So, when a conflicted newly engaged woman decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about her wild child niece's capacity for destruction, people were quick to help deem a verdict.
My fiance's sister and her husband came over for dinner last night. They have a five-year-old daughter, 'Emily.'
Emily is a very curious girl and loves to play and explore, and she really loves playing dress up. I have a pretty nice clothing/shoe collection that I showed Emily one of the first times she came over.
Since then, I have let Emily borrow many items of my clothing to try on for fun and put on 'fashion shows' with. I was completely okay with this until this summer when Emily asked to try on a pair of my expensive heels.
This was partially my fault in that I said yes, but couldn't monitor her the entire time because I was busy preparing food for a lunch party I was setting up. I thought that her parents were watching her since they saw her put them on, but apparently not.
I come back to check in on her 20 minutes later and she had cut one of the bows off of the shoes and was in the process of cutting off the other one. I was absolutely horrified and immediately stopped her, which resulted in a huge tantrum.
Her parents rushed in and were asking her what happened and she said she didn't like the look of the bows and wanted them off so she found scissors (from my office which she wasn't supposed to go into at all).
I was extremely upset at this and had to excuse myself to calm down. After, my fiance's sister and husband apologized and seemed really sorry, but never offered to pay for the cost of repair.
My fiance, unbeknownst to me at the time, had then reached out to his sister to ask her to either buy me a new pair or pay for the repair. After a week, I got a random text from his sister asking me if I'd like them to pay for the cost of repair. I declined because it sounded like she was forced to send the text.
Fast forward to last night. It's their family's first time seeing us after the engagement (which happened three weeks ago, yay!!). It was Emily's first time seeing the ring so she kept asking me to show her and I did multiple times. After dinner, we were all sitting on the couch and Emily asked to see the ring again except this time she asked if she could try it on.
I was expecting my fiance's sister to intervene immediately and tell her that isn't appropriate, but she said nothing and just laughed. I was personally uncomfortable with the idea of her trying it on because 1) the ring is very personal to me and very expensive and 2) I was still slightly scarred after the whole shoe incident and was worried about something like that happening again.
I basically said something like 'Oh this ring is very dear to me and I would like to keep it on my finger, but I can give you one of my other rings to try on if you'd like!' She said no and asked again. I repeated myself.
She started getting teary and that's when her mom intervened and said, 'Oh c'mon, just let her try it on for a second, she's not gonna break the damn thing.'
I was getting annoyed at this point so I just said 'I'd really prefer not.' Cue awkward silence. Then her husband says, 'Well, we should get going.' But before they went out the door, my fiance's sister said 'Well, now I get why you two don't want children...it's probably better off for everyone.'
I was immediately shocked by this absurd statement and my fiance goes 'That was f*cking uncalled for' and she said 'it's just the truth' and rolled her eyes and they all left. Now my fiance's refusing to speak to his sister and has told me that we're not having her back again and everyone's just overall upset. My fiance doesn't blame me, but I can't help but think that maybe I should've acted differently. Am I the problem here??
Does this mom realize that her daughter is a 5-year-old kid who doesn't need to experiment with diamonds yet? Barbies are a girl's best friend right now, kid.
NTA (Not the As*hole). A 5-year-old does not need to be trying on engagement rings. I'm honestly appalled at her parents reaction, especially after what happened with the shoes.
I would literally say, 'Remember when you cut the bows off my shoes? I can't let you try on my ring after you did that to my belongings. It's not nice to ruin other peoples' things.' And leave it at that. NTA but her parents SUCK (little kid is not TA either, just a little kid)
I'm a mom of four... whom I chose to have ON PURPOSE. I love kids. No way am I letting any 5 year old try on/handle my engagement/wedding ring. Your response to offer some different rings to try on was perfect. Set a boundary, and offer an alternative. She can be sad about it, that's okay, too. Empathizing with her a little about being sad is fine. But you don't give in the boundary because of a few tears. Your fiance's sister's response was horrendous. NTA.
NTA. Kids need to learn no means no. You were very nice to offer her another ring to try on.
Everyone agreed across the board for this one that this woman wasn't at all wrong to refuse to let her niece try on her brand new engagement ring considering what happened the last time she let her touch her items, and her sister-in-law's comment was completely uncalled for. Good luck, everyone!