Mom breaks no contact with in-laws and 'horrible' SIL, 'I can't keep their only grandchild from them.' AITA?
"AITA for 'keeping' my in-laws to see their only grand child?"
I (27F) and my husband (29m) have one child together jasper (4yM). Jasper has only one set of grand parents which are my in-laws as my parents are deceased . My in-laws are great with jasper, our family and others almost to a fault. My SIL ,daisy (27F) lives and has lived with my in laws.
Daisy has declared she is child free and she is not a fan of children which is fine, it’s your life to live! Daisy has not been happy since I had Jasper 4 years ago as she herself has said Jasper has taken “her spotlight." Ever since jasper was born daisy would say rude or negative comments about my husband or jasper.
Daisy will go as far as to run away or push my son with her foot if he gets anywhere near her, even if he’s just walking past her. My husband and his sister do not get along and have always had a very strained relationship. I’ve talked to my husband , daisy and my in-laws multiple times about daisys comments, and actions multiple times.
My father in law has said he’s spoken with her and my mother in law just says “she just doesnt like children she’ll get used to it.“ I’ve shielded jasper as much as I can because he loves his grandparents so incredibly much but recently I’ve hit my breaking point. Jasper was running around my in laws house playing with bubbles when d=Daisy’s dog came out side, Jasper not looking where was running accidentally slipped into Daisy's dog.
Jasper was knocked over, the dog was just startled but nipped at Jasper. Jasper cried as he was scared but I thought everything was fine until Daisy came out screaming at Jasper that he was a clumsy little bastard that never should’ve been born. At this point, I grab my child and my husband and we leave. When my in-laws called me and asked me what happened I told them what Daisy said.
They proceeded to tell me she was just concerned and I shouldn’t have taken my family home. I lose my temper and tell them my child and husband will no longer be abused by their daughter if they would like to see my child they can come to our house (about a hour and half drive ) to see him. We will no longer be coming to family events or be around their horrible daughter.
I hung up and blocked them. They called my husband who is completely on my side and reiterated what I said and then began to go off on his parents about them being okay with what Daisy has done.
I thought I was doing the right thing by no longer allowing this to happen but other family members are telling me I can’t keep their only grandchild from them. I’ve had talks with Jasper and have told him how loved he is and he doesn’t seem to be affected by what Daisy says or does but I will not let it get to the point where it does. AITA?
EDIT:
Wow! I did not expect this out poor of love I really appreciate it! I guess I should address some questions I have been seeing, as far as we know the only mental health issue Daisy has is depression which she sees help for. As for her living with her parents both Daisy and my husband were both offered to live with their parents rent free and bill free while they attend college.
Daisy has changed her major multiple times and has changed what should would like to do with her life multiple times , my husband dropped out of college and decided to do a trade shortly after him and I met . Unlike Daisy my husband has worked since 17 Daisy has never had a job and has always been the baby which is where I think the entitlement has steamed from.
Another couple of comments I have seen is that Jasper needs to know boundaries, Jasper is very well aware of boundaries and has stayed away from Daisy as much as he can any time we would have dinner together he always opted to sit away from her but even if he walks next to her she has an issue with it.
I also wanted to address her rude comments I’m not talking about calling him stinky I’m talking about how she openly said she was not a aunt to that thing at my baby shower in front of all friends and family, or when she told my newborn to STFU when he was crying, to my father in laws credit he did slap her and threaten to kick her out over that comment. There’s been multiple more comments like that most Jasper has not heard which I am incredibly grateful for.
As for my husband not standing up or making me “do The hard part” my husband is usually not around when these comments are made and I tell him about them after the fact as I know my husband would loose his cool. My husband is 100% behind this decision and has also talked to his parents about this issue.
I know every mother says this about their child but Jasper is truly a kind hearted child, he is always willing to share, make friends and is always concerned how every one else Is. I couldn’t ask for a more well behaved kind child and I am incredibly grateful for this child I have.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
myfourmoons said:
NTA at all. Grandparents who allow anyone to abuse their grandchild don’t deserve one. It’s that simple.
HappySparklyUnicorn said:
NTA. You are only keeping your child away from their daughter. There's nothing stopping any the adults from organizing a lunch or dinner at a restaurant without Daisy. You can also host events at your home which will be a bit more kid friendly.
Considering how they suddenly went off about you withholding access to Jasper (I do understand how they said "you didn't have to leave" but not anything further) I would be a bit concerned...it's an amber flag.
Ok-Homework-582 said:
NTA you need to protect your child. Next time she will hit him or hurt him even worse than yelling at him.
Agoraphobe961 said:
NTA. Daisy is very unsafe and abusive to your child. From your description, it sounds like she’s pissed she’s not the baby anymore.
makeitmakesense2023 said:
NTA. You aren’t keeping him from his grandparents, so any family who calls to try to intimidate you into believing that you are, just firmly tell them “you have zero issues with his grandparents being fully engaged in his life and will do anything, other than allow him near Daisy, to ensure that they are part of his, your husbands and your life. The boundary is Daisy and only Daisy. In fact, her behavior is the only issue and if you’re so upset then call her and lecture her about it."
You are not over reacting. You are not keeping his grandparents from him. You are not wrong in feeling the way you are feeling and wanting to protect your son. Daisy has been coddled long enough. Her behaviour is disgusting, at best, and just as she has ever right to not want to be around children, you have every right to refuse to be around her.
She is an AH. Her behavior and reaction should not be supported by anyone. She’s a full on adult who can remove herself from HER PARENTS HOME when their family is visiting. Daisy is the problem. All you’ve done is alleviate that problem for your son and family. Stand FIRM on business.
Arquen_Marille said:
NTA. They can see their grandson at your house. If they don’t like it, too bad, but there is no reason to have their b^chy daughter around your son. She sounds horrible.