Mom of daughter with autism boycotts brother's fake 'child-free- wedding. AITA? 'I hung up on him.'
"AITA for not going to my brother's wedding because he said my daughter can’t go?"
My (Lyss 38), my daughter (Lexi 14) my brother (Liam 24) got married last week but messaged me saying my daughter Lexi could not come due to the fact she’s under 18 and there was no children allowed. I fully respect and understand that.
I messaged back saying that my daughter is quiet and wouldn’t be any much of a problem. My daughter is autistic and is quite well behaved, but extremely sensitive. She would have not been a problem would Liam have let her come. After I replied with that, he said that Lexi was still not allowed to come and I respected his decision.
A few days later I got a message from a family friend (John 28) asking if Lexi was going to the wedding and I replied with "no, Liam says no under 18." John replied back saying that is BS, because his daughter (Lillian 13) is going.
Straight after he messaged me, I rang Liam and we had a back and fourth argument until he finally admitted that he didn’t want Lexi there due to her autism. I hung up on him and didn’t go to his wedding. I told my sister and a few of the guests and they decided not to go. AITA?
Later, OP edited the post to include more information:
My daughter used to have a lot of meltdowns, but as she has entered her teenage years she’s been handling them very well. When she starts to get uncomfortable, she leaves situations and currently she’s laying next to me crying because she was so exited for the wedding and to see her new auntie in a pretty dress.
It has been a week since the wedding and she’s still upset about it. He got her hopes up and didn’t tell us until the very last minute that she couldn’t come I have seen a few comments saying that I haven’t said the whole story and my bad for not adding the details my daughter is a level 2 autistic 14 year old girl.
She used to have extreme meltdowns over the smallest things, but she handles it extremely well now and Liam knows that as a week before the wedding we all went out for lunch at a restaurant and we all enjoyed it.
I had already bought mine and my daughters' dresses my daughter and I went out to get out hair and nails done together for the wedding and my brother didn’t tell us until the day before the wedding.
My daughter was extremely excited and happy and we went out and bought her some makeup and eyelashes for me to help her put on for the wedding and she was so excited bless her. She did have a meltdown when I relayed the news to her from Liam, but she calmed down quickly. Also I’m going to add my daughter has been to several weddings before and handled them well and enjoyed them.
Another edit: I have read a few comments and realized I said after Liam told us John texted us a few days later what I mean is Liam told us at the last minute and John texted us after I am not good with English or writing, and a few of you may think this is a excuse, but I promise you it’s not and I apologize for any confusion I have caused.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
cndnsportsfan said:
Your brother is TA for lying about her age being the issue, especially considering if you went you would have seen other minors there. You're NTA for not going if she wasn't invited. What is your daughter sensitive to? If it was sound or lights, that seems like something that should have been ok to discuss, not lie to you about.
Discount_Mithral said:
NTA. I was ready to vote a completely different way until it came out that your brother lied to you for his reasoning. How would he have handled it if you had shown up and other children were there? Did he want to confront this scene AT the wedding. Come on.
UnfairEntrance159 said:
NTA. I'm not sure how your brother expected you to react if his plan had worked. Did he expect you to show up at the wedding, see other kids there, and to not ask any questions?
Zealousideal_Till683 said:
NTA. Your brother is wrong to exclude your daughter for her autism, and wrong to lie to you. You did the right thing by sticking up for your daughter.
15021993 said:
NTA. But she’s quite well behaved but extremely sensitive“ - what does that mean? Sounds like he expected her to cause chaos and instead of doing a childfree wedding or talking to you beforehand he opted to lie. Not sure what the goal was because you would have seen the kids once at the wedding but oh well.
Mimila1111 said:
ESH. Your brother should have been honest and straightforward. And you could be more understanding that all of the chaos and noise and overstimulation of a wedding may be too much for your daughter and you should make arrangements for her to stay home.