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Mom 'secretly' picks up daughter from sleepover in the middle of the night. AITA?

Mom 'secretly' picks up daughter from sleepover in the middle of the night. AITA?


When this woman is concerned about her own parenting, she asks the internet:

"AITA for picking up my daughter from a sleepover without telling her friend’s parents?"

My daughter, Emily (15) went to a sleepover at her friend, Amanda’s house last weekend. Emily’s known her for a couple of years and we know her parents well. This was a party for Amanda’s birthday. Emily has been to sleepovers before, but this was her first at Amanda’s house.

Around 10 PM, I get a call from Emily. She says that everyone at the party has already fallen asleep which wouldn’t be an issue but Amanda and 2 other girls are snoring.

She tried to fall asleep too but couldn’t and really didn’t want to be there all night. Yes, at sleepovers, usually you stay up late…but you’re also doing that together and having fun.

She was sitting by herself, bored and unable to sleep. I said I’d be right there and told her to let Amanda’s parents know. I also told her to be quiet so as not to wake the other girls.

When I arrived, Emily told me that Amanda’s parents were asleep. I tried calling both of them from my phone but it went to voicemail. Ultimately, I left a note on the counter as well as texted both parents to let them know I picked up Emily and was taking her home.

I was woken up at 5:30 AM by Amanda’s mom freaking out and asking why I had taken Emily without letting them know. I said they were both sleeping and didn’t answer their phones. She said one of us should’ve woken them. She said it was very rude for Emily to just disappear like that.

I didn’t want to embarrass Amanda or anything but as her mom kept pushing on the issue, I told her why Emily asked to be picked up. That only aggravated her more and she said that Emily could’ve slept anywhere else in the house (they were in the rec room, so Amanda’s bed was available).

She said that Amanda was going to be very hurt when she woke up and Emily wasn’t there with no explanation. I said to just tell her that Emily got sick and had to go home in the middle of the night but didn’t want to wake her. Amanda’s mom ended the call basically saying that they won’t invite Emily to sleepover again.

Emily says that things have been fine between her and Amanda, she doesn’t think Amanda’s mom told her anything about it.

My husband and I have gone back and forth on whether or not I did the right thing. My husband agreed that Emily was right to leave the sleepover but as awkward as it would’ve been, one of us should’ve woken up her parents to let them know. I can see that side but a part of me feels like Amanda’s mom majorly overreacted. AITA?

Let's see what readers had to say:

mikefired writes:

YTA. Of course they would freak out. Not everybody checks their phone right away. Also, this has to be the lamest reason I've ever heard. Somebody go pick up their child from a sleepover. I'm glad that your daughter is comfortable calling you and she's uncomfortable.

But if you're coddling her like this, You're going to be picking her up from her job when she's in her thirties because someone there refuses to change the thermostat to her liking.

kh26 writes:

I might get downvotes for this, but 15 seems oddly old to ask mommy to come pick you up because you can’t sleep. She could have slept in another room or found some other way to cope.

Couldn’t possibly have been the first time in her life she had trouble falling asleep. Understandably the friend’s mom freaked out in the morning, wouldn’t be surprised if the birthday girl was actually hurt by her friend bailing on her in the middle of the night either.

I’d lose my shit if some mom came to pick up a high schooler from my house at night, resulting in my front door being unlocked all night. I’ll go with YTA on this one, though it doesn’t really matter, I doubt the daughter will be invited to many sleepovers after this.

topdog7 writes:

YTA. Whilst your daughter is at someone elses house,they are responsible for her safety and wellbeing. Removing your daughter from the house without waking them up is bang out of order. It was rude, and it could have caused all kinds of issues if the note hadnt been seen. Its the lamest reason too.

She could have nudged the girls to change positions, woken the mum up and asked if she could sleep elsewhere. Shes 15! Shes more than capable of sorting this one out for herself.

You should have given her sensible options as opposed to picking her up.She missed out on a huge learning opportunity too. She also should have been prepared for this possibility of not falling asleep straight away with a kindle, podcast to listen too..anything.

accompboard writes:

YTA. Part of sleepovers is that sometimes you have to deal with being awake when others aren't. If the snoring was really bad maybe she could relocate to elsewhere in the house. And if you decide to take your kid home yes you wake one of the parents, but unless there's an emergency you don't take your kid out of a party.

intlfee writes:

NTA Sounds like if Emily had woken one of the parents she would have been guilted into staying.... Alone in another room in a strangers house, which in my opinion is worse than with the other girls and unable to sleep.

Amanda's mum literally had the phone in her hand that had a text from you saying you took Emily, she's creating an issue where there isn't one.

Emily will hardly want to stay with Amanda or the other girls again anyway so her declaration that Emily won't be invited again is a punishment that won't have any meaning at all. Amanda's mum did overreact and she needs to get over herself.

unkonw7 writes:

Honestly NAH. Yeah it’s probably a concern when a child in your care disappears in the middle of the night, while you’re asleep. And I would assume the front door was probably left unlocked, after you picked your daughter up.

So I would understand them being concerned that you went through their house to get your daughter.

But I think they’re also unreasonable for saying your daughter could’ve moved about and slept in whatever room she wanted to. This isn’t her home, she’s a guest who likely doesn’t feel as comfortable just doing whatever she feels like.

And it feels out of place going into her friend’s parent’s bedroom to wake them up late at night. You’re not comfortable doing the same things in other people’s homes. You did your job in trying to contact them by calling, leaving a voicemail, and a note, which the parents should’ve seen in the morning.

There’s no reason to make your child stay the night at a place they don’t feel comfortable in, just to appease the feelings of others. I feel like next time, your daughter could at least wake up her friend next time though, who was in the same room.

I’m sure waking up her friend would be better than going to the parent’s room. That way at least someone knew she was leaving and could see her out the door, without feeling too intrusive.

And that way there’s someone to lock the front door behind her, as she leaves. They’re old enough that the friend could manage walking her to the door as she waits for you.

What do YOU think? Is OP TA here?

Sources: Reddit
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