinner?

My situation is different, but I have to juggle between my house, my sister's, my Dad's, and my in-laws'. We end up doing something different every year to keep everyone happy. Traditions are wonderful, but at the moment this one needs to be temporarily adjusted.

alma-azul said:

NTA. This would be an excellent tradition when the children are older. For the ages they're at now, Christmas is a magical time and it should be about them, at home with family. It's understandable that you would want to build your own traditions with them while they're young.

It's worth noting that your husband and his mom have been doing this for 20+ years, and he's 39 years old. So he didn't start doing it until he was well into his teens. Point out to him that he wasn't spending Christmas in soup kitchens when he was 2 and 4 years old.

Prestigious-Use4550 said:

NTA. It's time you had your own family traditions. Your kids are definitely too young to go. Who will be watching them while he and his mother do the serving and break down. I don't imagine it makes you feel good to be left out on Christmas day.

You need to have a serious talk about how all this makes you feel. If he doesn't care, he shouldn't be a father and husband.

Bulky_Bookkeeper8556 said:

NTA. You are his family now. The one he chose. It’s time for new traditions. Maybe when the kids are older they can serve at a soup kitchen. They are at the age where they need fun traditions and to experience Christmas with family.

Glittering_Joke3438 said:

NTA, given the ages of your children his plan is insane and sounds like a great way to ensure everyone has a miserable Christmas.

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this family?

Sources: Reddit
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