'AITA for uninviting my mom to my wedding after she called my fiancée embarrassing?' (Pic)
"AITA for uninviting my mom to my wedding after she called my fiancée embarrassing?"
Impressive_Sir7089
I am engaged to “Tiffany” and I love her with all of my heart. Unfortunately my mom has never seemed supportive of our relationship and it’s pretty clear to me she doesn’t enjoy Tiffany.
This has been a huge point of contention between my mother and I, and I’ve made it clear that she needs to begin making an effort if she wants to be in our lives. She continues to try to get away with excluding her so I’ve had to come down hard with boundaries.
Recently my mom was going to a touring production of a Broadway show that Tiffany has been dying to see but was unable to get tickets too. My mom was going with her sister who woke up with a fever and chills, so she was going to invite her secretary as her friends happened to be out of town.
I told my mom that it was ridiculous that Tiffany wasn't even her fourth choice. I explained this was deeply hurtful, and asked her to consider her future DIL over her assistant. She ended up letting Tiffany go, but when it was time to go, I saw my mom's face change.
Tiffany is a huge girly girl and just loves to dress up which unfortunately she doesn't get many chances to do at the moment. She went all out for the show in a floor length sparkly number with her hair done up and beautiful makeup.
My mom was wearing flare leggings, a sweater, and converse, and didn't even try to hide her disgust. She asked if Tiffany was aware that no one dressed up for the performing arts center.
Tiffany admitted she might have gone a little overboard, but explained she just loves to dress up. My mom complained that she was going to feel embarrassed. I told her to stop and they went on their way.
Well it has recently come to my attention that my mom texted my aunt including pictures of Tiffany taken without her knowledge and complained about how embarrassed she was. She said everyone was looking at them and some people were snickering. My aunt was making jokes back and I became furious.
I demanded my mom explain to me and she said I was being ridiculous. She said she could talk to her sister about whatever she wanted and we needed to "grow up." She blamed me for pushing Tiffany on her in the first place, and claimed it was super embarrassing and everyone was giving Tiffany weird looks.
I lost it and told her she was uninvited from the wedding if that is what she really thinks. She got really quiet and said ok if that was what I really wanted and said I was unwilling to "compromise" or "make things work." Now the rest of the family is calling me an a$$h0l3 and saying I will regret not having my mom at my wedding, but Tiffany feels very happy and supported.
For reference, the OP provided this dress as an example of the style of the dress in question.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
holliday_doc_1995
Never in a million years did I think I would side with the MIL over the wife in a story like this, but, YTA. Your mom is not obligated to invite your wife to things especially one on one things.
Your wife wasn’t being excluded from a family event and forcing your mom to give her extra ticket to someone she doesn’t get along with is wrong. I love to dress up as much as the next person but a floor length gown is way too much especially when your mom didn’t want to invite her in the first place.
Fairwhetherfriend
Hard disagree - ESH (Edit: except Tiffany, she's maybe a little cringe at worst, but so what?) None of what you said here is wrong - OP sucks for trying to force his mom to take someone she doesn't like to the show.
A gown is indeed too much and kind of embarrassing. I don't think that really matters, but I get that the mom might have been extra unhappy about the evening because of it.
But absolutely none of that could ever justify taking sneaky photos of someone and sending them around to mock them. I don't care if Tiffany dressed up in a dang Hallowe'en costume for the show, that's some Mean Girls high school bully levels of BS that wouldn't be acceptable among teenagers, to say nothing of a grown woman.
Jannnnnna
girl did you see the dress he posted? That’s an absolutely insane outfit for a Broadway show. And like…it has a pretty high slit and a ton of cleavage and the Broadway show is Frozen. Like, a family friendly show with a bunch of little kids there.
Come on. Part of adult life is dressing appropriately for the occasion. My only criticism is that OP’s mom didn’t make fun of that dress to Tiffany’s face enough. (Kidding. Kind of...)
wildmishie
ESH, save for Tiffany. You forced your mom to take your fiancée with her, knowing your mom does not like her and would likely be rude to Tiffany the whole evening, and when your mam started being rude BEFORE EVEN LEAVING you didn't think "Oh, this may be a bad idea". Your mom is obviously an AH, but you set up this situation and really shouldn't be surprised she acted like a child.
cb1977007
YTA She’s an adult. She doesn’t have to be friends with your fiancée. I don’t understand why you think you can control her in that aspect. Why would Tiffany feel “happy and supported?” Does she WANT be with people who don’t like her? Does she want to beg them to like her? Does she know that you forced your mother to take her?
Surely having nothing in common and just being civil is an option. Also, for what it’s worth - overdressing is ridiculous. Dress for the occasion. Always. Tiffany wants attention. And she got it.
Ok_Register3005
Yta.... You forced contact, then try to regulate what she talks about. This is not the way to get them to get along. You're being ridiculous and punishing your mother for a situation YOU created by forcing this in the first place.
Your mom certainly could have handled things better, like by saying no when you tried to force her to take someone she didn't want to. Stop trying to make them friends and just respect BOTH people in your life.