'AITA for telling my mom I don’t want her new BF and his kids to go on vacation with us?' UPDATED
"AITAH for telling my mom I don’t want her new boyfriend and his kids to go on vacation with us and the rest of our family?"
Okay so my entire family was talking in a group text about booking villas at the beach next year and that they were going fast so if anyone wants to go they need to book one ASAP. My mom sent a text saying “I wish I could go” so I text her privately and said I was going to book one and if she wanted to go she could help me pay for it.
I went ahead and put the deposit down to reserve it while she was still trying to figure out if she could and when I told her I did she said “okay great. Does it sleep at least 8 people?” To which I replied “why do we need it to sleep 8?” And she said “oh well I invited my boyfriend and his sons to go with us” I told her that I would rather them not be there and that my brother definitely wouldn’t go if they also went.
For reference, my mother and father were never together, I was the result of a fling their senior year of high school, my siblings are the result of her first marriage which ended 13 years ago. For the past 13 years she has been in a relationship and lived with a man who I still call my stepfather even though they were never married, but he was a way better father to me and my siblings than our real fathers were.
This relationship ended after 13 years because the majority of those years my mother was unfaithful and left my “stepfather” because she got tired of him bringing up her infidelity.
She got mad that I didn’t want her newest boyfriend going with us on vacation, but I have no interest in getting to know someone that is just the “flavor of the week” part of me thinks I should just let them come too if she’s going to help pay for the place but the other half of me would rather pay for all of it myself and not have them there.
What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:
jacksonlove3 said:
NTA. I wouldn’t want to go with the new boyfriend and his kids too, especially have they weren’t even actually invited to go! Tell mom she can come solo or not at all!
OP responded:
That’s what I told her. And honestly since it’s a year away I’d imagine she won’t even be dating him by then anyway.
imothro said:
NTA. You had the kindness to invite your mom on a trip, and then she just invites 9 extra people without even asking you first? This is extremely rude behavior and it sounds to me like your mom just uninvited herself.
[deleted] said:
NTA. Who wants strangers tagging along on a family vacation? Especially given your mom’s painful, unstable history with men
OP responded:
Exactly. Her history is exactly why I have no intentions on really getting to know this guy.
Old_Crow13 said:
I'd be worried about her saying she's coming alone and then just showing up with him and the kids in tow, thinking she can guilt you into just dealing with it. Be prepared to be firm and stand your ground.
OP responded:
Oh she knows I can’t be guilted into letting them come, or anything else for that matter. If she doesn’t, and tries to do what you said, they’ll be sleeping in their car and I won’t feel the least bit bad about it.
Bmilvis said:
NAH - I wouldn’t go, it would be uncomfortable to be in a house with people I don’t know and don’t really want to know.
OP responded:
Well I’m paying for it so I’m going lol she can either go without her boyfriend or come up with her own money to get her own place. I just wasn’t sure if maybe I was being a bit unreasonable about it.
ShelbiLee said:
NTA. You invited your mother to share your vacation rental. You did not invite her and her guests to share your vacation rental. She has no business inviting other people to share your vacation rental without prior consent from you.
Mom has options though. Mom can get her own place to accommodate her group. Mom can vacation solo and stay with you at your rental. Mom can not go on this specific family vacation. Mom can plan her own vacation elsewhere for this specific time period and make her own rules about inviting people. See, she has options.
Have a great trip next year and remember Myrtle is nothing like your fond memories of vacations past. Lol
OP responded:
Thanks! I know it’s a bit rough down there now and it definitely wasn’t on my list of vacation spots lol luckily we’re staying in Lakewood so we aren’t out and about in all the chaos tho.
She later shared this brief update:
Update: so ever since I posted this my mother has been adamant about not going if her boyfriend can’t and that I’m an @$$hole. Until about 10 minutes ago when she sent me a text message saying to let her know when I need money for the villa lol. I haven’t texted back cause I know when I say “I thought you weren’t going?”
She’s just gonna get mad and throw a fit again but at this point I already planned on paying for the villa myself and just having a shit ton of extra room. What do y’all think?