'AITA for telling my fiancé I don’t want his mom in our wedding photos?'
"AITA for telling my fiancé I don’t want his mom in our wedding photos?"
I’m 27 and getting married next summer. My fiancé is 29 and we’ve been together for almost 5 years. His mom has never liked me, she’s very involved in his life and I’ve always felt like she sees me as some kind of threat to their bond.
For the past year she’s been bringing up prenups constantly, not my fiancé, his MOM. She started sending me articles, books, even a sample prenup she wrote herself, like literally a Google Doc..
It had stuff in it like I waive all rights to future earnings and if I gain weight after the wedding I would agree to go to counseling. I’m not joking, I told her it was inappropriate and that I wouldn’t be discussing legal documents with her.
My fiancé backed me up at first, but over time I noticed he started saying things like she’s just trying to protect me or you know how she gets. He never directly told her to stop.
Things hit a breaking point a few weeks ago when she brought up the prenup again at a family dinner, in front of his relatives. She said I was being difficult and that a woman who refuses to protect a man’s assets has no business getting married.
I was humiliated, I left the table and we had a huge fight after. I told my fiancé I don’t want her in our wedding photos, I said she can come to the ceremony and be there if she wants but I don’t want her posing in our couple shots or family portraits.
I feel like she’s made it clear she doesn’t actually want this marriage to happen and I don’t want to look back at my wedding album and feel fake smiles with someone who’s made this process so miserable.
Now his whole family is furious. He says I’m escalating things and being too harsh, I told him I’m just setting a boundary after being disrespected over and over. My mom understands where I’m coming from but thinks I should let it go to keep the peace.
I feel like if I back down again, she’ll just keep walking all over me. AITA for telling my fiancé I don’t want his mom in our wedding photos after everything she’s put me through?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
You would be the AH to yourself if you married this mommy's boy. The mother is irrelevant: the supposed love of your life not having a spine is the problem.
OpalHolds (OP)
I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately. I expected his mom to be difficult, but I didn’t expect him to keep backing away from standing up for me, that part hurts more than anything she’s said...
Please don't marry him till he can consistently stand up for you. He will just continue to yield to her every time there is a problem. You will have three people in your marriage, and she will win. It isn't a "her" problem; it is a "him" problem.
OpalHolds (OP)
I’ve been hearing that more and more, and I think it’s finally sinking in. It’s easy to focus all the frustration on her because she’s loud and in my face about it, but the fact that he doesn’t shut it down is what really scares me. You’re right, this isn’t just about her anymore, it’s about what kind of partner he’s choosing to be.
This won't change or get better. It will only get worse. Leave now and move on.
OpalHolds (OP)
I’m trying to look at the whole situation with clear eyes right now. It’s hard because I do love him, but I also know I can’t ignore the way this has all made me feel. I’m not brushing anything under the rug, this has definitely made me think.
Nope, NTA. This will not stop at a prenup. Next she’ll be pressuring you to have kids, she’ll get an input on their names and how they’ll be raised. She gets a say on where you live and how you do it. It’ll never stop. Please rethink this whole thing.
YTA because you are refusing to recognize that you are marrying a man who will always put his mother before you. I have absolutely nothing against pre-nups — when drafted by attorneys they protect both parties and future children. Do not sign anything without an independent attorney reviewing it.
Don’t you deserve to have your future earnings protected? Shouldn’t your fiancé have to maintain his physical fitness? If he starts balding, shouldn’t he use hair growth products?
If you marry this man, in two years you’ll be writing a post about how your husband won’t stand up to his mother when she demands a DNA test for your newborn. You are living your future in real time and you will be the AH to yourself and any children you might have.
OpalHolds (OP)
You’re not wrong, a lot of what you said hit way too close to home. I’ve been so focused on surviving the chaos she’s brought that I haven’t fully stopped to think about what it means that he’s let it keep happening. I don’t have a problem with prenups either, but what she handed me was never about fairness, it was about control. I appreciate you being real with me! It’s hard to hear, but I probably needed it.
Wedding photos is the least of your problems. He’s not going to put his mother in check, so you’re signing yourself up for 40 years of this. You will always come second. Bear that in mind.
Add to her prenup “if husband gains weight or develops a receding hair line, all provisions above are null and void, and husband agrees to give wife 80% of all assets in the event of a divorce”.