'AITA for telling my mom no, she doesn’t get a say on what we do on MY vacation?'

"AITA for telling my mom no, she in fact doesn’t get a say on what we do on MY holiday?"

So recently I’ve started planning a 3 week trip to Germany next June and I’m so excited! I told my mum and she said she’d love to tag along. I was reluctant as she has a history of complaining on vacations, changing plans and being a bit of a drag (which is sometimes just down to circumstance and not her fault) so I was reluctant to affirm if she could come. I just said “well we’ll see” and left it at that.

Fast forward 2 weeks and she’s actively changing my plans in where I want to stay and what I want to do. Complaining about the cost of hotels, the area we will be staying in and the time of year I am going. I made sure to tell her very firmly that if she wants to come with me on MY holiday then that means we will be doing what I want.

Museums, historical sites, castles, galleries etc. the full cultural experience. She doesn’t get a say in where I choose to stay for us or what region I want to visit. She’s just going to be along for the ride.

Now she’s actively sulking because I chose to stay 5 nights in a beautiful chateau instead of “proper accommodation”, ie a random chain hotel on the city. I told her again that she doesn’t get a say in where we stay if she wants to accompany me. Now she’s arguing that since she’s paying half the hotel cost, (since we will be sharing a room most of the trip) she should get some say in where we stay.

I will admit that I got a bit angry with her because I was sick of her complaining about every option I gave her. I said that if she was going on a cruise she wouldn’t get a choice in destination just because she’s paying; this trip is a cruise, she can either get on for the ride or not come at all. She said I was being mean and inflexible.

I feel like she’s shoehorning herself into my trip I’ve been dreaming about for 18 months. AITA?

This is what people had to say to OP:

pixie-ann said:

NTA but don’t let her tag along. She’ll ruin it with her complaining and you’ll regret it.

Why are you letting her go with you? What possible benefit is there to you if she goes?

Imaginary-Yak-6487 said:

NTA but stop telling her about your trips until after you’re back. Or not at all.

Cautious-Spinach-635 said:

Nta but you really should have said no to begin with. Did you at least say “well mom I already have plans and they are ABCD. And I’m not changing them so if you want to go then you will either be on your own or I expect no complaining”. Or something like this? And reminded her of the rules.

And Short-pitched said:

YTA for taking her along. You know how your mom is then why take her. If she is paying half of the hotel bills etc then she does get a say in where to stay and you are being inflexible. But, the real issue is, why take her?

OP shared this small update:

I showed my mum some more info about the trip, sat her down and we went through my itinerary together. She admitted she overreacted because she’s had bad experiences with “rustic accommodation” in the past and apologized for getting so hands on with my holiday.

She said she only wanted me to have a good time as she’s been to Germany a few times before and this was my first time. She’s still coming with me but we’ve agreed to split up when we get to Munich so I can do what I want and she can do what she wants. For context, I love my mum and I still want her to come, she just needs to be told every now and then!