'AITA For telling my mom she’ll regret picking her husband over her children?'
"AITA For telling my mom she’ll regret picking her husband over her children?"
I (23F) and my husband (22M) moved in with my mom over the summer to help my mom with her bills and to help take care of my three younger siblings.
The main reason for this move was because I did not want her to get back with her “boyfriend” that she had been dating on and off for the past 7-8 years.
Not long after we moved in she starts talking to him again after repeatedly telling me she was never going to get back together with him. She then goes on to marry him and since then has taken on this mentality that she is his wife and has responsibilities towards him so she has to be with him 24/7.
Which in turn meant to me and my siblings that we would see her less because he does not live with us. Ever since she got married she goes directly to him after work and the only time my siblings see her is in the mornings when she takes them to school, she’s not even home during the weekends.
Recently this past weekend me and her ended up arguing over text because my siblings miss their mom and wanted to see her.
She then chooses to instead of coming to see her kids to call them and tell them that she is too busy to see them and that when she was there that all they did was play video games but now that she’s with her husband they suddenly “miss her” and want to “spend time with her.”
This made my siblings sad which naturally made me step in and tell her off. I told her she can’t be serious right now and that obviously her children are going to miss her.
That even though they might have a roof over their heads and food that doesn’t mean they don’t still need their mother’s presence more than just a few minutes in the morning when they’re going to school. I told her she can’t seriously be picking a man that has literally shown he does not care about her over her children who do love her.
She responded by telling me the same thing she told my siblings that when she was with us that my siblings didn’t appreciate her and that they just spend their time playing games.
I’m like be so for real you’re resenting them as if they’re not literally children where’s that energy with that man that has literally done nothing good for us. She’s like oh so I’m a bad mom, okay that’s fine you’ll regret your words one day.
She then hangs up on me and refuses my calls and texts my sister telling her she’s not going to talk to me. So I texted her and told her the one that’s going to regret her words is you and you’ll be sorry for picking a man over your children.
The day you learn to not put a man on a pedestal is the day you’ll get your blessings. It’s a serious mental problem to be so attached to a man. That I love her but I know she’s not okay by doing what she’s doing. She’s now no longer talking to me and only contacts my siblings. AITA or was this a reality check my mom needed?
Edit: Since I didn’t include their ages in the original post my siblings are 10M, 13M, and 15F. Incase you’re wondering my mom’s age she’s 40 and her new husband is about 50/60, I’m not entirely sure his exact age. Their dad is 38.
For those wondering where their dad is, he is still in the picture but he also has a new partner. He comes to visit them once or twice a week sometimes and buys them food and clothes.
He is supposed to be giving my mom child support but he’s not always very timely about it. I also want to acknowledge my mom does contribute financially to them still, the only issue is she is not here physically with them as often as she should be.
Let's see what readers thought:
hart writes:
NTA and honestly, your mom needed to hear that. It sounds like you’re stepping up in a situation where your mom is neglecting her responsibilities, and that’s not fair to you or your siblings.
Her excuse about your siblings "not appreciating her" because they play video games is honestly ridiculous. Kids play games—that doesn’t mean they don’t love or miss their mom.
They’re children, and it’s her job as their parent to be present, even if they aren’t showering her with gratitude 24/7. It feels like she’s using that as an excuse to justify prioritizing her husband over her kids.
featyup7 writes:
NTA. This sounds like mom planned this all out, the fake 'breaking up' to get you/husband to move back in and take care of her home and her minor-aged children; now she can freely go live with her new husband, coz YOU are now running everything.
You should not be helping take care of bills AND raising siblings with YOUR money. She should be paying you.
If this were Me? I'd tell dear ole mom that you/husband are moving back out, you have sent all of her communications between you and the children to Child Protective Agency, and she needs to handle however this all falls out.
How were these minor-aged (ages, please!) being taken care of before you moved back in? Who was watching them, food, needs, homework, doc appts, etc then?
Or tell her that you are taking her to court, using this history and her communication texts as a LEGAL Primary Caregiver for those 3 underage siblings, you will be taking her to court for general home costs, utilities, child support, etc.
Makes me wonder what kind of home life these kids had before you moved in, sounds like Child Neglect to me. WHERE is the bio dad of these children?????
floun6 writes:
NTA. Get more blunt. It doesn't even matter if they miss her (which they do), they need her, and she has a moral obligation to parent them.
She signed on to that obligation when she had them, and she is dumping her obligation on you.
You are the one running the home, feeding them organizing them, advising and paying attention to them....and financing their home.
She is a shirker, mooching off you and cheating them of their right to a caring mother.
As soon as she brings up the game playing, ask her if she only became a mother for the adulation? I mean, that is beyond ridiculous. Parents owe children care and guidance.