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Mom calls out the hypocrisy in 'child-free' rules, 'ruins' sister's wedding; AITA?

Mom calls out the hypocrisy in 'child-free' rules, 'ruins' sister's wedding; AITA?


Child-free weddings are often sensitive subjects for many family members as most people assume their kid's presence will only enhance a wedding...

While tiny tuxedos and flower girls are adorable, many couples try to avoid screaming babies or temper tantrums during their incredibly expensive, heavily planned out day. So, when a conflicted sister and mom decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about what 'child-free' means, people were eager to hear the family gossip.

AITA (Am I the As*hole) for pointing out hypocritical rules at my sister’s wedding?

My sister (28F) got married 1 week ago. I (26F) have a son (4M) who is the only grandchild on my side of the family. Everyone love him and he loves his aunt. During early wedding planning, my sister suggested that she wanted to have a kid-free wedding, but I didn’t think she was serious as it was so early on.

Then, when the invitations came out, I saw on the FAQ page that this was, in fact, a kid-free wedding. I talked to our mother about it and how I was shocked, but she stayed neutral and I didn’t talk to anyone else about it.

Now I am not one to start fights, so I obliged and found a babysitter. I was a bit upset, but I tried to still be supportive.

The wedding day comes and my fiancé and I take our seats and wait for the ceremony to start. While waiting, I see my cousin sit behind us with her 3 year old daughter. I was shocked!

It was made very clear to everyone about the no kid rule so I was sure that my family (who adores my sister) would tell my cousin something. Instead, everyone said hi to them and talked about how cute the child was. I was appalled and knew my sister would be upset.

At the reception, I went up to my mom and asked her what she thought of my cousin brining her child. My mom said that it didn’t matter that much and that we should all just let it go. But I was furious! How was this fair at all?

At one point during the wedding, my cousin, sister, and I went to go take a photo at the photo booth area. After the photo, I turned to my cousin and jokingly said “I guess kid-free wedding means different things to different people!”

My cousin was shocked and looked at my sister and my sister told me to knock it off and that everything was fine. I told her why should I? I followed the rules and left my son at home. My sister told me to calm down and I told her I was calm just confused.

I guess we drew attention form some of the other guests and my mother came over and pulled me aside. She told me to stop causing a scene and I said I’m not causing a scene, but simply asking why different rules apply to different people.

My sister came over and told me to stop and that I was “ruining her special day.' I couldn’t believe it! My fiancé and I left because I could not stand to be in the same room as my sister then.

Ever since the wedding, my mom has been telling me to apologize. I keep telling her that my sister should apologize to ME. I haven’t spoken to my sister since and I don’t plan on it until I get an apology. AITA?

Later, the post was edited to include:

EDIT: People keep saying that I should not have brought this up at the wedding. But when should I have brought it up?? It seems WORSE to bring it up AFTER the fact doesn’t it?

EDIT #2: To be clear, I originally wasn’t mad at my sister. I was upset at my cousin and slightly upset at my family for not saying anything when they saw the child (I didn’t want a fight to happen, just for them to hold her accountable).

However, I got upset at my sister when she got mad at me for bringing it up. I feel like I deserved to let my cousin know how I really felt and I wanted my sister’s support since I followed the rules.

Here's what the jury of internet strangers and wedding shamers had to say about this child-free dilemma...

Bitter_Package9201 said:

I’m sure it’s not the case here, but when I hear “everybody loves my kid” I assume that kid absolutely sucks to be around.

ashleighbuck said:

You want an apology because you weren't special enough at her wedding. If the bride didn't want to confront the cousin, you had absolutely no business saying sh*t, 'jokingly' or not (hint: you weren't joking. This is evident by the hissy fit you are still throwing.) YTA.

ThisGirlIsFine said:

The right time to bring it up was…Never. What does it really matter at that point? All you did was cause a scene which it sounds like the bride was trying NOT to do. YTA.

photosbeersandteach said:

YTA. Your poor sister already had to deal with one guest ignoring her wishes and probably decided to just let it go and focus on enjoying her wedding day.

I’m guessing the last thing she wanted to deal with was confronting your rude cousin and kick out a 3 year old. There weren’t different rules for different people, your cousin just decided to ignore the rules and your sister decided to make the best of an annoying situation.

Instead of being empathetic and following your sister’s lead, you decided to make it about you and your feelings, and made a scene. You owe your sister and mom an apology.

thirdtryisthecharm said:

YTA. Someone else broke the rules. You gotta pissy and created a scene because you didn't also get to break the rules. None of that is on your sister.

So, there you have it...

Everyone agreed unanimously here that this woman was 100% in the wrong about this. Someone almost always breaks the rules at a child-free wedding and as long as it wasn't her, she should've kept her mouth shut and let her anger out on the dance floor. Clearly the bride didn't want or need her to enforce the rules and perhaps their was a reason her particular child wasn't welcome. Good luck at future family holidays, everyone!

Sources: Reddit
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