Mom holds a 4-years-long grudge against a doctor over 'something small.' AITA?
"AITA for holding a 4 year long grudge against a doctor, over something 'small?'"
Back when my son was 4 he had extreme behavioral issues. His doctor started making arrangements for an evaluation to be done but ultimately he ended up retiring before anything was pushed through and my son was given a new doctor in the practice.
The new doctor was fresh out of college and was so dismissive. She met with my son once, went over his charts and point blank told me my son was acting like that because of me.
Spent the entire 30 minute appointment telling me how to parent my kid and what I was doing wrong. Telling me that I lacked consistency, that I needed to learn discipline, that he only acted like that because I didn't have a back bone.
And she wasn't even nice about it either. Like every time I would mention any behavior my son had, I was met with a smirk or an eye roll and a "yeah he does that because you're young and don't know what you're doing. Children aren't play things. This is what happens when babies have babies" (I was 24).
To make matters worse, my son was her first ever patient (she had just gotten out of college and was shadowing up until then). I even brought up that my son started having breathing problems and she told me it was behavioral and that he was only acting like he was having breathing issues to get his own way (because he would hold his breath and start screaming/hyperventilating). I left that appointment crying, put in a complaint and switched doctors before even leaving the office.
Well, the doctor they switched my son to was great. They did the evaluation like his original doctor wanted and it was determined that he had ODD and gave me resources to manage it. Not only that but they also diagnosed him with asthma after checking his O2 and it being 84.
He was later diagnosed with ADHD. Well, this doctor just switched practices and now there's only 2 doctors in this pediatrics office. One being the one I filed a complaint about years ago. The front desk tried switching my son back to being under this doctors care and I've refused.
I don't want her anywhere near my kid or me but the other doctor is slammed with patients so they called me in for a meeting and the doctor I filed the complaint about apologized and asked me to let go of the past and that she's "more educated" now and feels she should be forgiven, especially where it was over something "small."
I stood my ground however and told her she wasn't welcome near me or my child and due to this, I've overwhelmed the other doctor, who already has a lot of patients. My husband thinks I'm an AH for not giving this doctor a chance but I don't feel she deserves one after proving that she's just a dismissive person in general.
Here's what the top commenters had to say about this one:
Repulsia said:
That one doctor is slammed while she has vacancies suggests you're not the only parent she pissed off. Don't let them blame you for her bad bedside manner and pressure you into seeing someone who is still dismissing your concerns.
NTA. A friend of mine was told by a doctor that her young daughter was faking leg pain for attention. Turned out the kid had a bone disease (Perthes disease). Trust your gut.
Mobile_Prune_3207 said:
It's not a grudge. It's not like she just had a poor bedside manner (which you can overlook for a great doctor). She literally did not care to consider anything other than poor parenting. If it was a physical illness, would she have been so dismissive? NTA.
LawPrestigious2789 said:
NTA, it’s your right to not be seen by her, stand your ground and hopefully the consequences of her actions will remind her to never be dismissive towards another patient again.
Feisty-Network-4897 said:
So NTA!! How on Earth are you supposed to trust that doctor when they failed you so miserably. Being a doctor straight out of school is no excuse. Did she apologize 4 years ago? Did she make up to you at all during the last few years? That would show growth. As it stands they are making excuses.
Is this the only pediatric practice in your town? I would consider switching if at all possible since it looks like your current pediatric establishment doesn’t have your child’s best interest at heart. They are more concerned with their doctors than cleaning up the mess this first Dr caused.
GrouchySteam said:
Action have consequences. Time for that doctor that also means patients refusing her care due to her inadequate behavior.
From your post, I understand she only apologized to have you back in her client listing, not genuinely after the facts. Probably you aren’t the first one to refuse treatment from her fallowing an interaction poorly conducted by her.
She chooses to be dismissive and judgmental. You don’t have to put your health or the one of your child in her hand. She proved she can’t be trusted, you do not have to try again. NTA.
Fire_or_water_kai said:
NTA. The other doctor is overwhelmed because this woman is a bad doctor that other patients don't want to see. If she had truly learned anything, she wouldn't have called what happened "small." Goes to show that her interaction with you wasn't a one-off situation, and obviously other patients don't want her either.
Time for whomever owns that practice to hire a better doctor and get rid of someone that other patients refuse to see. Your husband is out of order too.