Engagement almost ruined by mother's accusing daughter of deceased twin's crimes. AITA? + UPDATE
"AITA for not letting my mom rewrite history and potential ruin the best thing that’s ever happened to me?"
I (24F) had a twin sister who tragically passed away from cancer when we were 15. We looked exactly alike—down to the tiniest detail. You know how some twins have subtle differences that make it easy to tell them apart? We didn’t. The only difference was our personalities. I was the quiet, shy one. She was the loud, outgoing one—though not particularly well-liked.
Before the cancer, my entire family knew that my sister had… issues. Not to speak ill of the dead, but she was legitimately disturbed. She tortured animals, stole from vulnerable people (elderly, homeless, children), and I honestly believe that if she hadn’t passed away, she would either be in jail for something horrific or dead in some other tragic way.
After her death, my family collectively decided to never speak about it again. They pretend she was an angel who lit up our lives. I’ve always just gone along with that for the sake of peace. Anyway, I had my birthday party and my now-fiancé (we’ve been together since I was 19, he’s 2 years older) proposed to me. He never met my sister.
During the party, my mom suddenly started talking about how much my sister would have loved to be there and began telling childhood stories… except she completely twisted them and made it sound like I was the crazy one who did all those horrible things. My fiancé just stood there in shock. I was speechless.
We didn’t cause a scene—we just exchanged a look like “WTF?” and got through the rest of the party. When we got home, he told me he needed a break and couldn’t be with someone who’d done those things. I tried to explain, but he thought I was just doing damage control and refused to listen. He packed a bag and left while I was crying my eyes out.
He ignored all my calls and texts for days. I finally called my mom, begging her to tell him the truth, and she just said, “Leave it be. If he wouldn’t accept you with your sister’s faults, he wasn’t worth it.” I hung up on her and haven’t spoken to her since.
I finally said screw it. I logged into my sister’s old Instagram account (we had the passwords growing up) where she used to post everything—from when she’d run away, to the messed-up stuff she did.
I drove to my fiancé’s brother’s house where he was staying, showed him the proof, and even got in touch with people from our past—old friends, family members, her nurse, and some of our former teachers. Everyone who responded confirmed that I was the normal twin and she was the disturbed one.
My fiancé and I are fine now—still engaged. But now my mom is throwing a fit that I “dragged the family name through the mud” and says I don’t deserve to be in love because my sister “went through so much.” I mean… it’s pretty obvious now where my sister got her issues from.
Some relatives and friends are saying I should’ve just told my fiancé the truth directly instead of involving his whole family. I didn’t want any of them doubting me, especially with how believable my mom made her version sound. So… AITA for calling out my mom’s lies and making sure my fiancé’s family knew the truth, even if it meant airing some ugly history?
Later the same day, the OP returned with an update.
Update: for the people saying this is ai I wish lmao. English is not my first language Oromo is. so all grammatical errors I used Ai to fix so it could actually be read properly but the story is 100% real.
And for those saying I should leave my soon to be husband I am not. In the moment he took my facial reaction in the wrong way and my silence was also weird and wrong of me. We’ve spoken and are fine.
To those saying he’s a terrible person, he really is not. If someone told you your spouse was basically on track to becoming a serial killer are you gonna be like ‘welp!! Guess that’s fine!’ No you’re gonna react badly.
Update 2: I’ve decided to go LC with my mom until she shows actual change. My wedding isn’t going to be for awhile so I don’t have to start uninviting people yet. Those of you who said I should get my dad to help her get therapy, dad is not in the picture so an aunt had agreed to help.
I saw a comment that said make sure she knows I’m not naming my firstborn child after my sister made me laugh cause I’ve been making that really clear since I was about 18. But yeah that’s all I won’t be updating or commenting anymore unless something crazy happens.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
'I don't deserve to be in love, because my sister went through so much'
That is DEEPLY disturbing, to be honest. I wouldn't trust her anywhere near the wedding or the inlaws. You mom needs serious therapy. Also makes me think she knew exactly what she was doing. NTA.
Question was any of your fiancé's family present during the proposal? If yes then you had to set the record straight with ALL parties. Your mum...well she just needs to seek help...along with her family members.
By the way all they are doing now is potentially trimming the invitation list for the wedding (you get?)... coz this whole episode is a prelude. They will try to paint another warped story at the wedding. Thst is if they don't insist you take your twin's picture so she can be present. The drama isn't over. It's just beginning. Buckle up and stand firm... NTA.
throwawayaccount_tw (OP)
Everyone was present at the party, from my extended family to his. However this conversation happened in the kitchen where it was only me, my mother, my fiancée and his brothers wife ( who I knew would immediately tell her husband who would tell his mother than his whole side would know) so I thought it was best to clear it up with said brother and wife knowing they’d clear the record with his side of the family.
NTA. I know you said not to judge your fiancé, but that is some weird behavior on his part, gotta say. Not only did he want to immediately break things off with you over things you supposedly did when you were somewhere between 12 and 14, he also absolutely refused to believe you over your mother.
He didn't even seem to listen to you. I feel like you at least deserve a serious apology, and probably a meaningful conversation about whatever the hell that was.
throwawayaccount_tw (OP)
Tbh In the post I downplayed a lot of the stuff my sister did when we were younger. The girl was terrifying to be around like serial killer in the making terrifying. I can 100% understand why he’d feel the need to distance himself during that time cause honestly I would have done the same.
He did apologise and we had a long talk about how we need to communicate properly instead of just leaving and how I should have spoken up to my mother when she first mentioned it instead of just moving past it as to him it seemed like i was panicked she mentioned it in front of him.