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Groom tries to trick 'manic' mom into missing his wedding events and she finds out. AITA?

Groom tries to trick 'manic' mom into missing his wedding events and she finds out. AITA?

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"AITA for being honest when my dad asked where my mom was on my wedding morning?"​​​​

Anonnonnononon

I recently married my beautiful wife "Amanda." She isn't the biggest fan of my mom and that is probably mutual. I don't know. Amanda knows I am on her side and here to support any boundaries. She was concerned about how my mom would behave at the wedding and admitted to not wanting to spend any more time with her than absolutely necessary.

I ended up going to my mom's husband "Chris" and asking if he had any thoughts so we could all have a peaceful day and no bridesmaids would need to "accidentally" spill anything.

At first he didn't want to help, but he didn't want my mom to feel embarrassed and gave in. He said it was already going to be a long day for her, so he recommended no pre wedding festivities and said he would get her out of the rehearsal dinner early, so she had enough time in between. He took her out right after dinner and took her somewhere else.

The day of the wedding she was not invited to get ready with the bridal party or have a champagne breakfast. Instead, Chris took her to the beach for a long run (get that energy out.)

He then took her to a nice breakfast, home for some one on one attention, and let her know he had a special day planned the following day. She got her makeup done at their house and came just in time for the wedding.

My stepmom "Lexi' was however invited to get ready with the bridal party. I guess she told my dad my mom wasn't there and he asked me. I told him the truth that Chris was taking care of her as it would be too long of a day for her.

I guess he told someone else because my mom found out and was furious. She asked how I could humiliate her and said I'm a terrible son. She said I could have said nothing and accused me of not loving her.

She said she knows the truth that we just don't like her or want her around. Chris also got mad and said he regretted helping me. I felt kind of bad after that encounter and was wondering AITA?

Here were the top rated comments from readers:

ResoluteMuse

Dude, you have got to learn to not share information between two divorced people, you put yourself squarely in the path of this firestorm. Lexi has a big mouth and your father should have minded his own damned business, but I’m guessing he just had to point out how his wife was there and ex was not and that’s some sort of win for him.

While not intentional, and I hope you take this as a lesson learned, but you’ve tipped into YTA category not because of your actions on the day, but for not being able to prevent yourself from sharing information that on some level you knew had the potential to blow up.

Mr_Pink_Gold

I went to No Man's Land and got machine gunned by both sides. Why?

This is what this post read like to me XD

shelwood46

I did enjoy the lengthy passage where he talked about his mother like she was a golden retriever with ADHD.

gew1000

(Get that energy out) had me in literal tears. I need to know more about this woman.

Left_Adhesiveness_16

ESH although I get that your mom needed to be managed to make the day as peaceful as possible since it appear she causes drama sometimes. Your step mom also drummed up drama, your dad should've minded his business, you should have kept quiet about the plan. And your mom should learn to act better so she doesn't HAVE to be managed like a toddler.

Impossible-Tutor-799

NTA. She needed to be managed and you and Chris managed her. She stilll threw a tantrum any how, but guess what? She didn’t get to ruin your wedding. Chris is having fall out but this is on her.

AlexMango44

Sounds like she might have some type of illness since she has to be carefully managed. Also sounds like dad should not have blabbed. Chris tried to help and got verbally smacked for his effort.

(edit: mom probably yelled at him for not telling her.) He probably won't be helping again. If I were OP, I'd apologize (edit: to Chris) that mom heard about it even if it wasn't intentional.

StarTheVagician

Dude, the number one rule is to keep your mouth shut … This is true when talking to the police, in-laws, etc. Shut your trap. NTA.

EmeraldAthenry

This is confusing. It starts with you giving me the impression that your mom might view herself as the main character in other peoples' events (boundaries; the need for an accidental wine glass tip, Amanda wanting to spend as little time as possible with her).

Then you carry on to say her SO is worried about her being embarrassed, she has to leave the rehearsal dinner early, she needs to be distracted and tended to one-on-one the day of and there's lots of energy for her to burn, but it all might be "too much." Energy to burn versus being overwhelmed by a wedding are two very different states of being; they don't often cohabitate.

I cannot tell if your mom has a mental health issue, if she's somewhat high strung, or if she's someone who would truly cause a scene at your wedding. With the vague descriptions of your mom it's hard to judge.

I'm fully aware that many people have that one relative who needs to be on a leash for milestone events, but in this instance, it sounds like your best move would have been to not have your mom there at all. All of this keeping her busy and pampered only for her exclusion to come to light anyway was only going to give you the result you now have.

The OP responded here:

Anonnonnononon

My mom has super bad ADHD and this is with meds. She also has anxiety and on top of that is spoiled. If she acted up we were going to be hurt and she would have been embarrassed, especially if she got wined, but he only cares about her feelings.

He took her out of the rehearsal dinner because she could not sit and was starting to climb on the chair, on him, make a sucking noise with her mouth. That is why he had her do a long run in the morning, and then spent one on one time giving her squeezes and stuff. She also needs constant validation and he didn't want her to get jealous of Amanda.

ZealousidealBerry829

YTA big time. You should not have told your dad anything. It is not any of his business. She is correct that you humiliated her. I understand why she thinks you do not love her, because you behave like you do not.

So, what do you think? Is the OP's mom the problem here or is her son in the wrong? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you say?

Sources: Reddit
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