Mom worried that husband's 'cameltoe' explanation is 'inappropriate parenting.' AITA?
When this mom is concerned that her husband may have made a bad parenting move with their son, she asks Reddit:
"AITA? I'm concerned that my husband was inappropriate with my son?"
Looking for advice and opinions on this!
This morning I overheard our 13 year old son asking my husband what a “cameltoe” is in a swimming suit. I stifled my laughter, and eavesdropped on my husband’s response, and had to share it.
My son said he heard kids at school talking and joking about cameltoe, and he didn’t know what they were talking about. So my husband explained that in certain clothing (swimsuits, leggings, etc.), you can sometimes see outlines of a woman’s private parts.
He said it’s very natural, not uncommon, and never something to make fun of or dwell on or make a girl feel uncomfortable about.
He said part of being a man is understanding that when you see these kinds of things, you notice and recognize them as very normal, appreciate that they are just a natural part of a woman, and move on.
My son then had a lot of questions. Does this happen by accident? (Answer: usually, probably, but it’s just how the body works and shows in certain clothes.)
Do they all look the same? (No, it’s just part of each woman’s particular body, how that part of her body is shaped.) Is it gross to look at? (Not at all! Nothing gross about it. It’s just a part of a woman’s body.)
Do you ever notice and look at that? (Sure I notice in passing sometimes, that’s just life, but never stare, never make anyone uncomfortable, never call attention to it.) Is it actually nice to look at?
(That part of a woman’s body is one of the prettiest things god created! But it’s personal and private and so never ever make anyone uncomfortable, or stare, or be creepy.)
I laughed at the whole thing at first, but ended up very proud how my husband handled this! But - is it too much for a 13 year old to hear? Genuinely curious people’s opinions.
Let's take a look at some of the top responses. Readers had a LOT of opinions on OP's parenting.
artneddaloof writes:
Excellent response from your husband. A+ parenting. 13 - in the throes of hormone production - chemicals and gland all kicking in for that last frantic spurt towards adulthood.
At that age they are experiencing body changes, emotional changes and investigating what these changes mean.
Honest I think your husband did better than good for these reasons: He gave context (physical, social) to his answers so the 13 year old can understand how that word works in greater society.
He took his son’s question seriously and responded in a serious manner. He treated the questions with honesty and respect and a matter of fastness that this is part of everyday life. What a magnificent way to provide a safe spot to get answers.
Ignorance leads to trouble. If the child knows enough to ask about it, the odds are the child has been filled with the playground half-truths/rumours/misfacts. No matter how uncomfortable I think accuracy and honesty to your children is critical at a time when the children are naturally looking to separate from their parents.
This is an age where children begin to look to their peers for guidance and approval. What your husband did is reaffirm his parental role as mentor, guide and teacher.
organicad7 writes:
Your husband did the BEST job. And no, as far as I’m concerned it’s not too much for a 13 year old to hear. Your son is around that curious age and he’s asking questions. That’s natural. If you sugarcoat things it will 100% cause him to go to other sources.
I’m a perfect example. My dad said “women’s privates are a lot like plumbing. I know plumbing, but I dont know much about what they have going on down there. Just do your best (referring to sex). Before patting me on the back.
I ended up watching porn at 11 and having unprotected sex at 14. So take it from me, your husband did a great job.
creature8 writes:
Your husband did an amazing job explaining everything without being weird about it. Also props to you for not trying to step in and not make either of them feel uncomfortable!
Your son is at that age where they are gonna ask questions about body parts and other things, and the best thing you guys can do as parents is be able to explain it to him appropriately instead of him googling anything or even asking anyone else who would probably make it a bit weird.
You guys are doing amazing and he's lucky to have parents who he feels safe to come to!!
jipc7 writes:
Holy hell, woman, I (60/F) am in love with your wonderful husband! He explained EVERYTHING amazingly AND appropriately! I also have to point out that you're BOTH doing an awesome job raising your child because he felt comfortable coming to his Father to ask such an uncomfortable question!
I wish Reddit still had awards because, for the first time, I would have actually spent money to buy you GOLD! ALL of his responses were SO bloody heartwarming and "wholesome" even when the "subject" was cameltoe! LMAO Best wishes and many Blessings for all of you! Keep being the terrific parents you obviously are!
aggresivepayment7 writes:
I've had to brave those questions, trying to be factual, respectful, and at ease with the directness going both ways, inviting comfort in the talk. It's a really hard walk to walk, and talk to talk. I did pretty good, though I shyed into being technical too easily. Give myself a B overall.
Your husband was fantastic, A+ 100%. On the fly he did better than some people could script it ahead of time.
So did your son, in being vulnerable like that, and trying to better understand the word, it's meaning, and calibrating the social reactions he's glimpsed in others and what he can and feel proud to offer in perspective and dignity ahead himself. Dignified reverence, and graciousness too, so many great lessons all wrapped into one.
Be ever so proud of those fellas. Keep your nurture for each other strong, you've got this.
bdr67 writes:
13 is the perfect age to hear about things like this. As a guy, I wish my father would've been as open about these things when I was that age.
I couldn't ask any questions about anything related to sex, girls, etc. because that wasn't something you could talk about. It really painted the wrong picture for me as a young guy, as the info I did get about women came from the 'cool guys' in the neighborhood who didn't have a clue as well. Took a while to get things right when I had my first girlfriend.
Treasure this man, he's awesome! I try to do the same with my daughters, there are no weird questions, anything is fine.