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Mom starts spying on babysitter; 'I have footage of you nursing my baby.' AITA? UPDATED 2X

Mom starts spying on babysitter; 'I have footage of you nursing my baby.' AITA? UPDATED 2X


When this woman feels like her baby isn't safe, she asks the internet:

"I Just Found Out That The Babysitter Was Nursing My Son Without My Consent. AITA?"

I (28F) just found out that the babysitter was breastfeeding my son without my consent.

I (28F) am a single, working mom. I remained pregnant in a previous relationship with my ex, and decided to carry on the pregnancy since I was very excited to become a mom.

I was able to get a 12 weeks unpaid maternity leave from work, and after that, since I live very far away from my family, and had no one who could help me, I started looking for a babysitter.

And fortunately enough in no time I found a fellow (32F) mom who agreed to come at my house to watch and take care of my newborn 5 days a week for 9 hours, from 8 am to 5 pm.

She was super nice and bonded with my child pretty easily, and since she seemed very skilled I was very serene. I didn't gave her many rules to follow, other than a summary of everything that happened during my work shifts at home and that she isn't allowed on my bedroom.

Before going to work, I always made sure to leave all the necessary (like diapers, pacifier, his favorite plushie, etc) on the table, also leaving the milk I pumped in biberons inside the fridge which she was instructed to use.

The first two months went absolutely great, with no issues whatsoever. When I came home, she would summarize everything that happened/she did, and I always found everything in perfect order, plus used biberons. So she was following the indications I gave her.

However, some strange things started happening during my newborns' sixth month. He started refusing my breasts altogether, refusing to latch on and after a while of me gently trying he would start to get annoyed. But he accepted the biberon with my milk just fine.

After talking with the babysitter (who was a mother before me) and doing some researches, I conclued that it could have been something related to the fact the he got more used to the biberon, or to the fact that I may had a different smell.

It was a very stressful period so it could have been. Either way, I didn't think too much of it since he was still getting fed, until it became impossible for me to keep pumping because I wasn't producing enough milk no more.

So I decided to switch to the formula, and gave instructions to her like usual. Also, I decided to start weaning my child, and I asked her to introduce some solid foods too.

However, after 2 months, at his eighth month, I started to feel like something wasn't adding up. In 2 days it seemed like I was using way more formula than her in 5 days.

So I confronted her about it, and asked her if she was using formula, and she confirmed. I then thought it was my impression, even because the baby had never complained.

However, something was still troubling me, so the next day I hid a GoPro in my living room, and an old phone recording in the kitchen just to make sure.

And when I came back, and watched the recordings, everything started to make sense. I was horrified. After I went away, she took my baby, sat on the sofa, and started BRE@STFEEDING him.

Not once, but THRICE for a LOT of time. I was shocked. My baby was latching to another woman's breast, after he refused mine. And now it started to make sense why. But not only that.

She never went to the kitchen to get formula or to get some solid food for the baby, but only to cook for herself. And while she was eating, she was still breastfeeding my baby, keeping him with only ONE HAND under the butt.

But the worst is, she was trying to get herself to be called "mama" by my newborn. She sat him on her legs and started saying things like "say: ma-ma" "who am I? Ma-ma!", and my son UTTERED IT!

And she replied back with "that's my good boy", and KISSED HIM. After that, I was trying to get myself to not to puke. I was heartbroken, and I felt like I trusted the worst woman I could ever trust.

After that, I immediately called her and confronted her at my house. I told her I knew everything, and I showed her the videos. Her response was that my son needed a real mother in his life, not a mother available only two days a week.

And also, that she was not going to feed formula to a baby of frozen milk, but that she was only going to feed him with "real milk", admitting that she had done it it since day one. I will not report the entire discussion, because after that I wasn't polite at all.

Needless to say, I fired her immediately. Not only she breastfed my son without my consent, but she was even trying to replace me. I'm horrified and broken.

