Mom bans daughter's friend's sibling from birthday party. AITA?

"AITA for refusing to let a younger sibling come to my daughter's birthday?"

My daughter turned 9 at the start of the month. She wanted to have a “paint and sip” party, where basically she and her friends make crafts while they drink “dirty sodas” (soda with creamer or fun non-alcoholic mix ins). I thought it was fun. I agreed she could invite 7 girls, including a close friend of hers “Brittany."

Brittany has been over our house several times. Almost every time, Brittany has shown up with her younger 5 year old sister. I end up entertaining the 5 year old so the girls can play without her in their hair. The mom has never asked if little sister can come, she just shows up. I once mentioned something to mom and she said culturally, it’s normal for them.

I made it clear she doesn’t play with the older girls and she was fine with that. I don’t mind entertaining her, so I’ve let it go. But my daughter made it clear she didn’t want the younger sister there. Brittany also mentioned to me once she wished her sister didn’t follow everywhere.

The issue with the party is that I won’t have time to entertain a younger child. Before sending out the invitations, I called Brittany’s mom and explained this invitation was just going to be for Brittany.

Her mom seemed offended and said her youngest had to come. I said I understood if her family did things differently but this invite was just for Brittany so if she couldn’t come, let me know. Her mom later said Brittany would be there and promised it’d just be Brittany.

Come party time…Brittany’s mom arrives with both girls. Both girls start walking in. I briefly distract the 5 year old and compliment her outfit, I then tell her mom what time the party will be over. Mom is trying to nudge her youngest in. I gently step in front and say warmly “we’ll see you later."

The little girl looks up at me with big eyes and asks “can I play too?” I gently tell her “this is for the big girls. I’m sure you’ll have fun with your mommy! See you later!” and I shut the door. The party was fun. The girls all slept over.

Next morning, Brittany gets picked up by her mom. Once Brittany is in the car, her mom tells me that I was rude and her youngest “cried all night”. I said her youngest had to learn she wasn’t invited to everything and reminded her of our talk.

The mom called me heartless and said I don’t understand as I only have one child. I pointed out even if I had another, my children would learn they won’t always get invited. This mom has trashed me to other moms, some were on my side, others on hers. AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Educational_Gift_925 said:

NTA. You seem to have 2 options: 1) stop inviting Brittany or 2) make it crystal clear to the mother that if she brings the sister along you’re gonna embarrass the shit out of her (mom), not allow the child entry and you don’t care who she tells. I believe (rightly or wrongly) that it’s none of my business what people think of me, so I’m unconcerned if the other mothers are on my side or not.

primadiamonds said:

NTA. My heart hurts for that little girl, but it’s because her mother set her up for disappointment and then tried to shift the blame on you.

ladyk2093 said:

NTA. My girls are in the same daycare class as they are a year apart. Unless the invitation states both names, it’s only for the girl invited. My youngest cries sometimes and it can be hard to explain why the “older” girls sometimes only invite her older sister but that’s life.

A day will come when her older sister isn’t invited. Also it’s totally okay to put on invitations “no siblings, invitee only please." It probably wouldn’t have worked with this mom but it’s not uncommon to see on invites.

MistressJacklynHyde said:

NTA. Mom is using you as a babysitter. I am sure mom was probably more upset about it than the younger daughter was. Glad you stood up to her!

Two-Theories said:

NTA - and more so because this turned into/was a sleep over. The 5 year old is way too young. It sounds like these girls don't have separate friendship groups or alone time with their parents, which is sad for them both as it doesn't respect them as individuals at different developmental stages.

The girls' mom is treating you as a free babysitter for the 5 year old when she sends her with you, and it's not ok. So glad you were able to hold the boundary for the 9 year old.

Teamtunafish said:

NTA. Brittany's mom has gotten used to you taking both so she gets time off. This is not on you.

Yoongi_SB_Shop said:

NTA. Tell that mom that in YOUR culture, it's extremely rude to expect free babysitting from other people. Even more rude to impose your child on another family during a party she was explicitly NOT INVITED to.