'AITA for kicking my mom out because she won't stop wasting my food?'
"AITA for kicking my mom out because she won't stop wasting my food?"
Ok_Lavishness_3277
My baby sister just had a baby and our mom came to help. My sister and her husband live in a tiny apartment with no room for my mom. I agreed to let her stay with me since I live only eight blocks away. It's walkable. My plan was to Uber her over in the morning and pick her up after work.
I only eat one meal a day during the week. Supper. I have coffee for breakfast and some fruit for lunch. On Saturday I treat myself to a good breakfast and Sundays I take the woman I'm dating for brunch.
My mother decided that this was unacceptable. She got up early and went through my fridge and freezer to make me breakfast. I told her that I appreciate it but that I do not usually eat breakfast. She said that was stupid. I very clearly communicated to her that she was welcome to eat anything in my home but to please not make me breakfast as it was a waste.
She made breakfast the following day. I walked out without eating it. I figured worst case scenario I could eat it for supper. She threw it out since I didn't eat it. I told her once more to please not waste my food.
She made breakfast for me the next day. I asked her if she was developing dementia. She is wasting my food for no good reason. I'm not poor or anything but wasting food is a pet peeve of mine.
She said I was being ungrateful for her help and she was doing it to be nice since I was letting her stay with me. I explained to her again that I did not need, want, require, or desire breakfast during the week. She said she understood.
She made me breakfast the next day. I had had enough. I took her luggage with me when I dropped her off at my sister's home. I told my doorman that my guest was no longer welcome.
I got so many messages from her and my sister all day long. Even my dad called me to ask me to change my mind. I said no. He had to drive up and rent an Airbnb close to my sister because my mom was too scared to stay by herself. He's retired so he didn't miss work or anything.
My sister came over alone to talk to me. She said I was being a complete a$$ and that I could afford the food my mom was wasting. I said I could but that I didn't want to. She literally used up two months worth of my food.
She made up huge breakfasts that I didn't even eat. I keep all my bacon in individual servings. She thawed out three for every breakfast. One for her and two for me. And I ate zero.
My father has asked me to let her back in. I said I would under the condition that she understand that my food is completely off limits to her. She can pay for her own food.
I said I would make room in the fridge and freezer for her. She said I was being ridiculous and petty. So my dad is staying neutral but my mom and sister think I'm a j@ck@$$. My girlfriend thinks the whole thing is hilarious and refuses to get involved.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
PendragonINTJ
NTA. Sounds more like your mother was initiating a power play, and that she would have continued wasting your food (which she KNEW bothered you, but that was the point) until you capitulated.
Then she would have "won". You throwing her out was inconvenient, so of course you had to be the Bad Guy. But that shouldn't have been necessary if your mother had been the least bit reasonable. People tend to take the easier route and asking a reasonable person to capitulate is much easier than asking an unreasonable person to be reasonable.
RumpusParableHere
Well said. I'm quite sure that the rest of the family bends to this behavior of hers just to not have the drama she goes into. Entirely too common.
CatteNappe
3 unwanted and uneaten breakfasts in, and you couldn't get much clearer: "I explained to her again that I did not need, want, require, or desire breakfast during the week. She said she understood. She made me breakfast the next day." Maybe that dementia suspicion should be taken seriously.
Odd_Visual_3951
NTA. you’re a grown adult, you’re allowed to set boundaries between yourself and your parents, and you’re allowed to have as much distance between them as you want when they’ve been violating those boundaries.
your mother wasn’t respecting the way you live, so now she’s no longer a part of that. simple. whilst i do think breakfast’s an important meal, i’d be a hypocrite to agree with her as i skip it too.
i do intermittent fasting, so i also only have one meal a day (late afternoon / early evening). as long as you’re having a nicely portioned, nutritionally balanced meal, it’s not stupid like she suggests. it’s backed up by nutritionists and dieticians.
not to mention the food waste - if she isn’t paying for something, it’s rude of her to throw it away. she can sort out her living situation herself since she clearly doesn’t care to show some respect to you when you’ve kindly let her stay with you and already tried to explain your issues, which she refused to listen to.
WikkidWitchly
NTA. The dementia comment was gold, btw. "I've asked you repeatedly, and then I told you. And you ignored me both times. You think just because I can afford to waste food that makes it okay for you to intentionally waste it?
Why not just clear out my fridge and throw it all in the garbage? It's bad enough you do a thing I ask you not to do. Then instead of putting it in the fridge for later, you throw it out? Waste your own damn money.
I actually give half a crap about the global issue of food wastage, and it pisses me off that my own mother is contributing to it. I asked you for one simple thing. Don't make me food I don't ask for. Do NOT make me breakfast. You're not doing me a favor by doing it anyway. You're being a pain in my azz."