Mom tells daughter 'life doesn't stop for others because hers isn't going well;' AITA?

Sometimes "tough love" and "brutal honesty" isn't the best option for parents...

So, when a conflicted mom decided to vent to the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's "Am I the As^hole" about a conflict with her daughter on a family trip, people were ready to weigh in.

AITA for telling my daughter that life doesn’t stop for others because hers isn’t going well?

I have 3 kids, and my daughter (27F) hasn’t had the best luck in her romantic life. She’s gotten cheated on many times, and her previous relationship were unhealthy.

I also believe she's in a toxic relationship with her current boyfriend.

My nieces and nephews, along with my other kids are all happily married, some starting their own families.

It was my sister's birthday recently, and she and her husband had planned the trip for the family. She helped with expenses if needed but for the most part everyone payed for themselves.

My daughter was the only one going by herself. We did things as family, but there were times when we split up to do something with just our partners. So sometimes my daughter was by herself or basically being a third wheel.

At the end of the trip my daughter complained to me how she hated going on the trip. That she felt like it was a cruel joke that she was there by herself, and that the others should not have show affection to their partners when she was around.

This is not the first time she complained about something like this, she’s done it after holidays and birthdays as well.

I’ll admit I'm tired of my daughter complaining about this. So I told her that just because her life isn’t going well doesn’t mean others will stop living theirs.

She hasn’t talked to me since, and that was almost two weeks ago. My husband is on my side but I'm worried I’ll lose my daughter. AITA?

EDIT: She was allowed to bring a friend

EDIT 2: My daughter isn’t single, she has a BF

Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say:

LadyCass79 said:

ESH. I don't have a lot of sympathy for her demanding people not showing any affection for each other in her presence, and a lot of what you say is valid. However, I don't understand how, on a family vacation, all the couples are going off and leaving her all on her own.

That sounds wretched, and I can empathize with how sad it is to watch everyone else be stable and happy when that's not at all available to you. You could acknowledge the validity of her feelings while encouraging her to accept the right of others to be happy.

Auntie-Mam69 said:

YTA for this; "there were times when we split up to do something with just our partners. So sometimes my daughter was by herself or basically being a third wheel." In my family, there are many single adults.

We would never break it up so that all the partners were together and the single adults left to their own. We wouldn't do it no matter how many single people were there—much less if there were just one single person.

Family gatherings are just that. You can all break up to do things with only your partners any other time.

robynxcakes said:

ESH being single doesn’t mean her life isn’t going well. The family trip should be accomodating for everyone no matter their relationship status.

laughingpurplerain said:

YTA. You said her LIFE wasn’t going well. That’s a big statement to tell your daughter her life sucks and to not bother other people in her family with better happier lives that are all in relationships.

Instead you could have said something like I’m sorry you’ve had issues in your relationships , nobody deserves to be cheated on, it’s got to hurt. But You are worthy of love and happiness and every thing you want in a relationship.

It might take time and in the meantime it may be uncomfortable feeling like you’re the third wheel but you’re not because we are a family unit and so we ride on all wheels. And then included her in the FAMILY plans.

She is wrong in expecting people to not act affectionate in her presence etc but she complained about that to you her Mom, venting, it’s not like she said that to them.

Sounds like needs to feel loved and valued (and that’s why she is chasing dysfunctional men) And instead she just got more rejection.

Weird_Encouraged said:

NTA. Having fun is a choice. If I were in her shoes, I would have found something fun to do on my own while the couples were out (I'm 32, and I've been single for 5 years, all my friends are in relationships or married, you learn to have fun anyway, and learn to be your own best friend!)

I don't think what you said was cruel...it sounded like a truth she didn't want to hear.

Hopefully she will go to therapy someday (not saying there's anything wrong with her - just that EVERYONE should go to therapy, and I started going around her age and it helped my "attitude" towards things a ton).

So, there you have it...

While the opinions were divided for this one, most people agreed that everyone involved is at fault. Feeling left out of a couples trip with family can be awkward, but scolding your adult daughter for feeling insecure definitely won't help the situation.

Clearly this family needs to have a deep discussion to avoid future tension...or avoid is forever and sweep it under the rug until it bubbles over? Good luck, everyone!