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'AITA for telling my 18yo daughter to either sue for child support or get out of my house?'

'AITA for telling my 18yo daughter to either sue for child support or get out of my house?'


"AITA for telling my 18-year-old daughter to either sue for child support or get out of my house?"

My (40F) 18 yo daughter " Ava" dropped out of high school after getting pregnant by her then boyfriend, who is 19. Ava will be 19 soon, has no job and a 10 month old baby.

Her boyfriend " Andrew" moved from Jacksonville FL to Miami for college. He never actually broke up with Ava but instead told her that they were still together and even went as far as to leave a sleeping bag and other toiletries in her room to " show" her that they were essentially a family.

Now he has changed his number and blocked Ava on social media after accusing her of cheating so this could not be his baby. He ignores all communication offering for him to prove he's not the dad.

I have been handling Ava with kid gloves, but here is the situation. I am a single mom, and Ava is my second child of three. My older daughter, 20F lives at home but works weekends as a barista, and just got a job working 3 hours a week doing Quickbooks for a church, all while studying to be an ultrasound tech. She pays $150 a month in rent and if she wants new clothes or to eat out, that's all her.

My youngest son is 10 and it's obviously my responsibility to pay for what my ex's support payments won't cover. However, Ava seems to think that because she technically can qualify as a high school " Super Senior" that she is essentially still a high schooler who can come home and expect that her food, shelter, and new clothes plus "Fun" expenses are covered, no questions asked.

And that the biggest problem with Andrew going silent is the fact that he's a jerk and some college girl has " stolen" him away. That is not adult thinking and I'm getting worried that Ava will never get it if I don't spell it out for her.

I told her that she either has to show me concrete proof that she's working towards a GED and then if she passes, some sort of useful certification ( in which case I'll let her stay for free), or she needs to get a job. Ask her sister if any restaurants are hiring. If a gym needs a front desk clerk. Whatever.

She told me she would rather just "do high school." I said ok- but either way, employed or not, Andrew is the dad and just because he's 19 doesn't mean he should get off any easier than a 39 year old who got his wife pregnant and then left.

But Ava got angry and either Andrew or his siblings got it into her head that if she filed, he would lose his scholarship or be forced out of college. And that the judge would probably say that Andrew cannot make any money in college so she gets no support.

I told her she does not understand how much diapers and everything else costs, and if she does not file for support, she is about to find out because I'm kicking her out with $100 dollars and that's it.

And then if she needs diapers she can go to the grocery store and see what the total comes out to. AITA? I also printed out flyers about government social programs and taped it to her door.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

jacksonlove3 said:

NTA. Your daughter made an adult choice, now she needs to stand up and be an adult. SHE needs to support her child, one way or another. You aren’t nor should you be a de factor parent for her & get baby daddy. You’re offering her very reasonable compromise & solutions here.

forgetregret1day said:

The little Mormon boy broke a ton of that “religion’s” covenants by having premarital sex so he doesn’t get to pick and choose the ones he follows. Your daughter is now an adult and she needs to stop playing house at your expense and face facts. She had a child. Obviously didn’t do it alone.

If he faces consequences for his actions, so be it, but you can’t be her “partner“ here. Both of them need to grow up and accept responsibility. Tough love may be called for here.

What do his parents have to say about all this? It infuriates me that the only worry seems to be his future and her getting to do what she wants while YOU pay the bills. Time to get real here. You’re NTA for expecting her to do the right thing for her child.

MizzyvonMuffling said:

Sue the damn kid for child support. How very religious of him to dump the mother of his child and abandon his child? What's he going to say on his "mission?" I'm 19 and the church is behind me abandoning my child...

Your daughter needs to grow up and go on her way to get an education so she can provide for her child. Don't throw her out just yet but giving her ultimatums might help or wake her up hopefully sooner than later. She needs to step up, she's a mother now.

Rendogala said:

NTA. It sounds like her the father is trying to sweep his responsibilities under the rug and hope they’ll go away. I’m not familiar with the law but it sounds like your daughter has a good case to claim full custody (which it sounds like she already has) and/or receive child support.

The father can’t have it both ways. It’s not fair for your daughter (and you) to be solely responsible for a situation they both equally put themselves in. Your daughter is young so she may need some guidance.

List out what you need her to do and if they’re not met by x date tell her she’s gotta go. Sounds like the dude’s parents may not even know about the child.

kikivee612 said:

NTA. Your daughter seems to be living in a fantasy land that if she just waits long enough Andrew will come back to rescue her and they’ll live happily ever after. That’s a nice story, but it’s not reality and just proves that she had no business having a baby.

You are doing the best thing for her that you can do and that’s making her face reality. She thinks that if she is still in high school you can’t kick her out. Unfortunately, she’s in for a rude awakening.

She should go after child support because she’s entitled to it. That boy wants nothing to do with her or his child now and that’s not going to change. She needs to get her priorities straight and set some goals for her and her baby for their future. Therapy may help her to get to the right head space.

Whether she’s trying to get her diploma or not, she should be working. There is no reason she can’t work and go to school. She also needs to apply for whatever social services she can to try to get assistance for food, daycare and possibly schooling. Your daughter needs to understand that this isn’t playing house.this is real life and she’s a mother. She needs to act like it.

Nereus333 said:

Did he sign the birth certificate? Half the battle is already won if he did. A paternity test will resolve it.

Being a dad should in no way impact his scholarship, nor would he get kicked out of college for it, imo that's a load of bs which I am going to assume Andrew put into your daughter's head so he didn't have to face his responsibilities. Regardless, he's a deadbeat dad and a p.o.s. imo, and doesn't deserve any considerations.

As far as you supporting your daughter, as long as she is legit working on her studies and setting some goals, then support her if you are able to. Have to allow some leeway though since she has a baby to care for as well, although I'm guessing you're doing a lot of the work when it comes to the baby.

Kicking her out with a baby and no money.. that's not nice. That would make you the AH (you and Andrew). She should qualify for some assistance btw.

OP responded to the comment above with this:

Yes Andrew did sign it but is claiming he was tricked into it and that she has been sleeping with up to 7 other guys in high school.

She says she'd prefer to get a GED over getting a job but then refuses to get a GED because she also wants the high school experience she was robbed of by the baby.

We've offered to make him take a paternity test multiple times and he has refused.

What's your advice for this family?

Sources: Reddit
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