'My mom spent my college money and now she wants me to pay it back. AITA?'
"My mom spent my college money and now she wants me to pay it back. AITA?"
My parents and I had an agreement when it came to college expenses: they would cover half the cost. To hold up my end, I joined the Air National Guard so I could get free tuition, and my parents agreed to pay for my housing.
Everything was going fine until my third year of school when I suddenly got hit with an $8,000 past-due bill. I couldn’t even register for classes and was completely freaking out.
I immediately contacted the school because we had set up auto-pay. Turns out, the school had switched to a new system and auto-pay was shut off without notifying me.
Since my parents are divorced, my dad had been sending his half of the money to my mom each month. So I went to her to get the money to pay off the bill. That’s when she told me she had already spent it—all of it. We’d taken a really nice vacation, and she does make decent money, so I wasn’t entirely shocked, but I was still stunned that that’s where the money went.
I was panicking, and all she did was blame me, saying I should have been checking the account to make sure payments were going through. But I was overwhelmed, in school full-time, and struggling just to maintain B’s in a tough pre-med program.
In the end, I had to take out a loan just to pay off the bill and stay in school. The loan didn’t go through in time, though, and I actually had to miss a whole semester because of it. Now I’m out of school and stuck with this monthly loan repayment—something I wouldn’t have had to deal with if the money had been used as intended.
What really gets to me is that my mom hasn’t even offered to pay off the loan or cover the $8,000, even though she used the money that was supposed to go toward my education.
Instead, she nags me if I’m ever late on a payment and even threatens to cut off my phone. So now I’m left wondering—am I the AH for thinking she should take responsibility and at least pay back the $8,000?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA - I don’t think you are in the wrong, but is you Dad helpful at all, y’all had a clear plan. Have you tried writing out the facts of the payments etc.? I’m sorry you’re going through that, you may never see the money again. Don’t trust your Mom with money in the future or family for that matter, get it in writing.
You and your father need to contact a lawyer in your jurisdiction for fraud and theft. No other advice or judgements. Call him and go.
NTA. You guys had an agreement that your parents would help pay for expenses. While it is understandable that things change and the agreement can be revoked, your mom doing so without any mention is unreasonable. At the very least, she owes you the portion that your dad was sending, since his portion was explicitly intended to be used for you.
Your dad should sue her to get his portion back to help you pay things off. Or at least threaten her that he will if she doesn’t do the right thing.
NTA, What does your dad say? Get him to pay you directly and take mom to small claims. she can say what she wants but but she stole your dads money from you. You can't force her to give you funds towards school, but she shouldn't be stealing your dads...
You didn’t check the account but your dad wasn’t sending her that money out of the kindness of his heart. Your mom sucks.
Have you talk to your dad about it? That your mom spend all the money and is blaming you. Then shaming you when you miss a payment but it her fault you didn’t get money in time for school?
Broad_Pension_3713 (OP)
I would like to mention that my mom is a very toxic person and she had completely control over my life at this age. So arguing with her would only make it worse. I literally had to go on anxiety and anti depression meds. Luckily I don’t live with her anymore.
NTA. I don't think you will get the money back at all. Especially not, when you aren't willing to fight for it — like take her to court or there is no proof. Further, if your father isn't willing to fight for you and testify to the agreement.
So, I would write it off. Because she will not do a thing. But I would ensure my next steps. Like, get out under her thumb, don't trust her ever again. And when you are out of school, LC/NC and make her see the consequences of her actions.
Same goes for your father, if he is that whipped by her (as you wrote in another comment) and tries to force you to contact her/support her. You reap what you sow. Karma will come for her. ^^ Updateme.
She doesn't have to pay anything except the 4000 your dad sent, parents choose to help adult children they aren't forced to. You should have been checking and she probably saw it wasn't coming out. Who doesn't make sure their bills get paid? And technically it's rent money uni is handled by GI Bill.
Maybe time to figure out how to handle all of your own finances. Relying on someone requires a lot of trust and, can you trust a childish adult like that? That's like finding out you were a guinea pig in some strange experiment they concocted. Clear indicator of a lack of character and sign that you should not trust them.