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Woman loses it when mom gives away her favorite clothes in front of her, says 'you can't fit.' AITA?

Woman loses it when mom gives away her favorite clothes in front of her, says 'you can't fit.' AITA?


"AITA for getting up and saying 'I don't like you attitude' when my mom said another girl could have my clothes without my permission?"


Hi, mind you this just happened (I'm currently crying while writing this). For context, I (20F) always had clothes that were given to me by others. That really saved my mom (40F) when I was younger. And even when older I never minded having another people's clothes nor giving mine away, but this time it was different...

My mom has a goddaughter (17F) that I always gave my clothes away to, and I'm friends with her, because we have a lot in common and she had my body type, so my clothes always fit her.

Earlier today my mom saw my old denim vests and asked if I would give them away to her goddaughter, I said "she doesn't have the frame to wear these" and I thought she understood because she didn't ask again. The day passed almost too smoothly.

At dinner time the family of her goddaughter came to dine with us, and everything was fine, until my mom called her to go into the room and asked her if she liked my clothes and proceeded to put my favorite denim vest on the girl and said she could keep it.

I snapped, I got up and looked straight at my mom and said "I don't like your attitude", she gone "what?", and I repeated and said I didn't give her permission to do so. The girl took of my clothes and gave it to me with an awkward smile.

I entered the room where my mom was and she said I humiliated in front of everyone, I told her it wasn't right to just give my things away and she proceeded to tell me she expected me to use those denim vests every day from now on as an punishment. Then she got out of the room and everyone acted as if nothing happened.

They left our home, and my mom didn't talk to me until my dad brought everything up and gave a speech about respect and how he was sad about how I handled the situation. He was already late for work and said he expected us both to apologize to each other.

I told my mother how much these clothes meant to me, how they were my style, my mark, back in the day. She doesn't get it, she argued that I don't use them anymore and how they don't fit me (A common topic nowadays, about my weight, I don't have to tell the whole thing, you get it).

I just started crying and she left the room saying "I'm done, this is not the first time you've embarrassed me in front of others" (another whole different story that I already apologized for) and "I left it alone, and I will from now on, I don't care anymore, I treated you right, I cared about you, and that's what I receive".

My brother tried to stay with me and understand me, but my dad didn't let him, so I had no option but to talk about it with my boyfriend. And she's there, on the kitchen, talking with my brother, like if I don't exist.

My boyfriend says that I should get another job and be gone from home more often or just move in with him. He knows a lot of what I've been going through, he's my light actually. I can't face her, I can't afford the courage to apologize now. I don't know what to think or do anymore.

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:


Something else to add… Someday, if you’re still at the house, if somebody comes over to visit, grab your mother’s favorite item of clothing and insist that the guest take it home with them because of course Mom shouldn’t have any problem with this whatsoever.


Or her wedding dress, since she never wears it anymore right?

Because sharing is caring, right?


I’m having a hard time understanding why your mother would give your clothing to someone else. That is completely out of line. Completely disrespectful. And you called her out on her bullshit. I kind of agree with your boyfriend that maybe if you can, get the hell out of there.

The OP responded here:


Thank you for your opinion on this, I think the comments maybe will help me decide for once and for all what I'll do. But yes, I need to get out of here, but for most of the time or forever (maybe)?


NTA But seriously. Say no normally. I feel like you're just adding to the confusion instead of just using normal words to say no and an explanation as to why, which either gives your mother these openings or she genuinely misunderstands what you're trying to communicate.


I'm going with ESH. Your mother shouldn't give your stuff without your permission. That being said, you didn't exactly tell her "no". You just said it's not the other girl's style (if I understood correctly), which you could be wrong.

You didn't explain the sentimental significance of the clothes. In addition, when your mom tried to give the clothes, instead of saying "sorry, I really like this and I'm not willing to part with it", you said "I don't like your attitude", which does sound disrespectful. In conclusion, you both weren't great in this situation.


You're mother sucks for giving your clothes away like that. However you need to communicate better. Be clearer, not just so your mom understands you but also so people around you understand the situation better.

You never said you wanted to keep the vest and then you make a comment that makes no sense in this context and makes people think you are disrespecting your mom, when really she is disrespecting you.

"No mom I would like to keep that." Clear boundary set.

"Mom, I told you this morning that I would like to keep that." Everyone understands that it's your mother who is disrespecting you.


NTA- you need to get a lock on your door until you can move out. Your mother sounds like she's very emotionally immature.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit
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