Mom tells 6-year-old son to stop repeatedly telling teen daughter that she's beautiful. AITA?
"AITA for telling my youngest son (6) to stop calling my daughter (17) beautiful over and over again?"
My 17 year old daughter is undeniably beautiful. She's the prettiest one in the family, respectfully, and she gets compliments 24/7. A lot of guys and friends she has always ends up having a crush on her, or asking her out.
Although I'm glad she's comfortable within her looks, I feel as if it becomes overbearing sometimes. Her dad calls her beautiful a lot, so does her older sister, her friends, random guys in public, etc. She always says thank you, but sometimes I can tell that she's getting tired of it.
Her younger brother (6) is a very sweet kid. He always calls her pretty and beautiful as well, and it's sweet because he looks up to her. Though yesterday he kept saying it over and over again, and I could tell my daughter looked a bit annoyed. So I told him that he can say it once and move on.
He got a little upset at me and didn't understand, so I told him that she knows she's pretty, and that we can give people other compliments as well. Later on that day my daughter was telling me she wishes people would compliment her more on her skills rather than her looks.
I told her I understand, and that there's nothing wrong with how she feels. I'm not sure if there was a better way to handle it. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
mango-margarita said:
Soft YTA. Maybe have that conversation with the older members of the family, Im not sure why you went after the 6yo. "He got a little upset at me and didn't understand, so I told him that she knows she's pretty, and that we can give people other compliments as well."
He probably still doesn't understand... he's 6. You may have inadvertently given him the impression that calling someone pretty, or even complimenting his sister, is a bad thing.
If it was bothering her so much, a more positive response might have been "Yes she's pretty AND good at drawing! What else is (name) good at?". You had good intentions, but it might’ve backfired.
Last-Mathematician97 said:
I guess NTA but really should have started with other family members first. Little kid is least of it.
acrylicmole said:
Nta your son seems sweet though and a good teaching moment on how to treat women. Have him think of five reasons he looks up to his sister (he can write them or draw a picture). One can be pretty but the others will likely mean more. Best Christmas gift.
ubiquitous-rarity said:
Hard NTA. There's no "order" to start correcting people's behaviour--6 year old or 60 year old, if you're making the girl uncomfortable by bringing up her looks repeatedly, then your behavior needs to change.
The 6 year old was repeatedly doing something that made your daughter uncomfortable. You told him not to. There is nothing wrong with this. I agree that you should go back and explain why we don't place such a strong focus on women's looks in 6 year old language.
OP, give yourself a break. Your heart is totally in the right place by nipping this behavior in the bud.
s8nskeepr said:
NTA kids that age can be really annoying, and get upset if you look at them the wrong way. They have to be socialised and that includes being aware when they actions, no matter how well meaning, are annoying. Also them getting upset isn’t a problem as they need it for experience to understand how to control emotions. For a boy being able to control their anger and frustration is essential.
Bagel-luigi said:
Very soft YTA. You punished a 6 year old (from his perspective) because his older sister "suffers" from pretty privilege. Maybe have that chat with one of the adults or a teen sometime if it gets too much for your daughter, not target the sweet lil bro.