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Mom grounds 'mean preteen' daughter for Mother's Day behavior, 'we're being too hard on her.' AITA?

Mom grounds 'mean preteen' daughter for Mother's Day behavior, 'we're being too hard on her.' AITA?


"AITA for grounding my daughter for how she acted at mother's day breakfast?"

My husband (32M) and I (32F) have a daughter, Mia (12F), as well as sons 10M and 9M. We all went to a Mother’s Day breakfast with my siblings and parents. We had a reservation at a high end restaurant.

My sister Courtney (37F) has 2 kids, 13F and 11M. Her son, Dudley, has a friend from basketball whose parents are from the Philippines. My sister and her husband (and no one in our family really, except Dudley) are not sports people, but ever since he could walk, Dudley has loved basketball.

His parents put him in a program at 2 and that’s where he met his best friend. Dudley has gifts from his friend from the nation and has gone on vacation there with them. Dudley was wearing some traditional outfit from the tribe his friend’s family is a part of, I don’t remember the name of the outfit or tribe, though Dudley mentioned it.

Mia is unfortunately going through her preteen mean girls phase right now, we have tried everything but she’s still acting out. Mia made comments as soon as she saw Dudley, asking him why he was wearing something so ugly. She asked him if he was shopping for clothes in the dark.

I told her to stop but she continued to make fun of him. When Dudley explained what he was wearing, Mia said that “those people must be weird," referring to the tribe Dudley’s friend is a part of.

At this point, I told Mia to get up and told her we needed to speak. She got up and I went to the car with her and told her to knock it off, she told me no. After some arguing, we went back and finished our food and then we drove home. When we got home, I told my husband we needed to speak, after speaking, we told her she was grounded for a week and took her phone away.

We went to my sister’s house to exchange gifts. While there, my mom said she is upset at how we punished Mia, saying that she’s only 12 and we are being too hard on her. She said that Mia will make mistakes and that taking her phone away is too harsh of a punishment and will only make her resent Dudley. AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Lumpy_Ad7002 said:

Tell your mother that raising your child is your business, not hers, and you're not going to put up with bad behavior and intentional rudeness. And if you can manage to look at her pointedly, hinting that you also mean her behaviour, so much the better. NTA.

Queen_of_Meh1987 said:

NTA. She needs to learn that her behavior was completely unacceptable and that actions have consequences. She chose to continue to be a brat, so she gets that outcome. Good on you and your husband for actually parenting your child!

Melificent40 said:

NTA. Her behavior was unacceptable and the consequences should be unpleasant.

jacksonlove3 said:

Absolutely positively NTA. At 12 years old she knows right from wrong, or at least should! And talking negatively like she was about people/something that she truly didn’t know anything about was not only disrespectful and rude but also teetering on bullying. Her actions, or words in the case, should have consequences!

NotThisAgain234 said:

NTA. The next time you go out with her, decide ahead of time with your husband which of the two of you is going to stand up when she starts up and walk her out. Take her phone and sit her snotty ass down in the lobby or the car to wait for the others, yes like you do with a toddler. I’d call a babysitter for her and leave her at home for awhile.

henchwench89 said:

NTA she doesn’t get a pass for being a rude brat because she’s 12. And honestly now is the time to curb that behavior. According to your mother what age should you intervene and correct your daughters bad behavior?

Everyone was unanimously on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this family?

Sources: Reddit
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