Mother to 3 month old asks; 'WIBTA if I don't bring food to a family potluck?'

"WIBTA if I don't bring food to a potluck?"

My husband's family throws a park party every year. Just a family get together. I just had a baby. She's 3 months.

My husband is going to be in Mexico for a wedding (he is the best man) that I can't go to because my daughter does not have a passport and because it's not in a very safe area in Mexico.

So I'm going to be driving 2 hours to stay with my parents for a few days who live near this park with my baby and my dog. I honestly probably would not have otherwise gone to this party but everybody wants to see the baby.

There's like 15 aunts that haven't met her and they all want to see her. I recently got a text message that said I'm responsible for bringing a dessert and an appetizer. It's generally frowned upon it just buy store-bought stuff and everybody usually brings their own recipes and usually most of it doesn't get eaten.

Honestly I wish I had been given alcohol or something because that would have been about 50 times easier.

I'm exhausted and the idea of going shopping, cooking and trying to juggle everything with a baby just sounds impossible. I haven't had a decent night of sleep in 3 weeks.

I would say I probably wouldn't eat anything, but I would be lying. I'm not a big eater but I will probably snack on a few things. WIBTA got not bringing food?

Let's see what readers thought:

opths writes:

If you were assigned something and don't bring anything, yea, YTA but I dont think its a problem if you call the person organizing and explain to them you aren't capable of taking care of that stuff while watching your newborn while your husband is away. Communication is key here.

You could always buy a pie from a bakery. Not the grocery store, im sure that would be more acceptable.

ctqim writes:

And she’s on her own - with a 3 month old - expected to bring the 2 dishes bec hubby is in Mexico at the wedding! I would NOT make the effort for these entitled jackasses. Giving her foods to make, smh. WHAT are they thinking?!

My family moved into our now house in Florida from England when I was pregnant. I got homesick and returned to England for several months until just before my son was due so I never met most of my neighbours.

A few days after we got home from the hospital a lovely woman who I’d never set eyes on rang the doorbell and dropped off 4 or 5 different meals together with salads snd rolls.

A stranger was more gracious to my family than how these “family” members are treating OP. (The thoughtful, generous woman wound up being my neighbour from 2 doors down.)

crewlsmm writes:

Here's what you do: send a text back to the group responsible for organizing this, and make sure at least one person on it you can trust to stick up for you. Say something like

"Hey everyone, got your message that you want me to bring a dessert and an appetizer. Going to be real: with a newborn and my husband gone, that's just not doable for me. I would love to attend if I can bring something I can just get from the store like plates, utensils, or even alcohol. But I will not be cooking. Let me know what you'd like me to do!"

Most times, I think you will receive an apology text back because it is absolutely ABSURD to expect a woman solo-ing a newborn to bring not one but TWO home-cooked dishes to a potluck.

Either they overlooked that in the chaos of organizing, or someone needs a lecture. But if they're going to stick to their guns and double down on their nonsense, just decline to attend.

That's why you want someone you can trust on that group so that if there are any questions why you and baby aren't there, there's someone who can give your side of the story.

And I don't know about your family, but in mine, aunties would be SURE to be pissed if a new baby didn't attend a gathering because people were making ridiculous demands of the mother.

You shouldn't be asked to bring a dish at all, IMO. New babies absolutely are the exception because even just showing up with a newborn can be a herculean task.

NTA if you let people know or decline to attend, but E S H if you just show up without telling them as if they're organizing dishes, there may not be enough apps/desserts to go around otherwise.

alg88 writes:

YWBTAH if you go. The child is 3 months old, you're exausted as it is, sleep deprevation is a litteral torture methode, a family feeling entiteled to you bringing desserts and an appetizer from a singular oerson who is alone with a 3 month old baby will probably nag about it as well and wordt of it all it will be hell for your child.

It will be nesrly impossible for you keeping everyone and not just the 15 aunts from passing your baby around and smooching it, heightening the chance it catches something.

Infections at that age are no joke and if you "keep it to yourself" at least half of them will badmouth you for being a mother hen and bs like that. Do yourself and especially your child a favor and don't go.

OP replies:

Edit: Thanks everybody. I think I'm just going to drive through and get some donuts on the way there. I remember there's a pretty popular donut shop in that area. For those of you who were worried about her getting sick, she's got all the vaccines for flu season I got them when I was pregnant. And she will actually be 4 months by the time his party happens.