Mom labels son's school supplies; tells teacher, 'These are NOT to be shared with his stepsister.' AITA?

When this mom isn't sure if she amde the right parenting move, she asks the internet:

"AITA for labeling my son's school supplies and informing his next teacher they are not to be shared with his stepsister?"

My son isn't back in school yet but I was contacted by his teacher for next grade asking if I had bought him all the required items and to inquire about any donated class supplies.

While we were talking I told her that I had labeled my son's supplies and do not want him forced to share those with his stepsister (not my stepchild, my ex's). I also made it clear I was not counting the donated class supplies I'd be giving but just my son's personal ones.

Last grade it was a constant issue and the teacher ignored me because it wasn't stated at the start of the year. So I got ahead this year.

His teacher said she made a note of it and wouldn't make him share. My ex and his wife were contacted also. Her about her two kids (daughter and a younger son).. Him about our son.

Things are getting dramatic. His wife apparently told the teacher her daughters supplies would be shared by my son and she corrected them and said she must have his own because class supplies can't substitute him the entire year.

This was followed by my ex calling to say they can't afford to do this shit. He said it was bad enough finding stuff for the kids to use when my son was leaving his supplies in the cubby at school so they couldn't be used by all the kids.

But now the school is saying they can't be divided between the two kids and that I'm a selfish b&ch for that. He said they're family and it shouldn't be this big of an issue. I told him I was not responsible for providing for his stepkids.

That if they can't afford them then it's not my problem. He told me his stepdaughter will suffer and I told him I do not care. It's not my job to make sure she and her brother are provided for and I told him that I ended up spending way more than expected on supplies last year when our son was forced to share.

Ex's wife reached out and told me I should be ashamed, I should be more willing to let the sharing happening, they're siblings and belong to the same family, innocent child. I told her that if she cannot afford to buy her kids supplies she should find their dads and ask. Not expecting me, who has nothing to do with her kids, to support them.

For context my son is 8, his stepsister is also 8 or literally about to turn 8 and his stepbrother is 5/6. My son wasn't willingly sharing the supplies. He was forced to by his teacher and he hated it because she did ruin some of his best supplies, especially crayons and color pencils but also his sharpener. I don't think it was intentional. It seems like she's just a rougher kid with stuff.

Ex and his wife say I'm an ass and should feel so ashamed for willingly letting a child in the family suffer and for being petty about school supplies. AITA?

Let's see what readers had to say:

fsmart writes:

All Adults in this Situation are TA ... Weird and sad situation. I wonder if this is a battle worth fighting. Seems like school supplies shared between step-siblings are being used as a proxy for issues between adults.

I understand that it is not your responsibility to provide school supplies for another child, but what are we talking about? Crayons, pencils, pens, etc.? Outside of clothes and backpacks and jackets I can't imagine the sharable school supplies could add up to more than $50.

Not that I have any sense of what your financial means are but maybe you could have empathy on your son's step-sister and purchase a few extra supplies that she can use.

It seems by fostering a resentment over this petty thing you are feeding or creating a culture of disfunction not centered on the overall welfare of your child or your child's siblings.

Clearly you are not the only one contributing to this disfunction yet someone has to be the better person otherwise simple shit like school supplies ends up being a battlefield.

pretzma writes:

This is infuriating to me. My youngest niece missed her first year of real school due to lock down and her mom excitedly purchased all the required items included on the list.

Because my niece was worried (having been out of school / nursery for so long) she let her pick exactly what she wanted and even paid a little extra to have her name embossed onto her colouring pencils.

Within a week the teacher took the coloured pencils and put them in communal pots in the middle of the table for everyone to share. Niece was devasted.

I understand the teachers are in a hard position with some kids not having supplies but to take away her special pencils without even informing the parents is punishing the kids who turned up prepared. Absolutely NTA. You are already donating extra supplies (as did my SIL) that should be enough.

kdbow writes:

NTA. You are responsible for your kid and are taking care of him. They are responsible for their children. Your ex should be helping support your kid too, but you are not responsible for his step kids.

It’s too bad for the step kids because their parents sound like deadbeats. If anyone should be ashamed for not taking care of the children it should be them. They are leeches.

agha7 writes:

NTA. Those kids are not your responsibility, nor are they your family. They're your ex's stepkids, you have no relation to them at all. Biologically, they're not your son's family either, and forcing him to share with his stepsister will be one part of him never seeing the steps as siblings.

Go ahead with labelling your son's stuff and refusing to share with the stepsister. The school clearly has a donation system to cover any items the girl doesn't have, plus it's on her parents to provide those items.

That means her biological parents, by the way, it's your ex's choice to provide for the steps, not his responsibility. A choice he made when he got together with a woman with kids. It's awesome of him to step up for them, of course.

But that's on him. Not you. You never signed up to provide for someone else's kids, he did. You're the ex, you only need to provide for your own kids.

I'd talk to your son, as well. First, let him know you've informed the teacher that he's not to share with the stepsister from now on and all his things will be labelled. Tell him to tell both the teacher and yourself if his stepsister, or anyone else, tries to take/borrow his stuff.

And then have a chat about how he's treated and expected to behave while with his dad and the steps. This sounds like a couple who will seriously push the 'family' and 'siblings' thing, regardless of how your son feels. Talk about how he sees the steps, if he sees them as family or not, and support what he says.

If he's being pushed to see them a way he doesn't see them, make sure he knows that you support him and he doesn't have to see them as anything he doesn't feel comfortable seeing them as.

Forcing bonds in blended families never works, and can cause damage to the kids, it will always damage their relationship with the parent forcing it. Don't speak badly about dad or stepmum, just make sure he knows you have his back.

faagc writes:

NTA - If your custody arrangement with your ex is through the court, it may be time to go back to court and at least request one of the communication apps I keep reading about on here.

Whenever you purchase supplies for your son that he is supposed to pay half for, let him know in writing, and if he refuses to pay, make sure it is documented. They have opened a can of worms that they may not be able to afford.

Normally, the supplies that are taken by the teacher at the beginning of the school year are put in a community pool for the entire class - but not all of the supplies are taken.

As it sounds like something else is going on here, it needs to be addressed. The fact that the school reacted the way they did last year is wrong. You did the right thing getting in front of it this year, and making it abundantly clear that you are not financially responsible for your son's STEP sibling.

I noticed that you said that there is only one class per grade, and to move schools is a zoning issue. Is there another school close enough that you can drive to? If so, can you address the situation with the court to see if they can assist with getting him moved?