Mom tells 'clueless' sister to 'shut up' and stop giving parenting advice. AITA? 'She's trying to help.'
"AITA for telling my sister to shut up and stop giving me parenting advice when she's clueless about autism and kids?"
My sister (35f) is single and childless currently. Though she plans to have a child via donor at 40. I (31f) am a mom of three and my middle child (Ava) is on the spectrum. Ava has sensory difficulties surrounding clothes and food. She was always considered a "fussy" baby.
Early signs were there from when she was still a newborn and hated most of her clothes. She was also a child who did not take to eating solids. And she would struggle when being around too many people or meeting new people.
We were told she was showing early signs of autism and she was eventually diagnosed. She's in a few different therapies at present and some of that is to help her with her sensory struggles.
My sister is so judgemental about Ava and how my husband and I parent her. She accuses us of coddling Ava, of making her spoiled. She gets pissed when we won't make Ava wear something she bought for Ava (that we already asked her not to) or when Ava gets different food from the rest of us, including her brothers.
She has told us we need to sit Ava down and tell her she needs to eat better and she won't be getting different food from everyone. I told her that would be cruel and she said she'd learn to eat that way.
I reminded her of the times Ava has been on many supplements and needed medical attention because of how little she eats and that I refuse to make her go backward. I also told her she knows what fabrics and types of clothes Ava can't handle wearing.
I mostly avoid my sister but sometimes it's unavoidable. At my nieces birthday party on Saturday my sister was telling my husband that we shouldn't let Ava eat anything at the party because it was all junk and she eats trash already. She told him we should bring her veggies to snack on and make her eat those instead.
He told her no. She told me we're making her a picky eater and how she would never and she would only expose Aava to healthy foods and choices until she eats it. I told her to shut up and stop giving me parenting advice when she's clueless about autism and kids. My sister told me I should stop being so rude to her face when she's trying to help. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
DutchDaddy85 said:
NTA. She's not "trying to help," she's trying to point out what she thinks you're doing wrong. The difference there is the intent. She's malicious.
busty1ove said:
NTA. Your sister may think she’s being helpful, bt her lack of understanding abt autism nd her judgmental attitude are only adding stress to an already chalenging situation. Parenting a child on the spectrum requires a tailored approach, and you’re doing what’s best for your daughter’s unique needs...
Flimsy-Yesterday-505 said:
NTA. At this point your sister is straight up bullying Ava, and you cannot let this stand. If your sister bothered to educate herself she would change her tune very quickly, but she doesn't strike me as a person willing to admit she was wrong and apologize unfortunately.
mortgage_gurl said:
NTA but I’d learn how to say “Wow!” And then walk away.
SenioritaStuffnStuff said:
NTA. "I'm sorry you're clearly struggling right now with your feelings on children, but please keep those thoughts to yourself around MY family.
Wooden-Seesaw-3741 said:
Absolutely NTA. You know what’s best for your baby. Sister needs to educate herself.