Right now, I took a week out of work. I need to process everything that happened, and also I need to reconnect with my son. I feel like our family was violated.

Before we give you OP's responses, let's take a look at some of the top responses:

far555 writes:

NTA!!!! I am so sorry this happened to you, and your child. I would contact authorities, and get a restraining order or order of protection against this woman. She is not mentally stable. I would also consider getting security cameras.

If/when you find another sitter, I would make them aware of the situation. In the mean time, your bond with your child will heal, but if you are struggling coping with this violation, a therapist may be able to help.

oldguard6 writes:

If you got her through an agency or app of some sort I would highly recommend getting in touch with the and letting them know exactly what she did. Shit even if you found them on fb page for babysitting I would post that shit out there because I have a feeling she’s going to do it again.

Take your baby in to make sure everything is okay and go to the police and see if there are any charges that you can file.

technicalpoumpking09 writes:

Take time with your baby but you shouldn’t minimize the situation. You need to contact a doctor in case she can give him something through the milk! Also you should also contact the police,she is crazy and could do that to others!! So press charge now.

And now, OP's 1st update:

First of all, she isn't a local. I live in the countryside so we don't have much services, like agencies or stuff. I tried posting on some Facebook groups and left my phone number.

After probably half an hour, she reached out to me, first asking me for a photo and a description of my child since she wanted to know how he was, and then asked me where I lived, and we found out that we lived like 40 min away from each other by car. It seemed too much for me, but she still agreed wholeheartedly to take care of my child.

I forgot to mention that she admitted pouring down the sink my bottled breastmilk so that it seemed like she used it. I pumped for only god knows how long before work just to make her trash it.

She had the keys to my house for every eventuality, but I recollected them back before firing her. But I will still change the locks like someone suggested.

I got my baby checked straight away, and nothing seems out of place. I'm so relieved, but I'll still wait for more in-depth analysis since I'm still worried a little bit.

It seems like she also entered my bedroom. I always made sure to lock the door since there's a safe and I have valuables inside, but sometimes I did forgot about it, like the last day, since I was so caught up trying to set up the cameras.

I found some blond hair on my sheets, and found some (way less) of them also on the shower drain of my personal bathroom (which you can't access outside my bedroom).

So I guess she showered, and even guess she used my towels since I didn't find new used ones in the bathroom or in the laundry, and she clearly didn't take towels from home since she never asked me to shower at my house (which I would've agreed without an issue).

Moreover, it seems like I'm missing a pair of bra and slips, and i REALLY hope she didn't put her hands in my drawer and use them as a change of clothes, even because she has probably two cups more than me and she has bigger hips. I really hope to find them in my laundry chest.

I also have a feeling that she took my newborn outside multiple times. When I became pregnant, I bought a stroller and a baby carrier because I thought I needed them both, but when I went out I always used the stroller since it was more comfortable for me.

I never opened the baby carrier and left it in the box in the guest room, behind the door when opened. I was making sure everything was all right since I understood I couldn't trust her no more in anything at all, and when I checked the guest room, I found the baby carrier unpacked and unwrapped inside the box.

I could say it was used since being white it was a little bit dirty on the shoulders and it smelled a bit. I don't know if she used inside the house, but I don't think so since I never saw her wearing it, and she never mentioned it to me, and also I never mentioned its existence to her.

I only have two neighborhoods near me, I tried talking to them but they were of no help. I really hope she didn't brought my baby outside, and I hope she didn't brought him for road trips with the car or stuff.

That's because I remember her having a baby seat in her car,EVEN if she said that her daughter was now 7, so she wouldn't have needed such a small one, but at the time i didn't connect the two things . I don't know what to feel. I now realize that in 9 hours, 5 days a week, she could had possibly done EVERYTHING.

I don't know how it works in my country for those kind of things, but I'm currently talking to a lawyer to understand if I can press charges and how to do that. I hope for the best.

