Mom confronts neighbor who was rude to her son on Halloween; 'I'm NOT the neighborhood KAREN.' AITA?

When this mom is frustrated with a "halloween grinch" in the neighborhood, she asks the internet:

"AITA for confronting a neighbor who was rude to my son at trick or treat because of a "rule" I'd never heard of?"

I (27f) took my 4 year old son trick or treating on Halloween, as normal parents do. He was so adorable in his costume and his joy was infectious. We went along, house after house, lots of smiles, exclamations of how cute he was, and of course loads of candy.

Then we came to one house. We rang the bell, initially there was no answer, but I could see there were lights on in the house, so clearly people were home. Also, I heard shuffling behind the door, clearly they were looking through the peephole to see who was there. I rang again.

Then after 2 more minutes, I rang a third time, and the woman opened the door with a nasty look, and before my son could even say trick or treat, she pointed to her porch light and rudely said "porch light off means don't ring here" and started to close the door.

The look on my little boys face was so heartbreaking, I could not let that nastiness slide. Plus, I had never heard of such a rule and told her so, and asked how she could break a little boy's heart like that. The repeated the rule and said she didn't have any candy anyway and to please leave her alone.

I asked what kind of idiot doesn't make sure to have some bare minimum candy around on Oct 31, like use a damn calendar. She said not everyone wants to be part of Halloween and slammed the door in my face.

I comforted my poor son, explained some people are just terrible grinches and we moved on to a few more houses but the night was ruined. It got worse. I got back home and saw my phone had insane notifications, apparently this woman had recorded the whole interaction on her door camera and posted it to the local neighborhood Facebook group.

Anyway, the backlash was so bad I had to leave the group, I'm still getting horrible dms. Apparently the porch light rule is real, it's a way to signal you're opting out of Halloween (who tf wants to opt out of Halloween?!)

Even my husband won't back me up. He knew the rule, and while he's sympathetic to the social media abuse I'm getting, he said it was stupid of me to engage when she clearly didn't want to participate. I'm upset he thinks I should have let rudeness against our little boy slide. AITA for confronting this rude woman?

Let's see what readers thought:

clousg writes:

ESH. Um, I don't know your background, so maybe you're new or smth, but "Porch light off means don't come here" on Halloween has been the literal rule for at least three decades.

If you've ever trick or treated before, I have no idea how you wouldn't know that. Besides that, even if that was somehow a rule you've avoided learning, ringing the bell THREE times is rude in general, as is calling her an idiot for not having candy.

There are numerous religions that don't participate in Halloween, whether you agree or not, and candy isn't exactly free to give out. Expecting or demanding that everyone participate in a holiday just because you care about it is dumb.

However that woman sucks for recording you and posting it online. There was no need or benefit in doing that, she should have just let it go and moved on.

faxl writes:

YTA… You kept harassing them when they clearly weren’t going to open the door. YOU caused the confrontation. No one has to take part in any holiday. Not everyone wants to and frankly? Your insistence that everyone has to take part screams “entitled parent”.

I am the parent of a child with ASD. He’s been disappointed in the past by people not taking part but I’ve sat down with him and explained that not everyone takes part. Some don’t celebrate Halloween at all and it’s a personal thing. Whilst we celebrate it? Some people have objections to the holiday for a myriad of reasons.

My kid understands this. This year? He didn’t want to trick or treat… He wanted to stay in - help me make the porch display (for the record I’m UK based and even I know about the light/decoration rule), help me make up the Halloween treat bags...

because in my house we go all out - it’s more like a party bag per kid that comes to my door, and, hand out the “candy” (he likes the word candy over sweets despite it being more American coded, not British).

Stop being so entitled. YTA for harassing that person. YTA for not explaining this nicely to your own kid. YTA for being upset that you harassed them and got the consequences you deserved.

freps writes:

Huge YTA. Porch light off has alway meant no candy. Not answering the door on the first ring was obvious enough, by the third you're a massive ah that doesn't get the hint.

Trying to gaslight (I'm 100% I'm actually using it right here) her by saying there's something wrong with her for not buying your precious angel candy is some massive bs. Buy your kid candy yourself.

You deserve the crap you're getting, you harassed a neighbor then talked crap about them because they didn't happily accept your harassment with a smile.

Why are you surprised that you're getting called out for it, you know that you were already planning on what you would say in that group chat about her as soon as you got home to try and shame her. Just checking, do you have the K-r-n haircut naturally, or was it part of your costume?

fagh2333 writes:

Wow. MAJOR YTA. And I am a serious Halloween decorator and enthusiast. You don’t get to decide that everyone likes Halloween. Porch light off is the very basic, common sense message of “skip us please” at Halloween.

I will say you are not alone in not knowing that. I have a graveyard on a quarter acre that is very popular locally, as I give out goodie bags. (The kind people drive to from further neighborhoods.) The house directly across from us in an AirBNB. It was dark, not a single light on anywhere on the property, and I saw at least 6 groups that night go up to it. Not knowing isn’t the A-Hole issue though.

What makes you the major AH is that you attempted to shame them and imply that everyone should participate in Halloween. You are just 1 year younger than me, and I say this seriously, widen your perspective.

You come across as very self focused and entitled. Unfortunately, I think the Facebook backlash is deserved. Let this be a learning experience and grow from this event.