Mom genuinely asks, 'AITA for buying my son a halloween costume?'

When this mom gets into a conflict with her husband about their son's halloween costume, she asks the internet:

'AITA for buying my son a halloween costume?'

I(34F) and my husband(35M) have a 5 year old son together. My husband was raised in a family where boys play with cars and girls with dolls.

Son has a huge obsession with unicorns and asked if he could go as a unicorn for Halloween. My husband told him no and he would take him shopping for a boy costume.

I found one in his size and wrapped the costume up to surprise him. I gave it to him after school and he immediately went to put it on.

My husband looks at me and tells me that I am trying to change our son to be girly and should have bought him a spiderman or superman costume. This incident happened over the weekend and husband is still fuming over it.

AITA for buying my son a halloween costume?

Let's find out.

oddtifle writes:

You should have had a discussion with your husband about the costume. You were aware he objected. Instead of having a conversation with him about what your child would wear, you undermined him as a parent. Next time he says, no your child will just go to you and hope you agree. YTA

agrestiy disagrees:

NTA. I can relate to the people who are saying that ESH coz you should communicate and not just go behind his back, but at the same time I know enough people who can't be reasoned with, so you might have had no other option but to override his BS and support your son.

I am curious how you ended up with someone so weirdly homophobic about unicorns though...

fopet writes:

NTA. It's a shame your husband is jealous that his own son gets to wear the costume he always wanted to wear. I would add "Lol" to the end of that but uhh...thats usually how these things end up turning out.

Real easy fix, if maybe petty and AH territory, is to blast his ass on social media if you both use it. Take pictures of your kid being an adorable unicorn, slap it on FB or whatever and ask this same question to your friends and family. Curious to know what his tune would be when he's getting dragged by probably everyone he knows online.

notjeff writes:

NTA. For all the people calling ESH here for OP not communicating or resolving their issues with their husband, guess what, there is a five year old who needs someone in their corner. Your son needs an advocate if his dad is going to dig in on this, then a five y.o. needs mom to have his back.

At that age they are not capable of standing up for themselves on an issue like this. And yes this will keep happening between OP and husband and if she wants to make it work, she will need to figure out communication sure, but her son's feelings need more protection than her husband's fragile masculinity.

fleettrrr writes:

YTA for marrying a misogynist and acting surprised when he raises your son with toxic masculinity and se%ist gender norms.

Edit: After reading your comments, you're an even bigger AH for having a child with someone so openly se%ist and homophobic. What if you had a girl, or if your child comes out as LGBT? Don't have children with someone whose love as a parent is conditional, ffs.

creaaatptyu writes:

ESH. I don’t agree with your husband. Kids should wear whatever and play with whatever makes them happy. He sucks for that. You also should’ve had a discussion with him about how over the top his reaction was to your son wanting the unicorn costume.

You suck because you went behind his back and didn’t try to come to and agreement with him and now basically put your son in the middle. You were trying to go over your husband and just made things worst. You both need to work on your communication and leave your kid out of it.

Poor kid is probably getting dads anger directed at him because you guys haven’t settled this. I know because my dad use to do that with me and it sucks. I suggest you work this out with him ASAP.

platttyr writes:

Nope. NTA. You sound like a good mom who wants to raise a son who feels confident in himself and are teaching him that his opinion matters to you. He is 5, if he wants to be unicorn for one day then let him. Halloween is a day to have fun, play pretend, and express his imagination. You are not trying to change him, you are listening to his own wishes.

Kids who never have the ability to make choices without adults steam rolling them, end up becoming adults who can’t make their own decisions. Forcing him to wear a costume he doesn’t like because you like it or your husband likes it would be trying to change him.

For the sake of your marriage, try to ask your husband why he is not okay with your guys’ son dressing up how your son wants. He is probably angry/frustrated because you bought a costume for your son that he specifically said “no” to behind his back. That doesn’t make your husband “right”, but him feeling frustrated by your actions is still valid.

You and your husband should have a heart to heart and dig into the issue he has with his son “acting girly”. Try to find out why that really bothers him and see if the conversation helps him realize that his fears about his son liking girly things are irrational.

Liking girly things won’t change his son into a girl or make him weaker or whatever fears he has in his head about gender stereotypes.

It is normal for kids to like all sorts of things and there will probably be many more times in the future where your son will want something he deems as “girly” so having the conversation with your husband now to address his feelings about that will make future situations less of a big deal. Communication with your husband is the key.