In the meantime, I asked for help to my mom, and she is currently coming to stay for some time to my house, help me and my child, and take care of him when the week off will finish. I wasn't at ease hiring another babysitter.

My baby still doesn't want to latch on, and I can feel that he isn't that much at ease with me. I tried making him utter the same things she did but without making it. He doesn't want to.

I managed to make him latch only once when he was very sleep for a short time, but still it's something. Fortunately, he takes up the formula just fine. I will work thorough it to reconnect with my child and to hopefully overcome this bad event.

Thank you very much for your support, comments, and advices. This will probably be my first and last update on this post, since I need to move on and get my head straight.

Mothers, please, always be aware of who is taking care of your child/children. I know that probably most people would say that it's not my fault, but I still think it is. So please, watch out.

And now, OP's 2nd update (3 weeks later):

First of all, I would like to thank everyone who expressed support. It meant a lot and helped with this more than surreal situation. In those 20 days a lot happened and I would like to give an update on the situation, also because it took a heavy toll on me and I need to vent a little.

First off, my baby is completely ok, even after more in-depth analysis nothing showed up. This relieved me a lot but unfortunately those are the only good news.

I talked to a lawyer and contacted the police, but unfortunately in my country there are no laws against breastfeeding someone else's child without consent.

They could have done something if she transmitted a disease through the milk and was aware of the presence of it (and if I could demonstrate that he didn't have the disease before hiring her), nor it can be classified as assault because (of course) my baby can't testify against the babysitter.

I showed them the tapes but they are of no use, since my baby gladly accept her breasts and she didn't force him. So I have my hands tied, and I can't do nothing about it.

It's so frustrating since she violated my family and my baby and there's literally nothing I can do. I'm still talking to my lawyer to see if I can still sue her, but it's really complicated and the chances are very, very low.

I was able to talk to her one more time on the phone since I needed to know what else she did with my baby and to see if my speculations were correct. And indeed they were, worse than I expected. She confirmed basically everything:

She did took my son outside multiple times using the baby carrier or the stroller (nearly once a day) and she also admitted breastfeeding him outside quite frequently.

If that wasn't enough, she also confirmed taking my baby for road trips with the car when she needed to run errands or do stuff that she didn't clarify, and that it "did happen more than a dozen of times, but she doesn't remember" (her words).

I said that she shouldn't have done that, and she replied that "there's nothing wrong with it" and that "my baby liked her driving a lot".

She also admitted passing my baby as HERS when she was outside, justifying it by saying that sometimes she stopped talking to other mothers and it was "SIMPLER" this way. This really made me shiver with rage.

She confirmed going into my room to shower and using my bed to rest with the baby because she felt dizzy. When I confronted her by remembering her that she wasn't allowed in my room, she said that "she didn't remember" and that "it was not a big deal since nothing happened".

Regarding that, I asked her if she took a pair of bra and slips from me, and she ALSO confirmed that, but saying that she had borrowed them while waiting for hers to dry and after that she put them in the laundry chest (Note: I never found them. Either something happened or she stole them from me. I don't know what to think).

I finally asked her why she did those things to my baby, and she said that a son like mine needed a mother, a REAL, caring mother like her in his life and that a mother who works nearly all week is not good enough...

and that I would never be enough for him. I was going crazy, but I decided to end the conversation with her there because shouting was not going to solve anything.

I was disgusted by all that, and left the call worse than how I started it. And there's literally nothing I can do against her for what she did.

My mother is still helping me watching after my son while I work, and things are slowly getting back to "normal", but I can't erase this sense of powerlessness. I think I will go to therapy once things get better.

My son still doesn't seems much at ease with me, but I'm trying my best to recover our bond. He still doesn't want to latch to my breast, not even a bit. This hurts me a lot but I know I need to be strong for him too.

Thank you very much for reading my venting, and I really hope nothing like this happens to any of the fellows mothers out there.

What do YOU make of OP's story? Any advice for her?

Sources: Reddit
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