Reddit user u/southerngallyl is still deeply hurt that her ex-husband cheated on her and ended their 20-year marriage to wed his mistress. She's allowing her daughter to attend the wedding, but her ex wants her to personally drop the kid off at the church. She refused to put herself in that painful situation, but some people are calling her decision 'heartless.'
My (42F) ex-husband (45M) and I were together for 20 years. We had a beautiful daughter together, Joceline (14F). We got a divorce 5 years ago due to infidelity on his part. I was devastated. He was the love of my life and he betrayed all of the trust and loyalty we had built up.
They got engaged one year later and are set to be married in two weeks. Honestly, I still am heartbroken over my divorce. It’s hurtful to me that we were together for 20 years, and he could just go fall in love with someone else as if I was nothing.
However, Joceline was only 9 when we divorced, and he’s a great father so I would never want to come in between their bond. Joceline loves his fiancée as she’s very sweet to her, but she doesn’t know the reason why her dad and I divorced, I want to tell her when she’s a bit older and he doesn’t want to tell her at all.
Anyways, I compromised with him that Joceline could come to the wedding, but that he would have to provide the transportation to and from the wedding, as I want no part of it.
I didn’t tell him all of that obviously, but he agreed. Today he calls me and asks if he can ask for a huge favor. It turns out that his future in-laws are flying in the morning of the wedding, and he has to go pick them up, therefore he can’t pick up my daughter the day of, and wanted to ask if I could take her. I said absolutely not and asked why he can’t pick her up the day before when she gets off of school.
He said he doesn’t want to make the drive twice, and that he will likely not have time as he has to prepare for the rehearsal dinner. I asked why can’t the bride pick up her parents, he said she’ll be getting her hair done and won’t be able to. I laughed and told him there was no way I’d take my daughter, and that he’d have to figure it out.
Boy, why did I say that? My daughter ran downstairs crying, face beet red 10 minutes after my conversation with her dad, calling me terrible and accusing me of not wanting her to spend time with her dad. I told her that’s not the case and she demanded to know why I couldn’t take her. I couldn’t give her an answer and she ran upstairs crying.
Now I’m getting messages from his family calling me “heartless” and “cold” and a “bitch” for trying to “ruin his special day over a relationship that is long over.” My family understands my point of view. But I feel terrible that I’ve upset my daughter. I don’t know what to do. AITA? Should I just put aside my feelings and take her?
Reddit users were all in agreement that this ex-wife is 'Not The A**hole' for refusing to drop her daughter off at her ex's wedding. Especially since he is marrying the woman he cheated on her with.
In this day of Uber and Lyft, the in-laws could easily find some other transportation from the airport. It seems like this is simply a powerplay on the part of the husband to rub his newfound happiness in his ex-wife's face. Many comments also suggested that it's time their daughter heard the truth about the real reason her parents' marriage dissolved before this mom becomes 'the bad guy' for good.
NTA but I also think your daughter is old enough to know the truth about her father otherwise you will be the bad guy going forward.
NTA. It smells too damn much like he wants to rub his new thing in your face. Ughh. And OMG, just TELL HER! I don't mean go on and on about it, but you need to explain why you do NOT want to go there. She's old enough.
It's 100% a power-play on ex's part. it's not enough that he cheated on OP and blew their family apart. he needs to rub his wedding in her nose and manipulate the daughter into thinking mums the bad guy. reprehensible. NTA
NTA The people he needs to pick up can get a taxi. His first responsibility should be to his daughter if he actually wants her there.
And I think it might be time to tell your daughter a bit more about what happened. She's a teenager now and needs to be learning lessons about loyalty and managing relationships responsibly.
Her getting the impression that this situation is all right, and that you're wrong for not being happy that the ex-husband who cheated on you is getting remarried is not a good place for her to start when it comes to learning how to expect good treatment from future partners.
If he thinks picking up his future in-laws is more important than picking up his own daughter, then he's very, very wrong. The adult in-laws can manage a variety of transportation options, a young teenager can't.
He's showing his priorities, and it isn't his daughter, and you need to be prepared to help protect her and guide her as he continues into the future wanting to play Happy Family and have his daughter go along with it while he puts her in second-place to his new family.
NTA. Time to tell your daughter why you divorced. Dad has options to get her there. He's not exercising them. On the plus side, his new bride's grand prize is a cheating spouse.
·NTA, but 14 is old enough to understand cheating. I would tell your darling daughter that while I love her and I love that she has a good relationship with her dad and her future stepmom, I can't handle seeing their wedding when they started dating while dad and I were still married.
Then I would ask her if she has any ideas as to how she can be at the wedding without me having to see it. Sometimes teenagers are incredible out-of-the-box thinkers.
All of his relatives who are sending you hate messages. Why can’t one of them take her? Why can’t the future IL’s Uber from the airport? You told your EX that transportation was his responsibility. He claims to want your daughter there but he is putting literally everything and everyone ahead of her. Then, he calls her right up to make it your fault. Dude is an extreme A H. NTA