I (F20) live at home with my single mother and 5 siblings while I finish university. I’ll call them A (M23), B (M22), C (M17), D (F15), and E (M12).
Almost every day, I wash the dishes, load and unload the dishwasher, vacuum the common areas, drive my younger siblings to and from school, and cook dinner while also attending uni (university). I get no help from my mom or siblings, nor do I get any appreciation for what I do around the house.
Last week on Wednesday, I came home late (around 9 PM) from uni as I was talking to my teacher after the lecture (my class ended at 7:30 PM). Once I got home, my mom started yelling at me because I wasn’t able to cook dinner, there were dirty dishes in the sink, and my brother A had to pick up my younger siblings from school.
I was upset by this, but she then said, “you’re useless. You don’t help out at all.” And I got pissed. I replied back, “sorry for being useless,” and went to my room.
The following day, I didn’t drop my siblings off at school, which forced my mom to have to do it. I didn’t make dinner either, and I stayed at uni until they closed the library at 9 PM. I continued to do this, and the house is now a mess, and my younger siblings have missed a few days of school.
My mom and my other siblings are angry at me. I’m just wondering, AITA? I feel like I’m not, but hearing it from my siblings and mom every day is getting to me.
OP provided an update:
I had to leave some stuff out due to character limits. Apologies for weird formatting, on mobile. My family is from a foreign background, so my mom’s beliefs are very old-fashioned.
I don’t have a job, but due to a small allowance I get from the government (for studies), I contribute $150 a week towards household expenses.
I didn’t include every single chore I do, but laundry is one chore everyone does themselves because they all wash their own clothes (F15 helps M12 out with his). I wipe down counters and clean the kitchen after cooking dinner.
I clean the bathrooms sporadically (my brothers literally pee on the floor and don’t wipe it up). I encourage my little siblings to clean their room, but ultimately I end up tidying it.
My older brothers are both employed but don’t help around the house at all. They play video games when they’re not working. My mother does not help me with my school fees; I’ve taken out student loans to pay for them.
OP responded to some comments:
NTA (Not the A%@%ole), I went through something similar except I wasn’t gonna take it, I have divorced parents and one older brother who lives at fathers house, I go between, my dad would do stuff yes but anything he didn’t do I did. My dad’s reasonings behind only asking me to do things was A. “You do it properly/your brother doesn’t know how” and/or B.
“He works full time”, which keep in mind he may work 9-5, 5 days a week, but I was at school 9-3:30, had a part time job, was on a dance competition team and had to do homework. Just hoping you find something to relate to in my story youre NTA, some parents just take advantage of the child who is willing to do the work.
I do relate to your story. My mother just had the belief that girls are to do everyone around the house and the men do nothing. I’ve tried to talk to her about the situation before in the past but she won’t see reason.
NTA get out as soon as possible and warn D as the only other female they will try this crap with her too.
I finish uni next year and I’m hoping to move in with my boyfriend. I’m wanting to take my sister with me but I don’t have a job at the moment and can’t support her.
NTA Everyone in a household should help out, but not to this extent. You’re doing everything and if your siblings doesn’t get to school when you’re not there, that’s not your fault. What exactly does your mother and your older brothers contribute with?
My mother works 9-2 and pays for the bills. Brother A works in the morning and play videos games after he gets home, while brother B sleeps in until 2pm then goes to work and plays video games all night after finishing work.
NTA at all. You’re doing exactly what you should be doing. What, do they just expect you to never move out and live your own life? Heaven forbid they have to actually be parents. Focus on yourself, you don’t need this.
NTA. Your mother has failed you in every way. How about she actually parent HER children? At least 4 of your siblings are also capable of doing household chores but they prefer to take advantage of you. Don't back down from this, it isn't your responsibility.
What do you think? Was OP wrong to maliciously comply with her mother?