Mom asks 'pushy' sister-in-law to stop making her nanny run errands. AITA?

Doing a favor for a family member every once in awhile is different from letting your entitled sister-in-law take full advantage of your salaried employee...

So, when a conflicted mom decided to vent to the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As^hole' about her freeloader sister-in-law getting free childcare, people were ready to hear the family drama.

"AITA for demanding my sister-in-law pay my babysitter?"

So this has been causing a bit of an issue in my family and very few are on my side including “Eve” my babysitter/nanny who is the very person I’m defending (to be fair she just doesn’t want to be the cause of fight).

I recently found out that my sister-in-law for the past year and half has been dropping her two kids off for a few hours each week with Eve, my nanny/babysitter, so that sister-in-law can either go grocery shopping, take a nap, gym or to the salon to get her hair/ nails done.

Eve is a generous and kindhearted person who I know would have a difficult time saying no to a pushy person like my sister-in-law. Eve did say that she prefers that sil didn’t but she doesn’t want to cause trouble and didn’t want me to do anything.

So over the weekend I had a chat with sil and I asked her to stop asking Eve to take care of her kids and that she needed to look into daycare or get her own nanny as Eve will no longer be doing free childcare for her.

I even gave her the details of nanny/babysitter service that could match her with someone.

Since then my in-laws have been on my a-s pretty much. They’re saying that I should “share” Eve with sil and when I sarcastically asked if they’d go half’s with me and we’d split Eve’s 80k salary and suddenly it’s sil could never afford that.

I of course knew she couldn’t pay even half her wages. So I asked her to then at least pay her 25 an hour every time she dumps her kids on her. This also was met with she can’t afford it.

So I told her that if she can’t afford it than she’d need to watch her own kids. Apparently that was rude and I’m using my money to bully them. I don’t think I’m the asshole in this and in fact I think they are for thinking it’s normal to have free childcare.

My husband is also pissing me off, because he thinks I’m being an ahole for saying anything and for even ask they pay.

Now after having discussed this with my colleague I’m starting to doubt it as she pointed out that Eve has been put into awkward situation since my sil did text her asking if she was okay with her having dropped her kids off with her.

But the thing is I know Eve I know she’s just too shy to say no or she’s possibly worried that this could maybe effect her job (not that it would and I have reassured Eve that her job is in no way or shape in jeopardy) So am I being an a#ole and should I let it go?

Yikes...the entitlement is bold with this one. Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say about this mess:

adoreyoux said:

NTA NTA NTA NTA. Eve works for you! Not your sister in law. Ask Eve to block her number and never allow her to drop her children off again. Your sister in law ITA and needs to find her own sitter, even if she starts paying Eve because of how she f--ed her over multiple times.

MrJeanPoutine said:

NTA. If your SIL thought she was doing the right thing, she wouldn't have hidden it from you for a year and a half. It's not your job to pay for childcare for your niece(s)/nephew(s). You are well within your rights to be pissed and don't give in.

AnnualPasserby said:

NTA. Inform Eve that from now on, she is not to let anyone into your home. Then let SIL stand outside the door and knock and ring the doorbell until she can't anymore. Make sure that Eve realizes that you are her employer, and that having SIL in your home is not acceptable when you are not there.

Eve is nice, but she needs to be firm in this, as you aren't at home to enforce your household's rules. Following your rules is part of Eve's job. Eve doesn't need to say anything when SIL comes to the door. She just needs to keep the door locked and closed to SIL.

If you know the date that SIL comes over, then you can make sure Eve isn't there that day. If you can get off work, you could stay home that day and wait for SIL to show up. The fact that SIL was sneaky about it means that she knows she is freeloading. Otherwise, she would have asked if it was okay before dropping the kids off.

While SIL may not be able to afford $25/hour, she can afford something. But that isn't the point. The point is that she did this without your permission, invaded your home without asking, and expected free work from your employee.

There are plenty of parents who bring their kids everywhere - grocery shopping, hair appointments, doctor appointments, etc. - as they don't have a babysitter. If your family is so involved, then they should babysit SIL's kids.

SthrnGrwnWIRoots said:

NTA. When Eve was hired, I'm sure there was a discussion regarding the role and her responsibilities. Your SIL dropping her kids off, unannounced, was surely not part of that discussion and absolutely deviates from what she was told she could expect to do in her day.

Eve needs to be compensated for any extra work she's doing. Your husband should also realize that this intrusion by his sister can cause Eve to leave and put the two of you in a bind.

me_version_2 said:

Wow NTA. The entitlement is outrageous. Can’t afford it so should have it for free. I can’t afford a Porsche but I want one so I’m sure it’s fine if I just rock up at the dealership and they’ll give me one. I feel sorry for Eve, this isn’t even a money issue, this is just not abusing people.

BooCat3 said:

NTA. If your SIL can afford a gym, getting her hair done and her nails, then she can afford to pay for childcare. If your in-laws have a problem with you telling SIL to stop using your nanny, then they can pay for the services.

Your colleague is nuts. The only person putting Eve in an awkward situation is your SIL who is using her.

It looks like everyone agreed unanimously that this sister-in-law and OP's husband are in the wrong. Later, the post was edited to include more details. Good luck, everyone!

Edit- I just want to make things clear and say my husband was aware of his sister's behavior which is how I was kept out of the loop.

I’ve also tried to put myself in Eve’s shoes and from my understanding, Eve’s unfortunately afraid of rocking the boat as she is in a vulnerable position.

She has limited English and she’s in the process of getting her citizenship which obviously makes her vulnerable for exploitation. And the fact that my husband was the main person who dealt with Eve also played a big part in sil using her for unpaid labor.

And to also be fairer to Eve she has babysat for sil when I was aware of it but I always compensated her for it. So all in all I absolutely understand how she would’ve thought it was okay and I put all the blame on my own head and on husband’s and sister-in-laws!

As someone has pointed out- I have a husband problem not a in-law problem. As it is his fault for not stepping in when his sister was taking advantage and that his inaction and my own allowed for this to go on.

Thank you for pointing that out I’ve made a note of that and will be talking to Eve about how this situation has been caused by not only my sister-in-law but also by me and my husband.

I absolutely hold my hand up and say I should’ve been more protective of her and empower her, and unfortunately I failed at that.

I will be having a conversation with my husband and removing him as Eve’s primary (I am the “breadwinner” and work crazy long hours and so relied on my husband to fill me in on the day to day information and so I will have to find a way to be home more often and deal with things myself)