Mom refuses to let teen son cosplay 'very feminine' female character, dad disagrees. AITA?
"AITA? My wife isn't allowing our son to cosplay a character..."
Our son, Jacob (15M) is planning to go to a cosplay/costume event thing (I don't know much about that). My wife (41F) and I (41M) weren't interested. Especially my wife, she didn't like the idea of paying money for the costume but she agreed in the end.
Jacob showed us the costume he was planning to buy, and the character was a female. My wife didn't like that and told him to choose something else. I wanted him to choose the one he likes so I pointed out that the character has a sword so it isn't a very feminine character. I know that this looks like a half-a$$ed attempt to convince her. And yeah, she wasn't.
After a while he came and showed us another character, a different female. My wife said this one is better but to choose another one. Jacob tried to explain that he liked these characters and wanted to tell us their stories but we truly weren't interested.
I told her to just let him cosplay whatever. Many guys cosplay and dress as females, it's fine. But she wasn't having it. She said she doesn't mind him choosing female characters in games, and that's it.
I felt pathetic, that we, at the age of 41, are arguing about an anime cosplay. It is just a costume, clothes, fabric, a bunch of threads. So I I told her she should find something better to do than complaining about a costume. She wasn't happy with that. I don't think I am an AH, am I?
EDIT:
Just to clarify things regarding not showing interest. We did show interest in other things. But I don't know how to do that with this topic. I know that this is basic parenting and I know I'm an older guy and should know that. But I am failing at this. I am trying to, and to get my wife to do that too. Thanks for the ones giving advices and ways to help the matter.
According to a comment, the characters I described were "Mitsuro Kanjori" and "Big mom." Jacob said he will wear a shirt to cover the cleavage in Mitsuri's outfit. Plus, he doesn't like shorter bottoms, he never liked them. It was like a given fact that he will pick a longer one. Meaning the outfits were appropriate.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
thebohomama said:
NTA, but your wife is. It's cosplay. She needs to grow up and get over her issues with gender norms, she's the ignorant one here. This isn't real life, it's PRETEND. Dudes play female characters in games ALL THE TIME, why would she not want him to cosplay his favorite character.
Not listening to your kid talk about WHY he wants to play these characters, though, a-hole move from you both. Just listen to your kid damnit, one day he'll stop telling you random shit you don't care about and you'll wish he did.
Humble_Pen_7216 said:
Okay, I get not being enthused about cosplay... And you are NTA... But your wife.... If your son is queer in any way, this situation has guaranteed he will hide from you and your wife. You have created a situation where he now knows that any gender or orientation that doesn't conform to cishet will be shunned, argued or shot down.
This is a major problem that could implode your family. If I were you, I'd find out just why your wife has an issue with your son dressing as a female character. Don't brush this aside or YWBTA.
ulyssesintothepast said:
NTA , however you really should try to at least learn about what your son is trying to talk to you about.
Kerrypurple said:
NTA, but both of you need to take more of an interest in the things your son cares about.
Inamedmydognoodz said:
You weren't interested when he tried to explain? You couldn't even pretend to be? Why? I'm sorry but you're an ahole for that my guy. Your wife is the ahole for everything. You both suck.