Mom refuses to force 'popular' daughter to take her sister to a Halloween party. AITA?
"AITA for not making my 'popular' daughter take her sister to a party?"
I have two kids and they are a year apart. My oldest is very outgoing and it quite popular, she is a sophomore. My youngest is a freshman and is the opposite of her sister. She has two friends and usually sticks to herself.
The issue is Halloween. My oldest has gotten invited to two house parties and my youngest hasn’t been invited to any. My youngest was pretty bummed about it since she is too old to go trick or treating. Her two friends also aren’t doing anything for the holiday. My husband and I are only going to pass out candy on Friday ( our neighborhood is doing it on Friday, not Thursday).
My oldest plans on going to the parties and she bought her costume yesterday. My youngest was upset since she didn’t have something to do that day. She asked if she could join her older sister to one of the parties and my oldest told her no. This is where my husband and I differ.
He wants to make my oldest to take her to one of the parties and I am not going to force our oldest. This resulted in an argument and I told my husband and youngest our oldest won’t be forced to take her. My youngest isn’t talking to me and my husband things I am favoring our oldest. My oldest doesn’t want to take her sibling so she is happy with me. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
MichaelaLoftis said:
NTA. It’s great that you’re not pressuring her into something she doesn’t want to do. Your daughter shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for being popular or expected to take responsibility for someone else’s social life. Encouraging kindness is important, but it doesn’t mean she has to sacrifice her own boundaries and comfort.
owls_and_cardinals said:
NTA. While I do believe in sibling support, I don't think it is your older daughter's responsibility to entertain your younger or to remedy an issue with the younger daughter's social life.
I also think that while parties like this tend to be casual in terms of the invites, it's pretty rude to bring a straggler who was unexpected by the host, or to ask the host if you can bring someone the host doesn't know...
...or simply didn't invite. So it's kinda not cool from a basic etiquette standpoint to make the older child bring the younger. Lastly it's not really a solution. The younger child presumably won't know anyone at the party and will be / feel like an outcast.
I would suggest instead that you help your younger daughter create her own plan for that night. She could invite her few close friends over for a movie night or something along those lines. Or a disappointing night in is not going to break her, if that's what it comes down to. I don't think sticking a bandaid on the situation by sending her to a party where she won't be welcomed is the answer.
SolitaryTeaParty said:
NTA. Your younger daughter WAS NOT INVITED. Enough said. While I personally believe a HS freshman is still young enough to trick or treat, she has plenty of other options besides putting her older sister in the awkward position of bringing a plus one to a friend’s party.
Maybe she can go with her two friends to a haunted house. Maybe they can watch scary movies and order a pizza. Maybe they can make their own traditions.
It’s normal for a young teen seeing their older sibling being invited to stuff and wanting to tag along, but your husband should be empathizing and working out a reasonable solution, not forcing your older daughter to play babysitter at a Halloween party where I really doubt your younger daughter will have a good time.
Only-Ingenuity7889 said:
NTA. Youngest needs to start now being proactive with social skills, if she wants to be social. The longer oldest paves the way, the less inclined youngest will be to help herself. If the youngest's two friends aren't doing anything either, why don't they have a movie night or similar?
randothrowaway2024 said:
NTA. Your youngest wasn't invited to a party. Leave it. No one wants a tagalong. As for being too old for trick or treating, bull. I trick or treated as a senior. Free candy is free candy.
randothrowaway2024 said:
NTA. Your youngest wasn't invited to a party. Leave it. No one wants a tagalong. As for being too old for trick or treating, bull. I trick or treated as a senior. Free candy is free candy.