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Mom refuses to give bride money, says 'cheaper weddings lead to longer marriages.' AITA?

Mom refuses to give bride money, says 'cheaper weddings lead to longer marriages.' AITA?


We've all seen Bridezillas losing their mind on reality television, but is it really fair to assume that every bride with luxury taste is doomed to have a short marriage?

So, when a concerned mom's opinion on expensive weddings ended up on the gloriously petty and judgemental 'Wedding Shaming' Reddit group, internet strangers were eager to deem a verdict.

'AITA (Am I the As*hole) for not contributing to my daughter's wedding because I think cheaper weddings last longer?'

I'm 51 [F] and my daughter is going to get married in the upcoming months to her boyfriend of 3 years. So far I've seen that the relationship is going very well, and I'm glad to see my daughter happily engaged. But we had a family dinner to plan for the wedding, and she asked for monetary contributions to pay for the venue and the wedding overall.

She said the estimated cost for the wedding would be $40K USD. My jaw hit the floor after hearing the price and the money she was asking every one of us to pay. One of my sisters, after hearing it, just stood up and left.

I told my daughter I had been a photographer for decades, I had gone to many weddings as a photographer, and the golden rule was: The higher the wedding cost, the shorter the marriage tended to last. I had to deal with too many bridezillas who wanted the perfect wedding of their dreams, only to divorce within a year or two.

Some of my most expensive clients were asking for an annulment while the photos were still in the darkroom. I told my daughter to have a small, affordable wedding and to enjoy the day with the man she loves, creating many cute memories. I didn't want her to fall prey to the 'bridezilla' curse.

She didn't take it well; she cried and told me I was heartless and unsupportive. Then she told us all to leave. My mom said that was low and I dont trust her if I think she's going to divorce in a year after having such a fancy wedding.

My sister, who had left, said it was ridiculous for expecting us to pay that much, and my older brother said he would try to find the money if that's what she wanted. I'm divided, and I think id hurt my daughter. But I think I was just speaking my truth. AITA?

Here's what people had to say about this wedding price tag theory:

mrzmckoy said:

YTA (You're the As*hole) for your reasoning which may be your experience but is not necessarily a fact. The better way to handle it would be to explain that expecting several family members to donate so she could have her dream wedding is childish and she should have a goal of having a great marriage instead of a great wedding.

Bramblin_Man sais:

$40,000 is a down-payment on a house, not the cost of a glorified party: unless your last name is 'Warbucks' then it's a fairly ridiculous ask. However, you equating that to 'your marriage won't last' is a pretty low blow, and wholly unnecessary.

There are a hundred other ways you could have chosen to voice your concerns to your daughter, and instead you essentially went with attacking the stability and prospective longevity of the relationship she is currently all-focused on celebrating and cementing?

Odd_Rutabaga_7810 said:

She's entitled to a forty thousand dollar wedding I guess. But she isn't entitled to have other people pay for it.

sandra_nz said:

You've taken a stereotype and applied it to your daughters situation with no consideration of other factors. Maybe the question you should be asking yourself is how you've managed to raise a daughter who thinks asking family to spend $40K is acceptable.

Dragon_Bidness said:

ESH (Everyone Sucks Here). Your theory is dumb. People who spend more than they have on a wedding break up sooner because of financial issues. It has nothing to do with the wedding and everything to do with being financially irresponsible. She needs to get her shit together and stop thinking she's entitled to other people's cash.

So, there you have it...

Everyone agreed unanimously here that this mom isn't wrong to refuse to contribute, but her reasoning is a bit off. Expecting family members to crowd fund the wedding of your dreams because you can't afford it is entitled, but assuming that all expensive weddings lead to bad marriages is a flawed theory. Good luck, everyone!

Sources: Reddit
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