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Mom tells son’s girlfriend to break up with him; 'you can do better.' AITA?

Mom tells son’s girlfriend to break up with him; 'you can do better.' AITA?


"AITA for telling my son’s girlfriend to break up with him?"


My (F41) son (M20) has been in a relationship with his girlfriend, Lily (F20), for about three years now. I love my son and I hate to say this, but he’s not turned out to be a good person.

He has very little work ethic, has no desire to get a job or go to college, and spends most of his time gaming or partying. Lily on the other hand, is the polar opposite. She’s very studious, has aspirations to be a doctor, is a very good swimmer, and is currently away at college.

When my son and Lily first got together in high school, they were an excellent match. We loved having Lily over and my son definitely took more care of himself. Since then, it’s rapidly deteriorated. I know my son still loves Lily, but he never gives her the attention she deserves and with her clear potential, I just feel she deserves better.

When Lily came to visit a few days ago, she was visibly upset. When my son went to the store, I asked her if she was okay, and she told me that she didn’t know what to do and wondered why my son had such little ambition and was so lazy.

I told her I didn’t see it changing anytime soon (as that’s my view given it’s been ongoing for almost two years); when she asked what I would do in her situation, I told her to put herself first and what she wanted. Lily thanked me and said she’d think about things.

Well earlier today, my son comes downstairs in a rage telling me that Lily had broken up with him via text. I asked him what she said and apparently the message referred to “discussions with your mom” that had made her rethink the relationship.

My son was livid that I’d gotten involved and said I’d overstepped boundaries. I told him that I didn’t advise Lily to leave him, just said she had to make her own choices and decide what was best for her.

My son is now not talking to me and my husband is annoyed believing that having no Lily will make my son’s rut last even longer. I also miss having Lily around. So, AITA?

Here were the top rated comments from readers:


NTA. tell your son to hit the gym.


NTA. If lily was my kid and you gave her this advise I’d be grateful. You were both kind and honest. You gave her room to make up her own mind. Good on ya.


I say this as someone who has been deeply depressed, and tried to find a way out of that with the wrong solutions, like hoping a relationship would change that. It doesn't, it puts an enormous burden on the other person, and forces them into a responsibility they likely didn't ask for.

You didn't tell Lily to leave your son, it seems to me that you cared for Lily and nudged her to think about the state of her relationship because you saw that it wasn't going well. NTA.


Nta, you were watching out for a young girl who had her entire life ahead of her she could be wasting and let pass her by because she was letting a deadbeat with no ambition hold her back.

You gave your honest opinion to a girl who asked you a question, she made her own choice. If anything, you solidified her choice as she was clearly upset and likely having these thoughts already. You told her it was okay, you understood so she went through with it.


YTA, YTA, YTA, people saying NTA have lost their minds. Imagine this – “I noticed my son hasn’t been too productive at work lately, so I advised my son’s boss to consider firing him, rather than address the issue to my son first.” Sounds like an insane stab in the back? Correct. That’s exactly what you did.


Yeah I kinda feel this as well. I couldn’t imagine getting involved in my kids love life like this in anyway. They’re both adults and I wouldn’t risk putting myself in that position between either of them.

Whether YTA or not… your sons gonna remember this as a betrayal and it’s doubtful he’ll see it any other way for the foreseeable future. If my parents pulled this when I was younger I would cut them out of my life /harbor extreme resentment towards them.


NTA- your son only has himself to blame. I would also put some kind of requirements on him that he is either being a full time student or working a full time job but sitting around just taking up space isn’t an option.

He should also be required to help out with the house chores. Dad should be ashamed for putting the expectations of getting him out of his run on Lilly. He is the one who should be in there and showing him how to be a man and not a blob.

“So Lily broke up with you- look at you- what do you have to offer- what would she see as a desirable partner- what is your plan for the future- how do you plan to make that goal happen- let’s come up with an action plan”.


NTA. You did her a kindness, and they wouldn’t have been happy together. My ex’s mom supported me in breaking up with him. It’s like it never occurred to me to leave ( I was young.) I was more sad about losing her than him.


NTA, why do people like that wanna blame everyone else. He's spoiled. Make him get a job or kick him out.


So Lily didn’t end things because of you. She did so because of your son’s actions. If you didn’t have that talk with her, one of her friends, family, or some random guy trying to pick her up would have.

It doesn’t seem like you walked up to her and asked what are you doing with my son when you can do so much better. That would have been meddling. Your son’s an ass, frankly your husband too.

Using some poor girl to address his son’s needs rather than stepping up and being a parent is straight up AH behavior. NTA, you were the only one involved with her best interests at heart.

So, do you think the OP is in the wrong here? Does she owe her son an apology or is this possibly the wake up call he needed?

Sources: Reddit
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