As part of our divorce agreement my ex was supposed to have a $1m life insurance policy with our daughter listed as the beneficiary. He was not supposed to make any changes to this policy without my approval.
He passed away last year and I found out that he added his other two kids to the policy without even asking me. He didn’t even raise the amount of the policy. So it would have meant that our daughter would have gotten 1/3 of the money instead of all of it that she was supposed to get.
I immediately went to a lawyer to see what could be done. He was able to get the court to stop the insurance company from paying out until this was dealt with. It’s now been officially settled all the money put into a trust for my daughter.
It’s caused a bit of tension with my ex’s wife, Emma (the other kids mother), to say the least. I still see her every so often when dropping off or picking up my daughter at my ex in-laws.
They’re all very nice people and fortunately have been there as a buffer so all three kids can still still have a relationship with each other without Emma and I having to be too involved. However there are still times when I drop off or pick up my daughter when I run into Emma. Every single time I do she brings up how broke she is.
Yesterday I bumped into her again after we dropped the kids off. I admit it wasn’t my finest moment, but as I was heading to my car she brought up being broke again and I rolled my eyes. That set her off and she brought up the life insurance money again and how much of a witch I was to take that money away from her kids.
That they deserved the money just as much as my daughter. That they should have gotten an equal share. That it’s what their father wanted. That they got left with nothing because of me.
Thankfully all the kids were inside while this happened. I decided to just leave and not engage her, but it’s still bothering me. I know a lot of people are wanting me to give some of the money to her siblings, but I am not in control of my daughters trust and cannot move the money around. I can only ask for certain expenses for my daughter to be paid for directly from the trust with the approval of the trustee.
Did she know about the divorce settlement and that he'd changed the policy without you knowing? If she did then she's a victim of her own doing.
NTA, seems like you both might be victims of the Ex, but even if that is the case it is NOT your burden to bear too.. Someone close to her should be explaining this to her and she might want therapy to help deal with it.
Your Ex didn't increase the amount on the policy. He didn't create another policy for his sons. He was taking, without permission, from your daughter's future. That's not okay.
Again, that's a failure on him as a father to your daughter, and his sons. However, you're NOT responsible for amending that- you're not your ex, you're not the parent of these boys.
NTA. His ex complaining about being broke means she would have been spending the "kids" money, which also would have been against the intent of the plan. The AH is your ex for not setting up similar policies for his other kids and just trying to go against the original order.
NTA. It’s not your fault your ex decided to go against his divorce agreement instead of actually setting something up for his other two children and new wife. His actions aren’t on you. You went via a legal route to get what was owed to your child. Legally you’re in the right and ethically IMO the mistake is his.
NTA. And sounds like your ex was doing something shady by violating the divorce agreement - Emma should be mad at him, not you. That insurance policy and divorce decree were in place, presumably, before either of her kids even existed.
NTA not your fault she was broke. Your ex agreed to terms. He then tried to change these terms without modifying the amount or even ask you. Bummer for her.