"AITA for being mad at my mom for missing my wedding because of my stepbrother's PTSD?'

Woman asks if she's being "selfish" for being mad at her mom for missing her wedding?

Designer-Anybody8043 writes:

My mom remarried when I was a kid and had another child, Jack, who is currently 15. I’m 23. Anyways, I got married a month ago, and it was nice, but my mom’s family did not attend. I was devastated, but my dad’s side and everyone else made up for it.

When my mom finally contacted me (the night after), she told me that Jack had gotten into an accident a couple of nights before (he was with an older friend of his who crashed the car). He’s physically fine but was pretty spooked and refused to get into the car, but they couldn’t leave him alone because they were worried.

Mom said she was going to come by herself or with my step-siblings, but then there was an issue with the car, which was caused by Jack freaking out when they were first getting ready to leave.

She then said she was going to call an Uber to get to the wedding, but Jack had passed out from the stress so she couldn’t leave because she was terrified something happened to him.

I understand, but if I’m being honest, I don’t know if I believe my mom 100%. She sounded pretty apologetic, but I’m still upset that no one let me know. Apart from my mom, Jack, and my stepdad, who might’ve been way too preoccupied, my step-siblings are all over 16 years old with phones of their own. Couldn’t they have told me?

My mom asked me if we could meet, but I honestly didn’t want to see her in that moment. Though her absence was valid, she’s never at any of my big events because of Jack. It might be pure coincidence, but I just didn’t want to see her. I was and am still upset.

My mom was annoyed by this and told me the world doesn’t revolve around me and I have no right to be upset over her not being there now that I know why. I told her that I don’t care, I don’t want to see her. In fact, I’m very angry at her.

She told me that I’m being selfish and that she won’t be contacting me anymore until I apologize because she cannot handle my childish tantrums on top of everything else.

I don't know. I think I should’ve just said okay and met up with her, but I’m hurt. She still hasn’t talked to me though, and she usually doesn’t go through with her threats. AITA?

OP responded to some comments:

Efficient_Wheel_6333 says:

NTA (Not the A%@^ole). From what I can tell, you've got a series of upsets here and most of it stems from the fact that your younger brother got in an accident and nobody told you. They then miss your wedding because your brother has what appears to be PTSD from the accident.

In most families, when we have a close family member in the hospital or otherwise in something major like a car accident, folks get told. Someone-your mom, your stepdad, your siblings (step or even Jack)-should have reached out and said that Jack was in an accident and they might not make it to the wedding because of that.

Heck, from what you've said, this is the latest in a line of major events that your mom's missed because of Jack. Once or twice, I can understand, but she should have started switching between the two of you long before now.

OP responded:

Yeah I’m not particularly close to Jack, my step siblings or my step dad but we don’t have a sour relationship. My mom and I don’t really have a bad relationship at all. The fact no one told me anything makes me sad because I do care for Jack in the sense that I want him to be safe.

My husband thinks that my mom was embarrassed because Jack was with an older friend and she’s big on reputation. Either way, I’m her firstborn and Jack’s older (half) sister. It’s sad.

Yeah she missed my high school graduation, two birthdays, and a few mom-daughter dates because Jack was either sick, in a mood, “missing”, etc. I never said much because he was still a kid then. But this was kind of like… the straw that broke the camel’s back?

jrm1102 says:

NTA - Her whole story sounds like BS, to be honest. Maybe time to evaluate your relationship with your mother?

OP responded:

I definitely feel she exaggerated a little about the events of that day but my step sibling sent me a selfie with Jack the other day and seems like he’s been hospitalized temporarily since then. I don’t think it was all lies.

menacingnoise63 says:

NTA. I think it's reasonable to feel disappointed and angry. If they were going to miss the event, they should have told you so. Also, I find it is very hard to believe a 15 yo would act so childish. Trauma is a thing of course, so them not wanting to travel in a car is fair. But then stopping their family members from traveling in a car themselves seems hella suspect. Then he passed out from stress? I call bs.

OP responded:

To be fair, he didn’t stop anyone. Far as I’m aware, they didn’t notice anything was off until they pulled out of the driveway and he started freaking out like really bad. He’s a tall kid so I can maybe believe him damaging the car too.

The passing out seems a little extra and I’m not sure I believe it at all but seeing as he’s been hospitalized since I don’t think it’s too far fetched either. I just feel she exaggerated some aspects.

magicsusan42 says:

NTA. I’d start by asking your step siblings what actually happened that day.vYour mom has made it very clear that Jack’s tantrums are more important than your wedding.

Then her comment about how the world doesn’t revolve around you because you didn’t IMMEDIATELY accept your apology and say “oh, yes! Let me just drop EVERYTHING and come meet up with you.” This, coming from the woman who missed your wedding.

I’d compile a list of every event of yours she missed and the excuse she had for missing it, but I’m petty like that. Your mom knows she’s giving you the short stick. That’s why she gets so angry and defensive about it when you call her on it.

OP responded:

I’ve tried. My one step sibling just said “I thought your mom told you”. The other one just sends me random snapchat messages and only gives one word answers when i ask a question. Jack hasn’t opened any messages and his social media’s dead.

What do you think? Should OP apologize to her mother?